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Way Back Machine 2001 Ramblings 2002 Ramblings |
January 1, 2018 - The New Year came in very mildly at our house. We stayed up until midnight last night, mind you - after a full day of watching a Twilight Zone marathon - but we were both too lazy to get out of our chairs to give each other a kiss or hug. Hahahaha. (After 37 years, it is obvious the romance is still there and simmering in a large pit of congealed fat...) I have enjoyed the extra time off lately. It will be a while until we get more time off, although I do have 92 hours of vacation to use up by May 11th. It won't be wasted, trust me. A long time ago I used to let time 'go back' but not any more. I still may work every day from home for a bit, but by golly, I take my time. I might take one a day in the next two weeks or so to get my hair done - my roots are showing off how gray I really am. I can't control the rest of the cycle of aging and life, but by golly, I'm not ready to go gray yet. I will, I am sure, when I retire and spending money on hair seems too frivolous and I will rock gray hair then but for now, I fight it tooth and hair follicle. Speaking of hair follicles... I stopped getting the laser hair removal for my facial hair because I thought it very odd I would pay someone to torture me with such pain like that, but I'm ready to start again. It really didn't stop the hair from growing, but it did keep my hair from causing large lumps on my face from being ingrown and such. I can stand the shooting pain once every six weeks to help me conquer this beard again. Even though it is mostly gray now (and laser only zap it for the time being, it doesn't promise any help with gray hairs) lasering still keeps the hair under control to an extent. I never thought I'd do it again, but I'm sick of my beard and mustache. Sigh. I say that now, but in five treatments, I will quit and say ONCE AGAIN, "Why am I paying people to hurt me like this?!?!?" I dragged my husband to the nearest Meijer store today because I was out of bird food. I complain about feeding them ("They eat me out of house and home!!") but I cannot stop feeding them as I really do adore my birds. It has been so cold and they seem very grateful for the food. I took down the Christmas decorations the other day, and now the finches fly away from the finch feeders out front keep running into the front window...I need to get some other kind of window clings to put up there - there has been windows clings in that window since September for Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. I feel bad for the poor brain damaged finches. Is it too early to put up Valentines? Anyway, when we were at Meijer's store, we walked past a trainee named Stacy. Stacy was obviously a transgender person. (Good for Stacy for living his/her dream. It takes guts.) But Stacy had over used a hideous perfume that we normally relate to older ladies who must think that scent is marvelous but IT IS NOT and the scent clung to us all throughout the store. It would get stronger and I would say quietly to to my husband, "I smell Stacy..." and then she'd walk by! Sigh. Stacy, if you read this, please tone down the perfume, honey. That stuff has some odd form of chemical make up that embeds itself in the human nose and stays for six weeks. I still smell it. I still taste it. My husband was dry heaving all the way home. "Did they spray me with it? I STILL SMELL IT!!" he would cry repeatedly. Please, Stacy - switch to something less deadly. You are a pretty girl - don't overpower your beauty with a scent that could start a world war or cause mass extinction ... A meteor didn't cause the dinosaur extinction - Stacy's perfume did. I loved putting up Christmas decorations this year and I was sad to take it down. I also dreaded taking them down. We also lost Olaf this year - if we could have a moment of silence - The blow up 8 foot Olaf that sat out front and scared the dog because it would rock in the wind... Olaf's motor died way too soon. Once we find him again (he is currently buried in a snow drift somewhere out front) we will give him a proper burial. I will post here (below) what I posted to Facebook. The two people who read this blog also are my Facebook friends, so it will be redundant - but I am doing it to record it for history purposes. I hope we all have a good 2018. So far we've done pretty good, aye - we woke up breathing! "Besides dealing with the ultimate end results of getting older (such as freely discussing things with your friends concerning body orifices and things that ooze out of them in the winter or the fear of falling on an icy patch that is not even remotely near you or having more bionic body parts than original body parts) I have come to embrace this ‘getting older’ thing. I enjoy the attitude I have now and my outlook on life. The things that used to be so pressing or horrible are now just ‘things’ and they do not seem so devastating. The petty worries that used to consume me are now sliding away like butter on a hot skillet (mmmmm….butter…but I digress). Any irritations I feel from circumstances in my life are reasoned away with a wiser, more experienced brain. (Or I am just completely forgetting them and wandering off to find where I parked…) I can accept that my beard is coming in gray now and I will have possible future employment as Santa Claus... I can accept my tired vision by get stronger reading glasses and just resign myself to the fact that eventually I will call for the cat and let a skunk in the house... I can see the world in a way that pleases me like a hot cup of coffee on a zero degree wind chill morning, such as today. I am enjoying this part of my life and thank the Powers that Be I made it this far to enjoy it – many of my family and friends did not – I do not take this life for granted. I wish you all a Happy New Year. May you all find some form of happiness from the ‘little things’ around you on a daily basis every day in the New Year. I hope you all let those around you know how much you love them or appreciate them (and those who you do not appreciate, I hope you do not get arrested for excessive taser use…) Thank you for being my friends.
Happy and Blessed New Year to you
all!" January 9,
2018 - My husband got
several packages of the newer, soft
light, 'use less power but it shines
like a s.o.b.' light bulbs. As old
bulbs burn out, he replaces them
with these new soft light goobers.
This has been an eye opener for me.
They do give out more light -
brighter - where I can see how I
have failed so miserably as a house
keeper. Things I didn't know were
dirty ARE horribly dirty, because
now I can see they are dirty! Ugh.
The bathroom was the worst
'awakening' to the lack of my house
cleaning prowess. Unreal. I could
choose to spend several days
cleaning thoroughly or I can just
keep the lights off. (I've chosen
the latter at this point...) Rocko is going stir crazy in the
house. He wants out. He spent about
an hour outside yesterday when it
was warmer than it has been in a
LONG time, but still it is not
enough. He bounces off the walls
because he wants to go out so badly.
He has an 'anti-snow on my paw'
policy, however, so it stops him
dead at the door normally. It is
supposed to get up to 50 degrees by
Thursday before the temperature
drops and becomes winter again so
maybe then he can go out and poop
outside and feel better for a while.
That's all any of us want really, to
romp outside and poop in a mole
hole, right? Both of the Network Engineers we
have at work were off duty last
Friday and that is when all of our
new leased printers came in and had
to be installed. It was a surprise
to me and ended up being a very busy
day. Thanks to NE#1 who taught me
things during the last printer
installation, I did pretty good
getting things set up on my own.
Viva technology. I do have more
questions however and am waiting for
NE#2 to return from vacation to help
me with those things. (I like
learning. It is fun-damental, or is
that reading?) Nonetheless I need to
know what the last two issues are
and why they are and how to fix them
on a network. There were 14 deer across the road
the other night causing Jake the Dog
to be on high alert. (I am sure Jake
cannot see very well anymore with
his fogged over old eyes, but he saw
that there was black on the white
snow, so that is justification for
any dog to go ballistic and bark
like an idiot.) I know they come
over and partake of the bird seed
since I have been going through a
lot lately. With the prior sub-zero
temps they were probably very
hungry, those deer. I don't mind
that the birds share their food with
the deer, I just worry about all
those deer coming over across the
road when people drive past this
house at high speeds. Most humans
are idiots. I assume it is genetics.
Speaking of old eyes...after I had
my cataract surgery done on my left
eye several years ago I have had a
'floater' of sorts. It looks like a
teenie tiny itty-bitty wee little
black sperm. A black dot with a
tail. I can only see it when I look
at solid light colors like snow or a
blue sky or white cloudy sky (so
thanks to my husband, I see it all
over when in the house now because
of those new light bulbs - ugh...)
but I seldom notice it other than
that. I did ask my eye doctor about
it and she said, "Yep, you have a
speck in there all right" and let me
know it was not a rip or tear in my
eye. I just happen to have a life
long microscopic friend now, I
suppose. I will have to come up with
a name for it ... possibly
'Blinky'... January 13,
2018 - All the snow we had
left us during the warm up to 57
degrees the other day, and now it is
down to 6 degrees again with a new
dusting of snow. I suppose Mother
Nature does this to clean the canvas
as it were - start fresh. Get rid of
all the random deer tracks so she
can start over with more random deer
tracks. I am on my second cup of coffee. If
you had told me at the ripe old age
of 10 years old I would be dependent
on a caffeinated liquid at 57 I
would have said, "I will never drink
that stuff!" Well, never say never.
I am not even sure when I started to
appreciate coffee, I just know that
my first thoughts in the morning
besides HOPEFULLY making to the
bathroom is to get a cup of
coffee... January 22,
2018 - It is raining out at
this very moment and the ground is
squishy and the snow is leaving.
Jake is not inspired to poop this
morning due to the rain, but I am
sure the need to do it will override
his angst that it is raining before
I leave for work. Sometimes you just
have to poop no matter what is
happening. I skimmed through the news this
morning. I had a 'news free' weekend
and had to catch up. The parasite on
this Earth that is the Human Species
makes for sad news. Sigh. Over the
weekend I had several calls (that
went to voice mail) letting me know
the government was shut down due to
people like Michigan's Senator
Stabenow so I had best call her and
complain about how Democrats are
ruining the country and all. Sigh. I
was honored to delete those calls.
Failure at the government level is
not just Democrats, it is
Republicans and all humans in
Washington D.C. Wait,
it is OUR fault for
electing people who cannot play well
with others, actually. I do so wish
if the government 'shuts down' that
they all lose their pay until they
work things out. Lock 'em in a room
and don't let them come out until
they work out issues... During the day on Saturday I let
Jake out the back and he went right
to our resident opossum who was
eating bird food in the dog pen. I
did not see her before I let him out
so I ran out and dragged him back in
the house. I swear I think Jake
assumes it is a cat of some sort. He
does not raise his fur on his back
nor bark at the thing, he just
sniffs its face. The opossum was
sort of hissing but did not move.
After dragging Jake back in I went
out and talked to her for a while.
She ignored me and went down the
fence row eating morning glory seed
pods that were near her level. Then
she exited out a place in the fence
that I didn't think she could fit
through and went back to the willow
tree. I followed her to the back
side of the tree. OMG! THE BACK SIDE
OF THAT OLD WILLOW TREE IS JUST
RIDDLED WITH HOLES! So many holes!
Wood pecker holes - huge gaping
holes in general. She could have
been in any of the holes in that
tree. Sigh. The willow tree really
needs to come down. It is ancient
and has served its purpose and is an
accident waiting to happen. I will
have to get estimates from a tree
service this summer... January 28, 2018 - It was an uneventful weekend, really. Just normal stuff. I mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors and washed the kitchen rugs. I did normal laundry, too. We went grocery shopping yesterday. Just a 'normal' kind of weekend. I picked up a few sticks in the yard and burned the burnables. I feel relaxed and ready for the new week ahead... My husband is probably thinking, "Me, not so much." He took Friday and Monday off to replace our toilet. Who wouldn't think this was a grand thing to do on a vacation day? Hahahaha. We've had the new toilet for two weeks in the living room once we noticed the old toilet was leaking from the base. Rocko decided that huge box with a toilet in it was HIS THRONE. He used that box as a scratching post, shredding cardboard all over, and sleeping on top of said box like he was royalty. I wanted to make a house for Rocko out of that box after the toilet was installed but my husband made some odd noises in his throat which (I assumed) meant "That stupid cat doesn't need a stupid cardboard house" so that didn't happen. I was in an all day meeting at work on Friday so I warned him if he tore a muscle or exploded a body part doing the toilet he should just call 911 as I wouldn't get his call. He did not lose nor maim any major organs or body parts, although he is very sore. (He is in soaking is a hot tub in one of my cool bath bombs and lots of Epson salts as I type this. The water is a lovely plum color and it smells pretty, too.) It took him all day to get the old crappy crapper out and get the new flange in and the whole area set up. This house is an old garage and everything is cement. It is not easy to do anything related with the floor area unless you enjoy working with cement. He does not. When I got home I was able to pee on the brand new toilet. He said once he got the old toilet out and all of the clean up that needed to be done, well - done - putting in the new toilet was just a 15 minutes job. The rest of the day was spent jury rigging the toilet area. I think he did a fine job. We are successful poopers once again. The new toilet flushes so fast it is a constant source of amazement for us. We will flush and stand and gawk at the toilet like it was a sea of shimmering gold laced with sparkling diamonds that emit a myriad of rainbows shooting straight up. (Obviously we are cheap dates.) Once one uses a toilet for most of their life, the idea of being without one is unnerving. I am glad I have a husband who can make things work (for the most part). I asked him to try not to break the old toilet so I could fancy it into a fairy garden. He did manage to save the old toilet. After I clean it up this spring, I have plans for it....stay tuned. January 30, 2018 - Happy Tuesday. I came home from work at lunch time. I threw in the towel. I have been feeling like I've been getting sick for several weeks now, but I've not given in to that feeling. Last week the coughing got worse and phlegm started draining from my nose and flying out of my chest. Still, I thought it was a passing thing. Duh. Today I was only able to muster enough sound from my vocal chords to squeak. I was tired. I gave in and came home. At work our health insurance plan is company self funded so they encourage us to use 'Healthiest You' - a thing where you can schedule a call from a doctor in your state on the phone. This is cheaper for the company if you do this since I think they pay a yearly fee for their employees to access this service. Honestly, I knew I was like three days away from bronchitis so I called Healthiest You. (Which is kind of an oxymoron since you only call when you are the furthest from a 'healthiest you' ...) I got a call from a nice doctor and discussed my issue. I managed to hack up a lung when speaking with him so I'm sure that helped his diagnostic chore, plus the fact I sounded like Marlene Dietrich huffing helium. He decided to call me in some antibiotics and told me to follow up with my family doctor in three days if this did not do the trick. He has the coolest voice. Almost a 'Mike Rowe' sounding voice. I squeaked as long as I dared to keep him on the line. I have a thing for voices. Smile. I also have a thing for personally talking a lot, so I hope this antibiotic works and fixes my laryngitis. (One of the help calls I did this morning at work, the end user said, "Uh, Um...I kinda like it when you whisper to me..." which made me make odd noises like a horse being run over by a tractor in an attempt to laugh.) After the telephone doctor visit was over, work called and I had to get on line and work a bit. Then I soaked in a very hot tub and my body was happy I did this because suddenly I was aching all over. Once I admitted to myself I had been and was sick my body rejoiced. "Finally!" my throat said. "I have been trying to tell her for weeks!" my lungs chimed in, "...I even almost choked her to death three times!!" "Frankly, I'm relieved - I need a break!" my bladder threw in... I think once you allow your body to be sick when you know full well it has been it decides to pull the plug on the whole bravado behavior and you feel like warmed over dog crap instantly. I tried to take a nap but there was no sleeping. I got up and sat in my chair. I called and made various clicking and grunting noises to my husband on the phone and he gathered I needed him to stop and pick up a prescription on the way home... (When he got home he was making fun of my vocal ability, mocking how I sounded, so I have just decided to shut up for the night. Probably better for my throat, anyway.) I had made a big pot of chicken soup on Monday night so that is what we had for supper tonight, too. The heat in my throat felt good. When my husband got home with my drugs I popped my first pill and have since just been doing little things trying to be quiet. My husband is now snoring in his lazy boy and I am typing here and all is merry and bright. After I got home today, Jake the Dog heard something and was barking out the front window. A cable truck was putting up an orange sign indicating men were working up ahead. I let Jake out and he barked at the sign (there were no longer humans present, mind you) for ten minutes. This made me chuckle. With all his barking at the horrid orange sign with a stick man on it, the neighbor dogs got riled and started barking in their house which inspired Jake to bark to the south for another ten minutes. Hahahahaha. Life is never boring when you have a dumb dog. I am off to gargle with salt water and maybe even soak in one more hot bath. I'm gonna have to face it I'm addicted to hot baths. Maybe there is a therapy group for that... February 6, 2018 - When I was cleaning off my car this morning, I had two thoughts...February 10 is my Mom's Birthday (and if she was alive, she would have been 96) and we usually have ice storms around her Birthday and I was wondering if we would, indeed, get an ice storm this year? The second thought was concerning the fact the National Weather Service issues Winter Advisories for, well - WINTER. This confuses me - we all know it is going to snow in winter, right? I think they over warn us about obvious things...until you hear about people eating Tide Pods and suing over hot coffee from McDonald's, then you understand that our society has turned into a herd of cows with no common sense, I guess. Sad really. Humans will continue to baffle me. My  neighbors
brought me a present on
Sunday! They found the coolest
lightning stone and bought it
for me. (A lightning stone is:
"Septarian "lightning stone"
are predominantly made of an
argillaceous clay rich
carbonate. Their creation
dates back to the Devonian
period when the Earth's
climate change occurred. This
forced the clay rich carbonate
to harden by chemical
desiccation as the inside of
the stone begins to dry out
forming interesting cracks .
At this point in its
development these cracks begin
to collect and fill in with
carbonate silica ground water
forming crystals." My rock
says "Hi" on the side! I love
it. Ron had his leaf blower
with him and blew off our
cars. He is an artist with
that thing. I would have never
thought of using a leaf blower
to keep up with snow
accumulation - but now it make
complete sense. Who knew? Last night when I got home from work I just threw together a salsa ground chicken meat loaf and threw it in the oven. We had mashed cauliflower and mixed veggies and the salsa meat loaf for supper. We've been trying to eat at home which is healthier than eating out and frankly, I am sick of coming up with meal ideas! My husband was not impressed with the feeble attempt at this particular meal. I will be eating the leftovers this time... I am eating a serving of the meatloaf for breakfast now and it aged very well, to be honest. He is missing out... I will taunt him with this fact in an email... I sent the kids a video of the new toilet flushing. It flushes with such gusto! The kids grew up with a toilet that had to flushed twice, normally - and then you had to play with the handle to stop it from running and sacrifice a duck to please the toilet gods, etc. I am sure they were impressed because who wouldn't be? I bet that thing could suck a plane out of the sky at 30,000 feet, this new one flushes with such fury. "Hey, Kids! Come over and poop in our new toilet and be amazed!" Now how many Mom's do you know that have that bragging right? February 8, 2018 - Yesterday at work I felt like I was 'winding down' and feeling worse and worse. I called the doctor's office and made an appointment with a real doctor. The antibiotics I got last week from that TelMed doctor managed to fix my laryngitis but other than that, I did not feel any better. Those antibiotics felt like the Red Cross of antibiotics - taking in coffee and donuts for the victims, but I felt I needed a round of National Guard antibiotics to help me. I am glad I went in now - bronchitis and EAR INFECTIONS! They also commented on how red my throat was...What the?!?! I did not know my ears were infected. Go me. I came home with good, kick butt drugs and an inhaler to help me partake of oxygen since that seems to be vital for human survival. I called in sick to work today so I could sleep, but my back up at work had an appointment for furnace repair this morning so I'm working from home until she comes back into work before I log off and go die. I understand that the 'Healthiest You' thing is great on some levels and saves my company money, but I've come to the conclusion you need boots on the ground and a real medical professional to look into your orifices and assess internal situations. I should have done that a week ago, really. I know myself well enough to know I was dancing with something that was stronger than my immune system .... We are due for some 8" of snow in the next 24 hours or so. Goody. Why not? I mean, it is winter still and I would rather have snow than an ice storm. I want my BFF to move back to Michigan but if Michigan keeps being, well MICHIGAN, she never will. She is used to warmer weather now and I will never get her back up here...(I say that while shaking my hand at Mother Nature.) Right now the sun is out and it is bright, but that is a ruse - don't be fooled. I feel particularly cold today for some reason - maybe it is the temperature outside - a steaming 15 degrees (3 degree wind chill). The furnace thermostat in the house says it is 68 degrees so I'm not sure why feel so cold. I might bump it up to 70. I might also soak in a very hot tub before climbing into bed. February 18, 2018 - There are many deer and geese across the road and Rocko and Jake spent a lot of time protecting us from them just now...Jake was barking and barking and Rocko was stalking and stalking... hahahahahaha. The deer paid no mind to Jake and his barking. I heard Sophie barking at them too. The deer know the dogs are all bark and no bite. When I got home for lunch the other day, Sophie came over and was jumping around all happy to see me. (I say she was happy to see me but we all know she just wanted cookies.) I let her in and went about my lunch routine and totally forgot she was in the house. About a half hour later I realized she was in the living room. Hahahaha. I gave her a cookie and sent her on her way. I temporarily was holding Sophie hostage. I should have called Sue and Ron and demanded money... On Thursday morning, my Aunt Jean passed away. I spend a lot of time weeping at work now and then. Thursday night after my husband went to bed, I let it out and cried for a long time. When women start crying that hard, they end up for crying for EVERYTHING SAD, EVER in the history of man, so I had a good soul purge. I posted this on Facebook on Thursday morning, but will save it here as well for future history purposes: "My Aunt Jean passed this morning. This had me in bouts of tears all day. She was not necessarily like a “Mother” figure to me in my early life, but she was my honorary “Mom” after my Mom passed away in 1998 for we all need a Mom for a long as we can have one, as we all know… My own Mother was more of a ‘martyr’ type – always apologizing and feeling inferior to all people all the time. Had I not had my Aunt Jean to balance that, I am not sure what would have become of me. Aunt Jean was feisty and verbal and strong and RIGHT about most things all the time (if you asked her). She showed me a woman could have an opinion that meant something. She showed me women could be leaders and forge paths that no man could. I feel I’ve become the human I am today with the perfect combination of my Mom and Aunt Jean, which allowed me to become my own person of my own making. I thank both of them profusely every day for that… My Mom had 5 sisters and two brothers, but Aunt Jean was the closest to us in location so we saw them often. I treasured our trips to play with my cousins, Dan and Dave. I so enjoyed the trips to their house - partially because of the ‘junk food drawer’ she kept that she let us access freely that swayed me on my visits. Smile. I tried ranch dressing for the first time there – and thought I had died and gone to Heaven. What was this wondrous thing, ranch dressing?! Smile. She would take me shopping
at times and showed me
special attention… One day on her way home from work (she was a nurse) she pulled in our driveway (before my Mom and Dad got home from work) and handed me a puppy out the car window and drove away. I don’t think she said anything, really – just “HERE.” I named the puppy Corky. Corky ended up being the greatest dog ever. My Dad was a hard man and didn’t let us have a dog, but how could anyone take a puppy away from a kid once they had named it and had ran it half way around the block? I got to keep Corky… In their later years, I would clean for her and Uncle Lorin. I would make them dinners. I would bring them food. But the thing I like to do most was make her laugh. She would laugh like my Mom used to, holding it in best she could but she would end up vibrating up and down with joy like Santa Claus. Even if I said something off color, after chastising me, she would rumble… She had a sharp memory and her memories of events in her childhood were hard for her to overcome. She never did overcome those bad memories. I hope now that she’s on her new journey, she can cast away all the bad things that filled her mind and be free, full of love, and full of pure joy. I hope she hangs out with my Mom and I hope she sets Heaven straight, because I’m sure even God needs a good opinionated woman to assist from time to time…. Thank you Aunt Jean, for
you." I cried writing it, but not
a sad kind of cry. I am full
of memories for her and will
cherish those. Death is only
hard on the people left
behind. The people who have
passed are free from any of
those types of emotions.
They are free.
Earlier this week our pump
was not keeping pressure.
You would have to go out to
the pump shed and thunk the
switch box for it to work.
Thumping the pump in your
nightgown when it is 9
degrees out is not
enjoyable. My husband fixed
the pump switch on Tuesday
night so we have a fully
pressurized tank. (I am
lucky to have a husband that
can fix things.) Our water
'round these parts is 99
percent iron, dark matter,
and other minerals and 1
percent actual water, so the
disruption of the water tank
caused much gunk to break
free in the water lines.
This caused the screens on
the waterlines to the washer
to become plugged up (or I
should say MORE
plugged, since obviously the
feed to the washer has been
getting worse and worse over
the last few years). It was
taking 1.5 hours to fill the
washer!! Thursday night we
moved every thing in the
utility room to get to the
back of the washer and clean
out those screens. Now the
washer fills so fast I
sometimes miss the rinse
cycle. I'm glad I have dryer
sheets on hand... Between
staring at the new toilet
flushing like a hurricane
and being amazed, we are now
are amazed by how fast the
washer fills. We cannot
handle so much excitement in
one lifetime. I am feeling ever so much
better now that I do not
feel bad anymore.
Antibiotics are marvelous
things. I hope this round of
being ill is all I have to
endure for a while. At least
it was a 'working' illness
and did not have be in bed
and dying. Still, no more
for a while, please. February
20, 2018 - I forgot
to mention that when they
weighed me and measured me
last week at the doctor
appointment that they
measured me at 5' 3". I have
been 5' 4" all of my adult
life! I made them take the
height measurement again and
pulled myself up with all
the royalty and bravado my
spine could muster. Still 5'
3" .... sigh. I am
shrinking. This happens to
all humans, but damn... I am
turning into a hobbit. (I
have always considered
myself a Samwise Gamgee type
anyway, I suppose.) I shake
my fist at older age and
gravity. I have enough
trouble getting things off
of high shelves as it is... Tomorrow is Aunt Jean's
funeral. As much rain as we
are getting, I do hope it
lets up a bit for the
internment part for the
family's sake. I do not go
to the funeral internment
part of a funeral. I feel
that is for the direct
family
(kids/husbands/wives). I
assume I will go to my own
internment if there is one,
but I truly hope not.
Hopefully the kids know by
now that I want to be
cremated and my ashes let
loose upon humanity... February
22, 2018 - There
has been a white plastic
grocery bag in the
neighbor's tree nearest to
my yard since the leaves
fell in the fall. I have
seen this bag every day
for all these months but I
can guarantee that at LEAST
20 times I've seen it
reflecting in headlights and
thought to myself, "My, the
moon looks funny..."
Seriously Sandy? I figured
out it was the plastic
grocery bag and laughed
loudly. How many more time
will this happen until
spring? Stay tuned. (Oh look
there's the moon...) Aunt Jean's funeral was a
good funeral. Funerals are
never 'nice' or 'fun' I
know. However, it is good to
see my favorite cousins and
Aunt, so in a way it was
enjoyable. My cousin Dave
rented a room at a local pub
so we could all congregate
at after the funeral, and we
told stories and just talked
and that was fun.
Therapeutic, too. It was
agreed upon that Aunt Jean
was a strong willed woman.
Smile. I will miss her, as I
miss my Mom and my Aunt
Vera, but they all live on
in me - and I've spread the
best of them all over my
kids. Thanks to those lovely
ladies, I was able to raise
a damned fine family. I owe
them all a lot. This morning I was staring
out the window like any good
older neighbor woman does to
stare at the neighbors area
to my south when I thought I
saw a deer in silhouette. It
was shorter than a deer,
though,so I walked outside
and when it heard the door
shut and it scooted to the
east. When it passed in
front of my neighbor's work
shed, I could see it sort of
had the head of a German
Shepherd. It freaked me out
a bit thinking I had
possibly seen a chupacabra
for a second there... (I
decided it was Conner, the
German Shepherd that belongs
to the neighbors on the next
street but for a second, I
got goosebumps. We must
remember, however, I think a
plastic grocery bag is moon,
so what the hell do I know?)
February
26, 2016 - This
morning when I let Jake in
from the poop pen, I could
hear an owl in the distance
hooting away. I announced
this to my husband who was
on the toilet at the time.
"There's a hoot owl out
there..." There are calls of sandhill
cranes in the swamp to our
west and lots of red winged
black birds. (If you ask me
how I know they are those
types of birds, I will smack
you...) I was pondering this
morning how I think it is
way to early for these birds
to be back and about, but
the weather changes and
maybe the magnetic poles of
the Earth are changing as I
type for all I know, and
maybe my memories of WHEN
something should be is
incorrect. So if they are
back, they are back, and I
won't try to reason why I
think it is so early for
them to be here, I am just
happy they are back. The red
winged blackbirds have
already found the bird food
and are consuming it in mass
quantities. It was a good weekend. My
oldest came over for a home
cooked meal on Saturday. He
brought my granddog Watson
along. My son requested a
simple meal of
pigs-in-a-blanket and
spinach. Perfect Saturday
meal, actually. It was good
to visit with him. He
finally brought back all the
plastic containers that I've
sent food home with the
boys. SO MANY PLASTIC
CONTAINERS!! I will not want
for containers for some
time. He said they had used
all those tubs for making
forts...hahaha. On Sunday I
made whole wheat bread and
another batch of butter. (My
niece had given me a bread
maker that had a butter
setting, so if something has
a butter setting - YOU
MAKE BUTTER. It is
pretty darned cool.) We also
picked up some of the big
branches that fell in the
yard from the 40+ MPH winds
we were having. Nothing too
exciting on Sunday, really.
I woke up breathing, so that
was marvelous. March 9, 2018 - I am glad February is over,
only because I
hate typing that
word. February and
Wednesday have
always given me
grief on the
spelling side of
life. Those are
words I have to
actually say
phonically in my
head whilst
typing...
FEB RU
ARY and WED NES
DAY... It is cold out. It doesn't even feel remotely like spring. The birds are acting like it's spring so there is hope. (Well, so are the squirrels for that matter...wink wink, nudge nudge...) I want warmer weather. I am sure we all do. To be honest, I don't know what I want lately. I want warmer weather and green grass and blooming trees but I don't look forward to yard work. There ain't no makin' me happy, I tells ya. I do know I will take a nice hot bath here in a little bit with a bunny bath bomb I bought myself and work out my anger and confusion in the comforting waves of my hot tub. My Mother in Law fell the other day and was in and out of the hospital afterwards. She is 93. My husband had stopped over there to visit on his half day off on Thursday and she walked him out to his car and waved to him as he left. (After he left is when she fell.) He didn't know she fell until the calls came. He felt horrible - it was his fault. "I should have never let her walk me out!!" She is back home now. His oldest sister lives right next door and is the main on site care giver at this point. My husband went over for several hours yesterday to give his sister a small break. Tomorrow I'm sure the girls will work on plans and setting something up for assistance, etc. I find it very frustrating that when a person has a wee little bit but not much that they no agency can help them without taking that wee little bit from them. Sigh. I feel for the family at this time in their Mom's life. We all have to go through it eventually but that thought is no comfort at all. April 4, 2018 - Update on Mom in Law - she's recovering well. I believe with the girls getting her to eat properly she has regained some strength. The physical therapist who was there last night said she could be left unsupervised now. I hope she continues to kick butt and take names. I saw my first dead skunk of the season (in the middle of the road) ((stinkin' to high heaven))... As cold as it is, the critters 'round these parts carry on like it IS spring. My friend Judy is in Florida where she said it was 80 degrees. Good for her. I warned her there will be a seasonal culture shock when she comes home this weekend. I always take the first week of May off to do my flowers and fairy gardens but with the way this weather is going I might just be off snow plowing... Last night we had thunder and lightening and tiny hail balls. Today and tomorrow we are due for 1-3 inches of snow so... Monday night when I was getting ready to leave work our intern asked me how my Easter was. We discussed what each of us did Sunday and he was telling me about all the good food there was at his family's Easter. Then we discussed the various ways to make scalloped potatoes. That led to a discussion about getting older. I was going on about how I have shrunk and used to be 5' 4" and now I'm 5' 3" tall, and he was amazed at that fact. I explained how everyone 'shrinks' as they get older. "But you're not that old!" he blurted. "Honey, I'll be 58 this year! I was born in 1960!" No doubt I'm just a few years shy of his Grandma's age. He looked confused at that and I could see him doing mental math and he said, 'Wait. What?" and continued to be dazed by my remark. I poked my head into Rob's office and said, "He doesn't think I'm that old, Rob! Gosh, can I keep him?!" Rob gave me permission to keep him. Speaking of shrinking, when we had a girls night out a few weeks ago my friend Kathy was saying that we start out taller in the morning and shrink as the gravity compresses us throughout the day which is proven by the fact we have to adjust our rear view mirror every time we get in the car. THIS IS TRUE, BY THE WAY. It provided for good laughs, but it is sadly true. I, too, have to adjust my rear view as the day progresses. Deb and Amy were discussing the same thing at work about getting older and shorter. Hahahahaha. I am a firm believer if we are all thinking generally the same thing that there is something in the collective unconscious that is inspiring us to think the same thing. (At least for us old geezers.) Work is going to be very 'worky' the next few weeks so if I drop off the face of the Earth, fear not. (Unless they find a 'jane doe' in a field somewhere that is fat ... and seems to be shrinking...) April 6, 2018 - When I let Jake the dog out this morning and saw that blanket of white my first thought was "...If this was Christmas I would be absolutely giddy that there was snow..." and my second thought was "...but in reality, I would love to be packin' a taser about now and meet Mother Nature in a dark alley..." April snow showers bring May snow flowers? That is a interpretation of that song I do no want to sing... Last week when I pulled in the drive way (or was it the week before?) I noticed a dead bunny in my yard. The head was missing. I laughed at myself when I thought that maybe it was the right of passage for a young male hawk to behead a rabbit and fly around with the head on it's belt or something, but then I thought, "OH NO, ROCKO?!?!" Rocko the cat has killed several birds and one mouse since he's been 'our' cat but never anything as large as this rabbit. Nonetheless, I ran into the house and found him and checked him all over. Sure enough, he had a wound on his chest. It didn't look too bad, really, but I cleaned it out and put Bactine on it. Other than that wound, he seemed fine. When I got home from work, I used antibiotic cream on it. He still seemed fine and ate and pooped and was normal Rocko. I continued to treat the wound and at one point it got quite nasty looking, but boo boos do not deter me and I continued to keep it clean and treated. A quick Reader's Digest history - Rocko was bequeathed to us by my daughter who couldn't really keep him anymore due to their dogs. Their Husky Zora just wanted to play and eat Rocko. Rocko was not happy in the city anymore and had to be barricaded in the bedroom for his own safety. He was left here after a visit 'by accident' and now Rocko is our cat. Rocko never took to anyone here except Jake and my husband. Rocko doesn't snuggle or want loving. (He does, on occasion, sit on my husband for attention but this is rare.) Rocko used to pee all over EVERYTHING until he started going outside. Once he was able to roam a bit, the indoor pissing stopped. Sigh. Rocko will get on the kitchen table and wait for someone to come around the corner so he can rip their arms off. I love him for being one of God's creatures, but I am not FOND of him. He won't play or cuddle. He just spends the majority of his time humping his fuzzy blanket 'girlfriend' and scratching up the furniture or waking us up at night because he's hungry. Ugh. Last weekend when he started sneezing and coughing I thought that maybe he was dying from a disease he got from the rabbit incident. (We are pretty sure that Rocko did not kill that rabbit but wanted in on the action - possibly the local feral cat outside did the dirty work and Rocko was at the wrong place and the wrong time...) I did not rush him to cat emergency because he is, well - Rocko. All weekend long we listened to him suffer and sneeze and come up missing in the house only to find him hiding upstairs in a confused daze. I was going to let nature take its course with Rocko but yesterday I finally couldn't take it anymore. I called the vet the minute they opened and got an appointment for Rocko after work last night. Rocko used to go to the veterinarian a lot because he had an issue pooping when he was with my daughter. He would get bound up. I am sure my daughter spent lots of money on that cat before we inherited him. Needless to say when we went into the vet office, Rocko was mad at me. He hissed. He had that guttural growl of disgust when they took his temperature (at the place where he HATES to be touched, his butt.) He is two pound lighter than last year, and they said that was the equivalent of a human losing 20 pounds. They took a blood draw to run a panel to see if anything inside was off kilter. The vet checked his wound and complimented me, saying the wound was healing quite well. He listened to his chest and breathing and Rocko had a huge snot fit for him (which is good because normally when you take animals or kids to the doctor they suddenly seem healthy as horses when just a few minutes before they were dying in the car...) Rocko got an antibiotic shot and tested well on all his blood panel. No feline leukemia, kidneys tested good, liver, etc. My husband texted me while I was waiting for the lab work. "Are you coming home alone :( " "Hell no - he's fine. He just has a cold..." "Get a second opinion, I'm pretty sure he's brain dead" When we got home Rocko ran into the bedroom and sat there in the doorway staring at me. He sat there for the longest time. Then he ate a can of cat food, peed in the bathtub, and went upstairs to sleep all the excitement off. Sigh. April 11, 2018 - Rocko seems to have made a full recovery. The gaping wound is almost invisible now and he has been eating us out of house and home. He is even a bit more 'loving' as far as nuzzling up to us and not being his total normal 'Rocko jerk' self. His poor fuzzy 'girlfriend' blanket has been taking the brunt of his new found energy, I fear. Cats...go figure. I went back to the doctors on Monday. I've had huge swollen lymph nodes in my neck (under the chin) for months now. Sometimes they are huge and remind me of tennis balls on steroids. Other times they are just small, hard boiled eggs. I have been through two rounds of antibiotics and they are still "swollen" and sometimes painful. I had been seeing the physician's assistant for this issue the first two times since other things were wrong and I had upper respiratory infections , but this time I went to see my family doctor. He checked all the other areas lymph nodes tend to bunch up and hang out like gangs on the back of the neck and armpits and groin area. Just my front neck nodes are being turd heads. We discussed what to do. He kind of didn't want to try one more round of antibiotics (a different type this time) because of my first two rounds. He didn't want me to end up with the explosive diarrhea that can happen with excessive use of antibiotics and can occur up to two weeks after the last round. I don't blame him. Who has time for uncontrollable diarrhea?? However, he was also not happy about the nodes. "I am concerned but not ready to panic yet..." he said. That means bad things. I told him no doubt I have some form of lymphoma and he told me not to think that way yet. So we went with the route of doing a ZPak of Azithromycin this time. I have a follow up appointment in a week. I tend to name my body parts (such as my night time brain function who I know as Brian) but I've never named those nodes. Suggestions welcome. I can come up with nothing suitable at this time, although Bosco and Barney come to mind...Note - I feel fine. I feel pretty good for having large foreign feeling objects in my neck, to be honest. :) My oldest will be over tonight for a home cooked pot of soup and he will bring my Granddog Watson. It will be nice. He's been trying to eat healthier (which is hard for a truck driver on the road for a week at a time) so I am doing a nice, healthy soup. No dessert, no fancy stuff. Just filling, hot soup. He is home this week babysitting Watson so my youngest son could work a job up north. That was very kind of his big brother. I will be working all weekend for the migration of my server to the new IBM Power9. (I know this means nothing to you all. It means a lot to me only.) I will test her for a week and then next weekend will go live on the new box. I have been planning this and reading stuff and prepping for this for a while now. I will be glad when this is over. Then we start on the long path of finding a new ERP solutions for the Company. Sigh. It's always something if I may quote Roseanne Roseanadanna. Viva Learning!! April 24, 2019 - I survived the transition and 'go live' and didn't die or anything. There was no fanfare or celebration. The project was just over. Done. I was playing the soundtrack to Jesus Christ Superstar on my PC Saturday, however, and when I walked out of the server room for the last time before going home, 'Superstar' was on and I raised my arms and said, "Thank you...Thank you..." That made me laugh a bit to myself. If you do a job right, there IS no fanfare. Things just WORK as they always have. That is how it is supposed to go. My husband said we'd celebrate when I got home but he just sat in his chair playing video games. I drank a beer. My friend Sue came over and we sat outside in the nice weather and we drank a beer together discussing the down side of getting older. It was good to have someone to talk to even if we were lamenting our increasing ages and the lack of 'perks' to old age as it were... (Except for the wisdom that comes with age, we pretty well decided it sucks getting older and what good is wisdom ANYWAY if we can't put it to good use because we just don't work that way anymore?) I go for a node scan in early May on my lymph 'eggs' in my neck. When I went to the doctor last week the doctor asked "Is there any history of thyroid cancer in your family?" and I visually demonstrated all the areas where cancer hit my family in a "Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes" sort of way. I pointed down below and said, "There was bladder cancer on my dad's side" and then to my rear and said "and colon cancer in my Mom" and then to my lungs "and my Dad had lung cancer" and then I said, "No breast or thyroid cancer..." He made an attempt at humor and said, 'Well, maybe with generations it works it way up" and I laughed in a polite way. Then I sighed a big sigh and said, "Ugh." So sometime this week I will go for a full blood panel and then get my head scanned and we will go from there. I wonder if it was the laser hair treatments I had done that did not work and only encourage a stronger, more powerful superhuman beard. Sigh. Maybe my lymph nodes are just blocked by ingrown hairs!! This is entirely possible. I don't get hair on my legs anymore so maybe it is all congregating in my neck and once they find out it just a hair ball and pull it out I'll look like a member of ZZ Top. I will end up donating my hair ball to Locks of Love or something and become famous. I can see it all now... April 30, 2018 - Greetings and Salutations. There is frost on everything outside. Winter is just not letting go! I think we'll need to get a PPO against it... The weekend was GRAND - weather wise. The sky was such a pretty blue and it was just gorgeous outside. I got to do a little push mowing and weed whacking on Saturday. I put out a few more spring/summer things. All of my solar lights are out at this point. I lost two. I will obviously have to replace them since I won't get the whole 'aerial view of an airport at night' effect without them. Smile. I had such an urge to go to the local green house and get flowers but I knew better. I will be patient. This is the week I normally take off from work to do my flowers but I have rescheduled for the end of the month. Kind of glad I did now... We went out to breakfast on Saturday then went grocery shopping, then came home and mowed the yard. My husband used the roller to smash down the irregularities in the yard (or as we call 'em round these parts - mole tunnels). Most are already back. Sigh. Yesterday I washed and vacuumed out my car and we went to the Cracker Barrel for lupper. The meal was so so but they have a latte called 'Goo Goo latte' and OH MY. If you are fond of coffee and candy, well then - this covered all those bases! Yum. Then we went back to the grocery store to get all the things I forgot the day before... It was a perfect 'old person' type of weekend of just doing what I wanted. The bedding got washed. Several things got dusted (if the sunshine pointed it out directly, that is...) A marvelous weekend. Last night, however, I had nightmares - or at least one that woke me out of a sound sleep. It was a dream where all the mistakes I made concerning my children were condensed into one dream. Scene after scene bombarded my brain in rapid succession. Every dumb thing I did or said or didn't do properly was slapping me upside the brain. Things I had totally forgotten I had done or had not done were paraded past me! Ugh. I eventually woke up in a panicked state - taking a bit to calm down before going back to sleep. I hope my children have forgiven me by now! Where the hell did that dream come from?!? Sigh. It just dawned on me this is the last day of the MONTH!?!?! Wow. That was fast. May 2, 2018 - Happy May. It got up to at least 85 degrees today. Mind you, on Monday we had FROST on everything. Pure Michigan. My daffodils are out in full force and from just this morning where there was just wee buds, tonight the leaves on the trees have exploded.  Some background
facts - the neighbor dog, Sophie,
just adores tennis balls. Most
tennis balls are neon yellow. She
will come over with a ball in her
mouth and beg you to play fetch.
She loves her balls.Over the weekend I decided to spruce up my plaster ducks that I put out on each side of my front door in the spring and summer. They had lost most of their paint over the years. I got my outdoor acrylic paint and gave the duckies a new look. The yellow came out exteremly NEON YELLOW LIKE even though I cut the bright yellow with a good amount of white. I set them out after they dried. Sophie came over on Monday (with a ball in her mouth) and greeted me by prancing up to me and showing me her tennis ball. Then she saw the ducks. She dropped her ball and ran over to the ducks. I could just hear what she was thinking...'THOSE ARE HUGE BALLS!' Hahahaha. She seemed very disappointed to find out they were not tennis balls. This was quite humorous. This weekend in the Rock and Mineral show and I can't wait. I love looking at all the rocks. They have even expanded into more rooms this year at the Expo Center. I have been going to the rock show since I was small. That was one thing I do remember from my childhood that we did (when it came to 'special' places we went. My family didn't do many 'special' things). When I was little, we would do the 'kid' stuff like like "panning for gold" where you would find tiny, polished rocks. Now that I'm all grown up, I will easily spend over 100 dollars on shiny rocks for myself so instead of panning for gold, I will be forking it over. (When I could just go outside and pick up rocks for free, mind you...) The other day Rocko the cat brought us a half dead mouse. He left it out by my car as a present. He didn't bother putting the poor thing out of its misery. Rocko had wounded it, and dropped it off for us to enjoy and then came in the house and ate a can of Fancy Feast. Sigh. I couldn't bring myself to break its wee neck to end its suffering. About an hour later I went out to check on it and it had passed. Jake came out with me and immediately saw the body and scooped it up into his mouth. "JAKE! NO!" I screamed. Then I started laughing because there were two small mouse legs sticking out the front of his mouth and his eyes were so huge. I pried his jaw apart while I'm laughing and scolding all at the same time. The look Jake gave me would have killed a normal human. He was SO MAD. He found it - he should be able to eat it!!! I got it out of his mouth and managed to keep him far enough away from it where I could scoop it up and take it to the garbage can. Jake pouted for over an hour. May 7, 2018 - I was scooping out Rocko's litter box the other day. I use the 'quick clumping' stuff and one of the huge clumps I scooped out was in the perfect shape of Africa which tickled me to no end. I yelled at my husband, "Hey, Rocko is pissin' continents!" and he yelled back, "I know he's incontinent, he pees in the tub all the time..." Sigh. This is how all of our conversations will go from now on until we die, I can see it now... My husband is a lover of garlic powder. He will often make himself garlic toast to go along with whatever I make for supper. He is generous with the garlic powder and uses it with gusto. I never knew how much gusto the boy had until this morning... He had heated up the leftovers from last night for his breakfast and of course made garlic toast. When the sun came through the kitchen window, on the counter was a bare spot in the shape of a piece of bread with a starburst debris field of garlic powder all around it. Sigh. Kids. I have humming birds! YAY! I am so happy. It is officially spring! May 11, 2018 - Now there are more than one hummingbird so the WWF of hummingbirds begins. Just because there are six holes on a humming bird feeder does not mean six birds will share without dueling like idiots. Come on guys - quit acting human! I push mowed the dog pen last night because the grass was so high and weeded around the dog pen fence. I got out my 'booter scooter' so I did not have to crawl on the ground to do that. I started out with no gloves on and two minutes later cut my middle finger on the rusty old fence. WHY DO I ATTEMPT TO DO THINGS IMPROPERLY? WHY? Had I had on my gardening gloves to start with I would not be pondering lockjaw right now. After doctoring my severed digit I did put on my gloves and finished the job I started. That fence is so darned old - I am not sure what is holding it together anymore. I would not be surprised to wake up one morning and find a pile of rust down wind... I weed around that fenced area once a year only. This is to give all the fledgling morning glories a chance to rise up and take over the fence. When I came in from the dog pen I soaked in a nice hot bath and went to bed. At 11:45 I woke up from a pleasant dream to searing pain from my liver. (I should have known this would happen. #1 - I ate junk food at work in mass quantities. Stress eating. Bad Bad Bad for Mr. Liver's attitude and #2 - I did all that bending and forcing mass amounts of fat rolls into the liver so it could not release the bile to break down the mass amounts of junk food I ate...) I sat on the edge of the bed drenched in a cold sweat. I rubbed the area near my liver and apologized profusely while trying not to faint from the pain. Once I was stabilized, I got up and went to the bathroom and drank some water. The pain did ebb and I went back to bed, making sure I was not sleeping on my liver side. Liver Dude, I'm so sorry... I used to think of the liver as "he who shall not be named" because of all the trauma I've been through with it but I've decided he is as much part of the family as all the other organs and should be treated as such. The junk food was a bad call on my part so I needed this reminder and all, but ouch. Just ouch. Today I go for my scan of my hard boiled egg lymph nodes in my neck. Hopefully this is enough 'visuals' to get the ball rolling to point me in the right direction to whoever I need to see to fix this situation. Something is not right so let's fix it or at least address it. I will not go gently into any dark night no matter what it turns out to be. My vacation starts in one week. I so need a vacation. I need to walk away care free soon or I will go postal. I have explained this to my coworkers and my boss in great detail as I acted it out for them as well so the point would sink in. I have to big plans. I just want to plant petunias and sleep until 10 and have someone play with my hair several times. I don't ask for much, but I do ASK FOR TIME OFF NOW! SOON! Keep me away from sharp objects until then... May 15, 2018 - Results from my neck scan (and I quote) "SANDY IS NORMAL." (Please mark this down for history purposes since we hear this phrase ever so seldom.) The scan showed perfect symmetry for saliva glands and lymph nodes and my thyroid was good. I still have two hard steely marbles in my neck, but apparently that is my new normal for my saliva glands. Drooling is not an issue so I know those two still work. As the tech said with a shrug, "Bodies change as we age..." So Sandy's body makes marbles and rocks... Speaking of rocks...my liver kept me hurting all day Friday. Even before I went to work I soaked in a hot tub to ease the pain. Later in the day when I got back from my neck scan I felt very sore and very tired and feverish. I managed to make it until 3 p.m. and told my coworker Judy I was going home. I came home and took my temperature. (They have warned me before that if there is fever with a liver/bile duct attack to go to ER.) I did have a fever but it didn't feel like a 'liver induced fever' so I took two aspirin and went to sleep. All weekend long I sported a fever. Every joint I possessed ached. I managed to eat three cans of chicken soup between Friday night and Sunday night. It honestly felt like the flu. I had a flu shot, so why did it feel like the flu? Sigh. I crappy Mother's Day weekend if you ask me, but I told the kids I get a Do Over.... My daughter came in on Saturday and popped by to give me my Mother's Day gift (a lovely bag full of Lush bath bombs and bubble bars) and she brought a cake. I managed to down a piece of cake on Saturday. (I mean, come on - it was cake. Cake has frosting. Duh. I could have flaming leaches all over my body and those leaches could have assault rifles and sharp knives AND rabies and I would somehow make time for cake.) She then brushed my hair for me which was sweet and then back to bed I went. Ugh. I called off the boys coming over until I was coherent. We will celebrate my awesomeness later on - most likely we'll do a Mather's Day and combine Mom and Father's day. Those are always fun.  Monday morning I
woke up and was AWAKE awake by 4
a.m. I had slept so much over the
weekend my body finally said,
"Well, that was fun now wasn't it
but really - blood is starting to
pool in odd places and you should
really move some now before the
amputations begin ..." So I got up
and stayed up. I noticed out the
window someone shining in yards
and the fields so I stepped
outside to bravely see what was
going on. That truck was over on
the next street by then but they
were still shining houses and in
between houses. Just then another
truck came by shining our house
and that damned spot light caught
me right in my retinas. This
angered me so I unfurled myself
like the alien from the movie 'The
Abyss' so they could see me in my
full glory. Serves them right. You
don't go shining peoples houses at
4 a.m. and not expect to
see a fat old woman in her penguin
nightgown with flu hair sticking
straight up, now, do you? Take
that! They continued on and then I saw police lights at the corner. Good! Maybe by then they would beg to be taken to jail after seeing what they just saw. The police stop did not last long, however, and the truck came back (still shining into all of our houses, but moving must faster now) and headed north. I assume they were looking for a lost dog and/or lost child and/or a chupacabra or something and it pleased me to know they would forever have the vision I presented lodged in their stupid wee brains.  May 27, 2018 - It has been a good week off. Last Saturday my oldest son met us at a green house I love and bought me my Mother Day flowers. He said I could spend 100 dollars. I spent $96.67. Smile. I loved my flowers and I got a new Blob House stone planter. I love the Blob House collection. Saturday afternoon we had my friend Dawn's wedding, and that was a lovely ceremony. Monday started out rainy so I mopped the floors and washed the rugs. Monday evening work called and had issues so I got on line to assist. I got quite irritated over the issue due to attitudes being presented and went out afterwards planted flowers. Getting dirty sure helped clear my head. I love to get dirty. The whole idea of this vacation was to get away from work and not go postal. It was a close call on the postal part... Jake helped a lot by giving me doggie kisses while I was down getting dirty on the ground. It cleared up Tuesday so I weed whacked and did the push mowing then the lawn tractor mowing. I planted my fairy gardens. I was so sore by the end of the day. A nice hot bath was in order with one of my Mother's Day bath bombs.. The rest of the week was just doing what I felt I needed to do. I went and had my hair played with three times. THREE TIMES. I'm a hair whore. Hahahaha. I had a pedicure on Thursday and got my roots touched up, then stopped and picked up some blue Adirondack chairs that I thought would be divine. They were not. They leaned too far back for old fat people to relax and they would have been too hard for my husband to get out of... I took those back and returned them. The lady said that A LOT of people bring those chairs back for that very reason. Why do they make them if people hate them??? Anyway... Friday my husband took the day off so we went to get new lawn old/fat people chairs and other things we needed. That was fun to just 'shop' at leisure and take our time. Yesterday we went grocery shopping. Today we are lazy. I did watch six crows harass a hawk this morning. The hawk ended up in one of our front trees and the crows took time dive bombing the poor guy. The hawk made a break for it and off they all went. It was quite a ruckus. I don't go back until Wednesday, so I'll see what other trouble I can get into while I'm off. It has been a good week and I no longer feel like I need to taser everyone I deal with. :) June 9, 2018 - I have been very quiet lately, haven't I? Rare for me. Mark that on your calendar! I have to relate the events of last night. It was quite comical and I would have loved to be watching it all from outside from the window. We had gone to supper at the local diner that normally isn't open at night, but it was Friday due to our local Burg's car show. We had a hoot chatting with the older car people there. Then we walked over and got an ice cream and walked around and admired the old cars. We also spent a great deal of time getting melted ice cream down the front of our clothes. No doubt we were the classiest people on site. All I can say is THANK GOD for WetOnes. When we came home we did our normal 'night' chores then settled down to be lazy. That's when we heard 'the noise'... it sounded like a very exhausted, grumpy cricket. A loud, slow cricket. My husband's ring tone for phone calls on his work cell and personal cell is cricket sounds. He checked his phones. It was not the phones. It was VERY loud. "Sounds almost like a tree frog to me with an amplifier..." I said to him as I was looking behind the couch. Anytime we were over near the front window, the croaking would stop. When I had seen how hairy and dirty and gross it was behind the couch, I decided I had to sweep back there. Ugh. So much PET HAIR! Rocko the cat will sleep back there and where ever Rocko goes there is mass amounts of hair left behind. It took me a good half hour to sweep up all the corners back there, crawling around on all fours. I was soaked with sweat when I was done. I did not find a frog or cricket or any living creature back there, unless that ton of hair could have come to life... I cleaned up and sat back down to relax and the croaking started again. This time my husband got involved, getting a flash light and looking all over (where he thought the sound was coming from) and I went and sat on the couch to see if I could pin point the noise. We argued for five minutes on the location of the croaking. The whole time I sat on that couch, the damned thing did not make a peep. But as soon as I went back to my chair.... This whole time we're being terrorized by the croaking, Rocko and Jake did not react. This made me think that maybe it whatever it happened to be was outside. If it was a critter in the house it would seem the animals would at least investigate, right? (To be honest, there could be a stampede of buffalo and several space aliens in the house banging aluminum pans and my pets would just sleep through it...) After two hours of this hide and seek mystery frog game I finally heard where the sound was coming from! It was something echoing in the air conditioner mounted to the side of our living room wall. Hahahaha. I went outside and looked in it from the grates on the side. The air conditioner was full of maple seeds and other things we should probably blow out, but I didn't see a frog. I banged on the side of the air conditioner for a while because as everyone knows, banging on anything fixes it. This seems to have worked. The rest of the evening was frog free. I just found it so funny that a wee tree frog was using that air conditioner as a megaphone into the house. My dear friend Laura is dying of cancer. She was diagnosed last July with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy and then a hysterectomy due to the fact it was hormonal-fed cancer. The treatments she was taking apparently didn't help as it spread to her liver and spine. A month and a half ago her kidneys almost shut down and she had horrid pain near her liver. She spent three weeks in one hospital getting tested and treated and poked and prodded. Her hemoglobin was very low so she got blood and her white blood cell count was way up so she got antibiotics. They finally let her go home two and a half weeks ago. They didn't tell her at that hospital that she was dying. I talked on the phone with her when she got home and she was happily going through all the mail on the kitchen table that had piled up. "Found a 400 dollar check in one of 'em, must have over paid a bill for Tom's surgery!" she laughed. "Glad I looked at this pile!" A small joy - going through old mail and "being home" - and she was loving being there and doing that. She was home only a day or two when they took her up to the other main hospital's emergency room due to blood in her urine. That hospital told her, "Your liver and kidneys are shut down. There is nothing that can be done at this point..." They sent her home with hospice with a week to a month to live. Sigh. She is near passing now... She is young - only 45 years old. Laura is sassy. Laura can be bitchy. Laura is headstrong. This makes Laura LAURA. She would fight for the underdog every time, every situation if she felt they were being wronged. She has a lyrical laugh that makes you feel like you are her best friend. She is smart, too. She could catch on to anything you presented to her as a challenge. Losing her is HARD. I feel so bad for her husband and kids and friends and family. Monday was the last time I saw her. I held her hand and stroked her hair and rubbed her arm and talked with her husband and best friend and mother in law and we laughed over things in the past and lamented the present. I watched her in a deep dream and her labored breathing. Her facial expressions were so LAURA - the raised eyebrows, the smirk on her mouth. I told them I did not think I could come up again because I am was not strong enough. I cried. When I went to leave I kissed her forehead and Laura woke up enough to recognize me and I said, "Well Hello There, I love you!" and she said she loved me back, and drifted back off to sleep mumbling about something but I couldn't understand. I hope she is free of pain soon. I hope she can flit around the universe and share her energy with all of us and all those that have gone before her. I hope she haunts the hell out of me, I really do. I love that damned woman. I have tried very hard to tell people I adore how I feel, and I have told Laura many time over the years how I loved her. It is all we can do - tell the people we love in our lives how we feel. Forgive stupid stuff - applaud the good. Carry on..... June 20, 2018 - I turned in a vacation slip to my boss yesterday for approval, and he said, "Sure, you can have vacation in the past!" I had put down the date of 2016. Duh. Laura passed on the 10th. Freed from her ailing body. I posted this on her memorial page: "To my Dear Laura, The day after your failing body freed your soul, you could have heard a pin drop at work. The air was heavy and it was so quiet. (I’ve been there over 36 years and have NEVER heard the place so darned quiet.) We were all in shock. (We still are…) They flew the flags at half-mast for you… Do you see how many lives you touched, my love? Pretty impressive. You were stubborn, sassy, independent, and straight to the point. You fought for the underdog. There were times over the last 16 years had I not had you to vent to I suppose I would have gone quite insane (or more so…) I will miss your pixie laugh, your knowing eyes, and your compassion. I will miss our talks and our frivolity and inappropriate loud outbursts in the hallways and our ability to solve world problems together. I will miss YOU. There is such a huge void in my heart. I told you many times over the years exactly how I felt about you and it still doesn’t seem like it was enough to let you know the impact you have had on my heart. To all of Laura’s family and extended families and friends I offer up my most sincere sympathies. Thank you all for being there for “our Laura” … I cannot take away your feeling of loss because I’m dealing with my own but I do thank you all for sharing her with the world. It was an honor. She was a gift I will never take for granted." It has been hard at work, let me tell you. Yesterday was the hardest. She was my go to girl to complain about 'stupid' stuff - and boy, howdy - we've had some stupid stuff lately. I almost felt like I wanted to hit things and say, BRING HER BACK!! I felt like falling to the floor to cry and kick and scream. Right after they let me know she was gone on the 10th, a fly started to harass me in the house. I said to the fly, "If you are the first reincarnation of Laura you could have at least chosen a butterfly." I did not kill that fly. Instead I just referred to it as 'Laura' all day as it followed me around and told my husband he couldn't kill it. That was until (after a few days) "Laura" invited friends and there were many 'Laura' flies in the house. I've decided to finally free them all to go on to step two as a rabbit... I was very hot the last few days but last night it cooled off and we got rain. It was nice to turn off the air conditioner. The rain is cold and it feels good. (Jake the Dog disagrees.) We couldn't mow this weekend due to the heat and now the yard looks like a wild prairie and are nearly needing bailing. The clover is blooming. We really need to mow. Maybe tonight. Mowing is good therapy. Anything I can do that allows me to get dirty outside makes me a happy girl. Monday night I went out to water my flowers in the evening heat and decided to get down on all fours and weed a flower bed. I was filthy when done. It was ever so much fun. I have been enjoying the heck out of my yard lately. The purple martins are on bug patrol in the morning and their aerobatics are stunning. (It is like watching the Thunderbirds or Blue Angels.) The bats are on bug patrol at night. The hummingbirds have been playing nice at the feeder. The dragon flies are out at mid-day in droves. The turkeys are plentiful in the field across the road as well as tons of deer and fawns and sandhill crane parents with babies and geese and squirrels and rabbits and ... the list goes on. I love where I live. Speaking of nature - now the 'dark side' of it - I've been on a personal crusade to kill all box elder bugs. I've been at it for weeks. Simple soapy water does the trick. I survey the premise in the morning, at lunch, and in the evening. There were so many. Now it is down to a dull roar. The babies have been hatching and I find them in bunches on the sheds and house and still find the occasional mating pair of adults. I've said it before and every time I go on a 'kill all bugs' rampage, "If God is a box elder bug, I am so screwed...." I was a big girl and got a filling last night after work. Yes, I took my anti-spaz pill. Yes, I almost freaked out when I couldn't close my mouth. BUT I WENT AND GOT IT DONE AND NO ONE WAS HURT. This is key. I get a toy from the toy cabinet when I'm good. Last night I got a plastic tyrannosaurus rex. My daughter had car trouble and broke down on the highway near Chicago. (That would be a terrible thing! Have you tried to drive near Chicago on ANY highway? It is just AWFUL!!) She texted me to tell me she had her 'first towing experience.' I don't care how old your kids are, your heart breaks when they have 'adult' problems. I can't fix this for them - they have to, but man, I wish I could swoop in and fix all things for all my kids. That feeling probably NEVER goes away, does it? Ugh. Well, best get my buttocks into gear - go forth and conquer y'all. June 28, 2018 - I decided to take a sip of coffee directly into my lungs this morning. Please don't try this at home. Good Lord. I managed not to kill myself but the event triggered massive amounts of snot from orifices I didn't even know I had. Please people - sip responsibly. We mowed last night to get it out of the way before the 'heat wave' that is due here tomorrow. It has rained so much that the yard (um, crab grass and weeds, that is) is just going gangbusters. We'll see how the heat effects the grass. Maybe we won't have to mow for a whole WEEK this time!! The air conditioner megaphone frog still visits us on a daily basis. Sometimes he moves and you can tell he's either under it or near it, but not in it. Sometimes he's on the side of the house crooning to us through the front door. I have looked for that thing a million times and cannot find it anywhere. I've take the flash light out after dark and looked in every nook and cranny. I've felt in every crevice there is out there in search of something that feels frog like. Yesterday when I was push mowing, I saw a small frog/toad peeking at me from the hole in the shed where the hose comes out. I wondered if it was my little friend. This wee frog sat in the hole and looked at me and I swear I could hear him saying, 'GET OFF MY LAWN!' Besides having a compulsion to kill box elder bugs, I pretty much leave nature alone. I mean, she was here first... I also spotted my first garter snake in my front flower bed. I know they do good, so I won't cut him in half UNLESS HE RUNS OUT IN FRONT OF ME WHEN I AM MOWING. Rocko the Cat is not very good at mouse control, but the snake will take care of that issue. (As long as 'snake' stays singular and not plural...) When he saw me coming he curled up under the flowers in the bed. "You don't see me..." I pretended not to see him since I an hoping he eats the megaphone frog.... July 10, 2018 - I am on vacation his week. I plan on accomplishing so much I will end up in a world book of records or accomplish absolutely nothing at all - I've not yet decided yet which way I'll go. I just stared over at my neighbor's yard for 10 minutes trying to figure out what kind of bird was in his yard (almost looked like a pheasant) until I realized it was his sprinkler for his grass. Duh. This is why Sandy cannot have nice things. Yesterday I did kick butt and take names. I washed all the downstairs windows and did the bedding and I de-rusted a washer full of things. (Our water is SO RUSTY here and some things tend to collect said rust and become a lovely shade of ick after a while. My orange pants are now beige again!) I sort out two of my husband's "let's just throw it in here because I'm too lazy to put it away" bins he has in the bedroom. OMG! That took the longest. So MUCH stuff! I also fixed his indoor tool box that was not closing properly. I made beef and noodles for supper. I trimmed the willow tree. I was super woman yesterday. Today I know I will get my roots touched up, so I will have hair time. This is always a good thing for Sandy. So far that is all that is on the books for today...  The
weekend was a blast. On the 6th, the kids came in from
Chicago and we met the boys up at a local brewery
place and saw "Here Come the Mummies" in concert. This
is the second year we've done this here as a family.
Hopefully it is a tradition. That band is SO GOOD. The
band was definitely into the show since it was
flawless and fantastic. I have not consumed beer in a
while, so needless to say I was full of the joy of
Oberon. The crowd was a good crowd. It was a super fun
night. Since I tend to wander around and be social
because there are so many fascinating people to talk
to at a place like that, the the kids finally formed a
'Freak Circle' around me to try to corral me. I still
escaped, not knowing I was on lock down. Our
neighbor's went to the concert too and I had to escape
the Freak Circle to go see them! It was just a fun
night all around. (I still laugh at the thought that
they were trying to corral me so they could keep tabs
on me.)Saturday however was MY FEET HURT SO MUCH day. (Plus, for me, there was OMG I DRANK SO MUCH OBERON as well.) My husband and I are not used to standing/dancing for several hours straight. We were walking with a hitch in our get-alongs on Saturday. It was worth it, though. The kids all went to a movie and I started making BBQ chicken and mac and cheese and stuff for dinner. After supper we went to burn the collection of crap in the burn pit and our neighbors came over and the burn lasted approximately six minutes. Hahahaha. That was a bust. All we had to burn was in that pile, so there was nothing more to add to it once the big initial "someone call 911" inferno into was over. Still, it was fun to sit outside and yak at each other and just be with my family. I pooped out some good kids and I have some awesome neighbors. My husband brought me a bundle of gladiolus last night! I think it is kind of early, but when I look at my old diary postings, I guess it isn't! Hey, Glads! I'll take 'em. I love them a lot. July 12, 2018 - This has been a relaxing vacation so far in an odd sort of way. I have not watched T.V. during the day nor have I played music. It has been nice and quiet. I have enjoyed my yard and the wildlife in it and was going to mow today, but there has been no rain and if I mow it will just accelerate the dying of the grass. So I am dealing with a bit of tall grass but at least it is green. So for fun and excitement this morning I am descaling my Keurig. I'm a wild woman - hold me back. Yesterday I went to get something out of the fridge and noticed the top shelf had debris on it, so I pulled out that shelf worth of stuff to clean that shelf which led to seeing all the dirt on the second row of shelves and ... well, to make a long story short - I cleaned the fridge yesterday. That was not on the books. It was just impromptu fun. Ugh. It is amazing how dirty a fridge can get. I was not proud of how gross the bottom of the thing was under the pull out drawers. I know I clean it once a year and feel this way every time but MAN - I am amazed each time I do clean it. Anything alive on this Earth leaves a pile of dirt behind it. Last night Rocko had his yearly visit to get his rabies and feline leukemia shots. He does not like the vet but is actually very good at the vet. I assume he knows if he fights it - it will take longer. He was a good boy. The vet told me his teeth were bad and I finally confessed to the vet that I was not willing to pay nigh on 1000 dollars for Rocko's teeth cleaning a pulling of bad teeth. I keep Rocko up to date on shots and spend millions of dollars on his fancy cat food, plus I let him live in general - and that was as far as I was willing to go. I mentioned to the vet he could look through our records at all the critters we've had and he would see I'm a good pet Mom and have spent lots of money on MY cats that were loving and adorable and would love on me and butt me in the head and sleep on my chest. Rocko is adorable but he is not social with us and only pretends to like us when his dish is empty. On occasion he is almost borderline lovable... like when he sleeps at my feet at night, then will turn around and be a supreme turd head. He likes my husband more than me and will sit with him on the arm of his chair so my husband will reach up and pet him from time to time. Rocko will not sit with me but he does come to me when scared or when he feels I need to defend him from Jake the Dog. I'm his step Mom - I'm only worth something because I have opposable thumbs... The vet said he understood and said I shouldn't feel guilty. I don't. Anyway, Rocko is an indoor/outdoor former city kitty now. He likes to chase the ground squirrel up the back maple tree and then he will stay at the base of the tree waiting for the squirrel to come back down for hours. (What Rocko doesn't know is that the wee squirrel jumped to the willow and then to the walnut and is half a mile away from Rocko's intimidating cat stare.) This morning, however, was the morning he needed me to protect him. I noticed out the back kitchen window that there were three sandhill cranes walking up through the back yard and were getting quite close to where Rocko was now snoozing. They finally saw him and started their loud sandhill crane squawking and hopping around and I discovered Rocko can move almost as fast as the speed of light! Hahahahaha. I went out to get him and he hid behind my legs and acted all cocky as if to say, "My Mom is here - come at me now, bro!" Earlier when I let Jake out he saw Rocko by the tree and started barking with the hair on his back raised. "That's the our cat, you idiot!" I said in a soothing,loving voice. He wouldn't leave the dog pen until I walked out of the gate with him. Then he cautiously approached Rocko while turning to look at me every other step and once he smelled Rocko he was all tail wagging and kisses. I know Jake has hearing issues, now I am convinced he can't see all that well either. (Doggie cataracts, no doubt. Sigh.) If he loses his sense of smell the poor dog is doomed... On Tuesday I had a hair appointment at 1 p.m. Leading up to that I was cleaning and such and decided to run the cleaning tablet through the dish washer. I forgot I was doing that process and later started a load up the clothes washer. (Our wee house is just like the Oliver and Lisa's house on Green Acres. You can't to a load of wash at the same time you are doing the dish washer because things will explode and you will blow a fuse.) I blew a fuse. I got out a new fuse and looked at the 'fuse map' we keep near the fuse box and figured out which one I exploded and changed it. Some things came back on, but not the dish washer nor the clothes washer. I had to get ready and take a shower so I called my husband to let him know the situation in case he got home before me. Then the whole house lost power. Thud. It was eerily quiet with the fan not running. I KNEW that I DIDN'T DO THAT but it is not below me to blow out the whole neighborhood I guess. I stood there a minute laughing to myself when I heard a sub station alarm going off about a half mile away, so then I knew it wasn't just ME. I took a sink bath and headed out. I got the first alert from our power company (about there being an outage in our area) when I got to the hair salon. I sat in the chair getting my roots done, thinking that it was so coincidental that I blew a fuse then the whole neighborhood went dead. This kept me amused for over an hour. Then I got the second alert on my phone stating that the power wouldn't be back up until five p.m. due to 'a tree out of line' and that statement kept me entertained the rest of my hair appointment. A tree out of line? Did it go crazy, grab one of its big branches and start beating the power line poles and nearby trees? Did they have to subdue it with tear gas and bean bag bullets? I just folded a load of clothes and started another load of wash. (No, the dishwasher is not running...) I watered my flowers this morning as well. All this week I was thinking 'how do I do all this stuff while working, too?' and 'how did I do all this stuff when working AND raising kids?' Ugh. Sometimes we must not think too hard on any given subject. July 15, 2018 - Back to work tomorrow. I do not want to go back tomorrow. I want to not work anymore. I wish I had managed money better so I was able to retire NOW. I don't think I've ever felt this way. I love what I do, I just don't want to do it anymore. Friday I went up to find someone to play with my hair. I had them wash and dry it. We all know how Sandy loves her hair played with. I left there and said to myself, "That was NOT enough - I need more." I pondered how awful drug addictions could be. I went driving around like a mad woman looking to score another hair salon. I found a lady at a local shop who would wash and dry it for me. She did a FANTASTIC job. Massaged my head and pulled my hair. I was very relaxed after that. I tipped her well. Contented sigh. I went to get in my car to go to the store and my left leg was in a stream of sun. I started laughing loudly. There on my leg were patches with half and inch hair!! I don't think I've made an attempt to shave my legs since winter time. I never SAW hair on my legs. I never FELT hair on my legs. My Mom had no leg hair on her legs so I assumed that I had reached the age where I was not producing it like I used to. Never assume.... Once I saw my leg in the sun light, I moved it around and laughed even louder when I saw other patches. "I think I need to shave..." I announced to a robin that was in the yard near the hair place. I am sure the bird agreed with me. I went to the concert with the kids IN SHORTS. I've been wearing SHORTS a LOT!!! Ugh. I have officially been a hippie girl, apparently. Ugh. I went to the store and got what I needed for potato salad and came home. After I made the salad, I took a nice cool bath and shaved my poor legs. I giggled the whole time. I had to text my daughter and let her know. Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it's not there! Guess I'll go lament my last few hours of freedom. Sigh. July 25, 2018 - If you live in the country 'round these parts, the robins start singing loudly about 5:30 a.m. Good for them. However, if you have your windows open, they are like an alarm clock that you can't smack to put on snooze for ten more minutes... They just keep singing. I did smack my real alarm clock three times this morning and pretended it was a robin. I did NOT want to wake up. I've been back to work ten days since vacation. It has not been horrible. It has not been very relaxing either. It's just work. I like the paycheck. I upped what I put into my 401K as well, to hopefully speed the process along to retirement. (In reality, I will always work until I'm unable to work. I've worked since I was 12 and really don't know of another way. Work is a social outlet and a challenge for the mind if you have the right job. I have the right job.) I think they should switch up the whole 'retirement' process - you are retired from the ages of 18 until 30 and THEN you work until you die. That would probably be perfect since most of your body parts would still be your original ones - still functional and viable plus you could still tie your shoes without peeing yourself and you wouldn't sound like Rice Krispies in the morning. Retirement homes would be in some lovely, warm coastal district near an ocean. When it was almost your 30th Birthday they would give you a 'No Longer Retired' party and you'd move back up north and start working. Yeah - I like that scenario... Last night I went to bed at 9:30. (I have been trying to go to bed a bit earlier so I can unwind and finally fall asleep at least by 11ish. I went to bed at 8:30 the night before.) As I was almost relaxed and my mind was being good and clearing out all the crap collected during the day when there was this VERY LOUD alarm noise. It sounded like a train whistle RIGHT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. It was a horrid klaxon noise that was loud and steady and did I mention LOUD? I lifted my head enough so I could detect which direction it was coming from and then I heard it start intermittently sounding like a horn being operated by a jerk, no doubt driving some form of evil truck hell which meant to do exactly what it was doing - waking up the whole world. During this whole time it sounded like a train would burst through the walls at any moment, Jake and Rocko did not flinch. The loud noise didn't bother them one bit. Rocko was asleep at my feet and Jake was sleeping in between us and THEY DIDN'T MOVE. So much for pet security. It took me forever to get to sleep after that... We mowed last night. I do the push mowing since my husband's mobility is rusty at best. Then I did the front acre on the John Deer while my husband did the back acre on the old Toro or whatever that old thing is. He bought me a new push mower that is self propelled and I like that part about it, but that sucker is so damned HEAVY. I miss my old clunker push mower. (Listen to me complain! I'm sure most women would be thrilled to get new power tools - what is wrong with me? I should shut up and be grateful and just mow, right?) August 3, 2018 - August already. Sigh. When I came home from lunch yesterday there were three sandhill cranes at my bird feeders. This is the first time I saw them this close since summer started. I scared them when I pulled in but they did hang out in the front yard and poke at worms and such. I missed my cranes! This morning they were out in the back yard doing crane stuff and there were three deer out back as well. With the mist of the morning, it was a classic picture of nature. I curse myself for not having a camera installed in my forehead for moments such as those. My morning glories are going nuts. I ran string from the fence to a shepherd's pole and they have populated the strings with gusto. I see that blob of morning glories every morning and it looks like a cartoon monster from Bugs Bunny. This is my rendition: 
Work has been very workey and I am ever so glad to get home at night. Oh, sure - there are chores at home, but I can do them without a bra on! Bras are the dumbest thing ever invented if you ask me (but no one did) and I wish they would make them illegal. Maybe I will write my Congressman... My husband and his brother will be working on a car this weekend in the yard so I think I shall mow. The neighbors have all mowed. We are the only un-mowed yard. (But my, she's a pretty green...) August 11, 2018 - I will blog for a bit while I wait to go out and watch the Perseid Meteor Shower. I am also having a beer. My son bought me a case of Miller Lite last Christmas and I still have 12 left.. I will attempt to put a small dent in that number tonight. They are old and warm though, so I wonder how that will go. I am trying this first one on ice. I went out to pet the neighbor doggies and MAN are the flies vicious!! We will have to put on a lot of bug spray to sit out and watch the sky tonight. I look forward to this August shower. I know most people say, "I've seen falling stars, why keep looking?" Well, because I can, that's why. Because space amazes me to no end. Because I'm a sucker for shiny things and things that glow. Also because the bats are out eating skeeters just for me right now. Lately I've been having an issue (emotionally) of being SO AMAZED at little things. I always have enjoyed the little things - the things most people miss, but lately the emotions I get from these have intensified. I don't know if that indicates I'm losing my mind or dementia is kicking in? Seagulls begging for food at the grocery store thrilled me to death today. Humming bird antics in my dog pen at the feeder keeps my rapt attention. The finches out front, the sandhill cranes, all the birds in the yard just fascinate me. (They have distinct personalities you know...) The squirrels and all the critters around these parts keep me entertained. The neighbor dogs playing like idiots, the colors of the sky and sunsets and sunrises, sounds and smells and feelings have been very overwhelming lately. I feel electrically alive as of late. I guess that is a good thing, but I'll post these symptoms in case they find me exploded somewhere or swinging naked from a trees singing show tunes... Speaking of smells, if you remember I complained about "Stacy" at the grocery store who was was doused in some kind of perfume. I did not know what it was at the time but since then we've noticed a lot of Stacy's out there, soaked to the bone in this heathen sent. It gives me the sneezes. It makes me dry heave. It embeds itself into your nose and stays there for hours. It soaks into your clothes and lasts forever. You couldn't even scrub it off with steel wool soap filled scrubber. Usually it is older women (older than me) that wear it, I've noticed. I finally had the guts to ask a checker at our local grocery store (who was reeking of the Stacy Scent) what perfume she was wearing. "Elizabeth Tayor's White Diamonds!" she announced proudly. She proceeded to explain her husband had bought it for her once Christmas and it was her favorite and she's worn it ever since, even though her husband has passed on. I announced this to my husband proudly that I had figured out the mystery Stacy Scent! "That husband probably died from the smell..." he muttered. I researched reviews on that perfume and found you either love it or hate it. There is no in between. The people that hate it claim the same symptoms I have - headaches, sneezing, and the need to run and dive in to the nearest ditch and roll around on dog poop to get rid of the smell of it. The people who love think it a 'warm' and comforting smell. I would love to know how their olfactory nerves differ from mine. Why does it make me hate it? Do the smells I love make those people sick? This has kept me pondering all week. I may or may not have defiled the new area at work that was recently landscaped. (Besides this printed admission, I would deny it in open court.) They finally put in plants and cool slate rocks and quartz rocks out front. (They had me at rocks - we all know how much I love rocks!) It needed something else, though, in my mind. It was lacking pizzazz and personality. Finally I brought in 12 mini Minion figures I had that I had not used in my fairy gardens this year. At first I glued them to small pieces of wood in threes and placed them at the corners of the rocks. Then one of the people who suspected it was me that did this act of Minion vandalism suggested I mount them on a slate rock and move them around on occasion. This was a great idea. So a few Saturdays ago I went and retrieved my wee minions and 12 flat, slate rocks and came home. I had to use a razor blade on the poor guys to get the off the wood I had super-glued them to and a few of them lost their tiny wee legs during surgery. Then I glued them to the rocks and let them sit over night. Sunday I went back and placed them all over the place. People have been talking about them. I heard someone say that one of our customers that came for a visit was taking pictures of them. They seem to have brought joy to many. I know our CEO MUST know it is ME that did it, but I've heard no bad words from him. My own boss knows I did it because he caught me out there sifting through the rock to pick out cool quartz (and knows me well enough to know how much I love Minions) and I've seen him haul visitors out to see them. He almost seems proud of them. I am glad they've brought joy. But like I said, "I did not do it..." and "you know nothing, do you hear me?" August 16, 2018 - I woke up to the sound of my husband laughing. "What?" I said in my half asleep state. "Nothing, but this would have just been the most perfect thing to Snapchat to the kids..." he said. He said I was snoring and Jake was snoring and the alarm was blaring. "What a site!" he laughed. I do remember smacking the snooze button twice this morning. Apparently snooze alarms are like a virus - you eventually build up immunity against them... We lived through two days of SAP presentation from our Japanese owner's IT department. There were seven there from Japan. I won't go into details, but I will say that those two days are OVER and today is a new day. Ugh. If I had my choice I would sleep now for a whole week and emerge from my sleep cocoon as a lovely butterfly and fly off into the sunset. I did not water my flowers last night because on radar it looked like we were going to get pounded with rain. We did not. I should have watered. I will have to come home tonight and water. If Mother Nature was kind, she would let loose a barrage of rain storms between now and then so I didn't have to water. I know, I'm asking a lot. August 26, 2018 - I haven't blogged much because really, not a lot has happened that warrants blogging. I've also been kind of depressed, but have not been able to put my finger on why or refuse to see WHY, and hence have not admitted to the cause. This is a common human struggle. We all go through depression. It either musters it head as illness or lethargic feelings or fear or ... we all know the drill. I have chosen at this time not to delve deep into the fray as it were to figure out why I am sort of down and out. It will work itself out I am sure, or it will come to me in a flash and I will work to resolve it. The air is heavy today. The humidity has to be 100%. My husband got the air conditioner going just now as he didn't like the feel of the air. I didn't either, to be quite frank. This is the type of weather that makes my hair act up and ramble all over the greater tri-state area. On weather days like this, I don't fight my hair. I let my hair do what it damn well wants to. It just dawned on my one of the reasons I am sad/depressed - Linda just retired on Friday. Linda has been there since 1982. She deserved to retire, mind you - her husband retired about five years ago and has been very patient waiting for Linda to follow suit. It was a lovely retirement celebration. They shut the plant down, cleaned out half of the assembly department to make room for chairs, and it was a fun and emotional presentation. I've been there since high school and we've never done a retirement party like that. See, Linda - we are going to miss you!! Now the list of 'who's been there the longest' is down to Rod (my first supervisor) and Sarah and then me. I don't like that feeling of everyone getting older and leaving/dying/retiring. I suppose we would all like things to stay they way they were forever, huh? I have no plans on retiring. I have to get the company on a new ERP software before that happens. Plus, I can't afford to retire yet. I was late getting in on the whole 401K thing and my stocks have been spotty at best. I guess, work wise, I just feel frantic and out of place. I want it all to end but then again, I can't walk away from a lifetime of loyalty and devotion. Work wise, I'm emotionally drained. Sigh. I have been very lethargic as of late due to my sadness over 'nothing' but one cannot change things when glued to a lazy boy, now can they? No, they cannot. Well, unless you have a very long stick. Then maybe you could poke at a few things. My BFF called Friday night. I miss her. I wish she would move back to Michigan, but that will never happen. She spent so many years in Florida she cannot stand the cold up this way. I dream of the time we are retired and sitting on our shared front porch yelling at neighborhood kids to get off our lawn. A girl can dream. I didn't buy any meat this week when we went grocery shopping since I decided I had to use up all the meat in the freezer. I took a roast out of the freezer this morning and it has been simmering all morning stinking up the house and I plan to make beef and noodles with it soon. That will be our big Sunday meal, and we will forage for snacks the rest of the day. I am grateful my Mom was a wonderful baker and cook. I may not have helped her every time she did meals, but I did learn a lot from her over the years. That has come in very handy. I can make a marvelous meal with practically nothing and people think you are a goddess because you turned something so simple into a pile of delicious. Then they eat it in six seconds and you say to yourself, "Why did I bother?" Catch 22. It has been this way for centuries and generations. August 27, 2018 - I have not heard the cacophony of birds in the morning like normal. Where did they all go? Normally the robins are out there waking up the neighborhood long before the sun comes up. (OK, I lied. I did hear our local pileated woodpecker doing woodpecker type things or by the sounds of it or it could have been a monkey... Either/Or, there was one thing making noise out there.) I started buying generic bird food for the feeders. This type of bird food is mostly corn and it only attracts deer and sandhill cranes. I was tired of spending my retirement money on a better quality bird food just to have the red wing black birds eat it in sixty two seconds. This basic bird food keeps a lot of birds away. Once I'm sure the red winged blackbirds are gone for the season, I will bump the feed back up a level or two. Rocko the Cat let me pet him the other night for 15 minutes! A first. I was getting ready to go to bed and was sitting in the dark in my chair when he jumped up on the arm of the chair. He doesn't do that to me. He will get up with my husband from time to time and allow that human to pet him. He does not allow me that luxury, until the other night. I petted the heck out of him. He would move so I would hit certain spots. He was groovin' on the love. I was also enjoying the relaxing act of petting a cat. Finally he got down and I got up and went to bed. In the morning I found a ton of fur balls all over my desk. Puffs of Rocko Hair was EVERYWHERE. I believe the first words out of my mouth the next morning were HOLY CRAP! I suppose I will get this week in gear and go forth and conquer and such. UGH. August 28, 2018 - I heard some type of chirping sound this morning outside, and I thought that maybe I was too quick to say there were no birds out in the morning anymore. I was wrong, however. It was not a bird, it was BATS. I've never seen bats out so "late" (for them) or so early (for me)! The sun was coming up and all. I'm not sure what I expected bats to do when the sun comes up, but I've never seen them in the air and making sounds at 6:45 a.m. A first time for everything. I didn't even know they made those types of sounds. I don't blame them staying out this 'late' since the mosquitoes are plentiful with the humidity as of late. Hey, eat when the banquet table is full, I always say. Work was OK yesterday. Just blogging a bit about being sad and down helped me work things about in my head. No one will ever read these words, but they are out of my head. It is like cleaning out your closets and getting rid of all those clothes you save because you thought SOMEDAY you may fit in to them again... I noticed new lines on my face yesterday morning. I mean, they are distinct new lines. I stopped in shock at first because those lines I saw were lines you see on OLD PEOPLE! Then I laughed and thought, "Oh, yeah - I'm going to be 58 years old soon - I guess I will have lines and wrinkles and folds like that..." The older I get and the older I DO NOT FEEL I realize 60 is the new 40 and anyone younger than me is obviously stupid. Hahahaha. I am sure the lines on my face are like the rings of a tree - if you count them, you will find out how old I am. We think most of us never contemplate getting to be any certain age. Most of us are happy, well - being. Just 'being' in general should be our main goal and I try to just 'be' and be happy about it, but there are times I remember what it was like not to sneeze and pee myself. Ahhh, those were good times. (I still think the bladder was forgotten on the original design model of a human and God remembered at the last minute and if we were cars our bladders would have been recalled by now...) When I was out a few weeks back trying to see the Perseid meteor shower (but couldn't due to the haze from all the wild fires out West) I was asking my husband all sorts of questions. He was not pleased I had dragged him out at 11:30 p.m. to see something we've seen a million times anyway, and he was in no mood to be philosophical. I am just amazed at the fact that we are rotating at about 1000 miles an hour just sitting in our chairs. I want to discuss this from time to time. Not only do we spin at that high rate, the Earth goes around the sun at like 66,000 miles per hour, and on top of that and we travel around the galaxy at 480,000 miles per hour. It is something we can know mentally as facts, but cannot comprehend. We don't feel like we're moving. Sigh. Once you get outside your back yard, things start getting freaky... September 3, 2018 - September already. Time flies when you're having fun or not paying attention or lose all concept of reality, doesn't it? I have had a long weekend off. I took Friday off and tomorrow off. I've done nothing spectacular with the time off besides laundry and dishes and mopping and such. Hold me back. I forced my husband to go on a ride with me, but he doesn't travel well anymore so it was a short ride. Right now I have a pork loin in the crock pot and will make BBQ pulled pork and corn on the cob for supper. The smell of the pork is driving me crazy - I'm hungry. I plugged in my tart melt thingy with "Welcome Home" scent in it and now it smells like a country kitchen baking apple pies WITH pork. Hahahaha. My sadness has ebbed a bit. I am back on stable ground. How stable is ground, you ask? Well, look at California - ground can be very unstable. Smile. Everyone must go on and forward. Or at least a bit sideways, but one must continue. I shall continue. Left foot, right foot, drink coffee, poop, rinse repeat.... I just got up to make coffee (since I typed the word 'coffee' and suddenlty it sounded like a good idea) and it is pouring outside! I was just out there taking out recycling before I started bogging. Oh, Mother Nature - you are a bipolar one, aren't you? The other day my cousin was telling me about their dinner the other night and it sounded delicious. It was all veggies. Funny how when we are young we couldn't stand certain things and now they are something we crave. When I was young I wouldn't have touched anything with pumpkin in it, now I look forward to fall so I have excuses to make things with pumpkin in them. I never ate lima beans, either (ick) but now I like them once in a while. (I shelled a LOT of lima beans in my my youth and they were fun to shell, but I wouldn't put them in my mouth!) I would gag at the thought of mushrooms, but now I use them in practically EVERYTHING. I think of all the things I would never eaten and now I adore and it makes me smile. Never say never. However, I have never changed my stance on L I V E R. No wonder my liver and I do not get along - I've obviously demonstrated my hate for liver the last 57 years and my own liver has probably picked up on that... Lately the only meat I seem to buy is chicken, now that I ponder it. I make taco meat out of ground chicken and I pan fry thighs once a week and stir fry breast meat and ...chicken chicken chicken. I wonder if I will get sick of that eventually? The pork roast I am slow cooking today was on sale a few months ago so I threw it in the freezer and I made a vow the last two weeks to use up all the meat I had in the freezer so that is the only reason we're having pork today. Otherwise we'd be having BBQ chicken. Plus I put myself on a budget because I am putting more money into my 401K and I've found that there is not the abundant grocery money there once was... I will be the first to admit I tend to go wild at the grocery store. Now I don't buy it unless we need it. This is killin' me!!! Hahahaha. I will be fine, though, because someday I will thank myself when I'm still able to survive (if I ever retire...I am sure I will die first, and I will leave enough money for my husband to survive, although I believe it is only fair that if I go, he goes...) I miss buying stupid stuff at the grocery store, boy howdy, but I am down to one pair of work shoes and one decent pair of work pants! My priorities are all a bit off track... The sun is back out - I must run out to see if I can see a rainbow... Nope, no rainbow. Sun is too high in the sky apparently or I missed it. Although, there is a rainbow somewhere all the time, I'm sure. While I looked for rainbows, Jake at dirt. I guess that is better than the normal search by Jake for rabbit turds... September 6, 2018 - I had a bit of a Toad Rodeo this morning. I went to let Rocko the cat in the back door and he brought a friend. Rocko was ever so casual about the whole ordeal. The look in his eyes said "I brought a friend home - hope you don't mind" and he seemed quite confused as to why I was chasing around a toad trying to get the goober to go back outside. Rocko shrugged his cat shoulders and walked away. I finally got Mr. Toad to go back outside, but mind you IN THE MEAN TIME with the back screen door open, approximately 6,572 mosquitoes came in. Sigh. I then realized it was a plot on the mosquitoes part. No doubt they paid Rocko and the Toad to distract me. Clever of them. I've managed to kill six so far... Jake has a deer friend he barks at every morning. It is the same doe every day, I'm pretty sure. She stands outside by my hosta plants (which are now almost eaten up) and looks at Jake as if to say, "I dare you to come after me!" Jake will bark but he is a lover, not an aggressor. She eventually saunters off and frolics off to the back field. Jake has saved us once again from a terrible presence in the yard. (Where was he when Mr. Toad hopped in, though?) September 18, 2018 - How can a person walk away from their reading glasses for five minutes and come back to find they look like a herd of muddy cats did their own version of River Dance on them!??! This has always perplexed me! Ugh. My husband turned 60 on Saturday. On Friday as he was leaving for work, he said, "Best get the wheelbarrow out, 'cause no doubt there will be a flood of cards for my Birthday!" This gave me an idea. I had been downloading tons of funny 60th Birthday memes from the internet to make him a huge card. (I also have been saving all the water bottle lids he leaves all over the floor. I was going to make him a huge card with all the memes in it and the numbers 60 on the front done in bottle lids.) However, after he said that statement I decided I would paste the many meme pictures I had onto cards and put them in the mailbox after the mail lady went through. I also decided he needed a 60th Birthday Balloon. I ran up at lunch and got that, and took it to our local diner where they would bring it out Saturday morning with his breakfast. I forgot the many cards at work that I had made, so I had to run back to work, grab those, and go home and put them in the mailbox after removing "real" mail. The top card was one I had printed that was a scene of a flood and it said, "You were right! You got a flood of cards!" I did manage to make him the big 60 with the bottle caps on a big piece of cardboard I had from a printer's box at work. My husband does not have a ton of friends per say. I did not throw him a party. The last few days I've been shamed by MY friends about this fact. I would have only been able to invite MY friends and ... well, my husband is not one for direct attention thrown his way, so I didn't do a party. The kids all stopped in on Saturday to visit so that was nice. My daughter was stopping here before heading to Detroit for a Bruno Mars concert. (Her Birthday was Friday.) Her friend Liz was going to meet her here and they would head over to Detroit. While we waited for Liz, we all had a nice visit. My son's dog, Watson, came along when the boys were here and when poor Liz got here and she tried to pet Watson and Watson lunged at her and bruised/bit her nose!! That poor girl! I felt so damned bad! We doctored up her nose best we could and off the girls went... Sigh. I have been checking on the poor girl several times a day since to be sure it is not infected or the like. I offered to take her to the doctor or pay for a visit. She is a trooper, though. Watty has had his shots, so she won't get rabies from him, but OUCH. Just OUCH. Everyone wants to go to a concert with dog wounds across the bridge of their nose. Not. Since it was his Birthday, I did all the weed whacking and push mowing and tractor mowing. He putted around on his truck, putting in a new wiper motor. He seemed content. I even got out the leaf blower and blew leaves out of my flower beds and off of all the shed's roofs. Wow, what power! I was having a hoot. My neighbors were gone of vacation and I was watering their flowers for them, so on Sunday I took my blower over there and blew all the walnut tree leaves out of their front yard area. I had a blast! Of course, it didn't even look like I did a damned thing by the time they got home yesterday, but I had fun. Many walnuts had fallen, too, so it was like a game scooting those things across the road. A car would come by and a tornado of leaves would rise up. I am apparently five years old and had a blast playing with leaves. (Kids, remember this - when I go senile, just give me a leaf blower and some tennis balls and feathers...it should keep me entertained for hours.) When I got home from work last night, the whole south side of the house was polka dotted with stink bugs. Tons of the boogers. I was on a mission after that. My husband dug out the soap wand we had for washing cars and I filled the cup part up with dish soap and blasted many,many stink bugs. THERE ARE SO MANY! Just like with the box elder bugs earlier this summer, I went all Rambo on these guys. I look forward to coming home tonight and doing the same thing. I researched it and there are over 250 varieties of stink bugs in the USA. Oh goody... September 23, 2018 - It has been a lazy morning. One of our cable channels had the Lord of the Rings Trilogy on last night and I ended up staying awake to watch those until two a.m. Amazingly they all ended the same way as the other times I've watched them. The whole while I was thinking to myself, "I'd much rather read the books..." but did I turn off the T.V. and go get the books? No. I did not. Yesterday we went to breakfast (thank you Sue and Ron) and then came home and decided we'd cut up some wood for the upcoming Birthday Weekend Extravaganza. My husband chose a limb from the spiral willow (which is mainly dead) but the limb he chose was not so dead. The chucks of wood he sawed up were HEAVY. He did the sawing, I did the hauling. I am glad I am strong and not so feminine. Then I asked him to cut down a dead limb from the old willow tree outback. That was VERY dead. I am surprised it didn't float the the burn pile on its own. Then we mowed the yard. I took much pleasure in mulching small sticks and walnuts. (All I am doing when I do that is husking the walnuts for the squirrels. This morning I see a bunch of them running around like only squirrels can do, looking to bury their nuts. And this, people, is how we get forests full of walnut trees...) September 24, 2018 - The moon is just stunning this morning. As Jake was out side find a place to poop, I stood and admired it. I will always be thankful for the moon. Not so much for the beauty of it or the romance in it or the many songs about it, but for the mere fact we have a moon in the first place that helped stabilize our planet and make it possible for me to be outside in my penguin nightgown waiting for my dog to poop and lighting his way... I took a nap yesterday which lasted four hours, so I believe I went beyond 'nap' to UBER NAP. I could have slept all day. I find sleep to be a good escape from life. My bladder was kind enough to wake me up eventually, so I decided I had to make something for supper. I made chicken noodle soup. It was very good. After dishes I went and got the "Fellowship of the Ring" book and started reading it - no more watching the movie that I pick apart when watching six million times - comparing it to the book. Now I will just shut up and read the book again... I tend to get into mental ruts over certain topics - where I have to do something over and over until I don't want to do it anymore and apparently I am in such a rut after watching the movies late Saturday night for Lord of the Rings. Reading the books again will fix this rut and I can move on with my life. I knew I had a problem with 'ruts' when several decades ago, at my sister-in-laws Christmas get together I had Velveeta cheese dip for the first time. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I forced my family to eat cheese dip A LOT for several months. I am surprised I didn't kill us all with such high doses of processed cheese (if indeed, Velveeta IS even cheese...I have my doubts). This weekend I finally got through some issues I've had at work for a week so I feel better about the work week today. Maybe I won't dread going in so much today - but ask me at 7:30 a.m. and I might change my mind. October 6, 2018 - This is my technical Birthday Weekend. Birthday Weekends means the Birthday person doesn't have to do their normal chores and the other person does it all. So, I've not fixed a meal or done any dishes or laundry or fed any animal for 24 hours. This pleases me. My husband actually stopped ON HIS OWN and got pizza for supper on Friday night, and a salad, and some of my favorite doughnut holes. Wow. Only took 38 years to get that kind of service! Today he took me to my favorite diner for breakfast before we went grocery shopping. So much damned excitement!! I've been trying very hard to dial back on grocery dollars lately. (Getting practice for my old age when I won't have money for groceries...) This week I did not watch my dollars and spent 317 dollars. However, this included many items I had not bought in forever such as laundry detergent and all sorts of sundry products we needed. I also bought myself a new work shirt. I should have gotten pants. I have two working work pants and one pair of work shoes. I wasn't thinking it through... My cousin emailed late last night and let me know my Uncle Lorin had passed. He was Aunt Jean's husband. He was 96 years old. Poor dude. Hopefully is he pain free and at peace. Life goes so fast, even though it seems to take forever at times.  When we got
home from grocery shopping, Rocko the Cat who is not a
friendly or loving cat, decided to be cute. He is
rarely cute. He has been a pain in our butts since we
inherited from my daughter. He got up and got in a
grocery bag and snoozed a bit. How can one NOT say,
"Awwwww, so cute!" He was just adorable until he
jumped out of said bag when I walked by and slashed my
arm with his claws and drew blood, then ran off...
That is my relationship with Rocko. There have been
times for several seconds where he treats me well and
lets me pet him that have happened over the last few
years, but as I said, the last a split second and then
he's off being, well - ROCKO. Sigh. I am glad I
documented this cute moment as they are so few and far
between...October 15, 2018 - I had today off from work. Yesterday I set down some frozen ground chicken I had because I decided I was going to make ground chicken meat muffins for supper tonight. Easy and delicious. I put the stuffing mix in the bowl with an egg and a cup of water and plopped in the chicken and GAGGED! Oh Lordy! The smell of the chicken about knocked me off my feet! ACK ACK GAG ACK. I surmised the chicken was possibly not good. It was the gagging that clued me in. I dumped the whole lot of it in the garbage and ran the bag to the garbage can. I cleaned anything in the near tri-state area near that mess with steaming hot water and dish soap. I changed my shirt because I was sure I could still smell it... ack, gag. I had to go to the store and get some ground turkey (they didn't have chicken) and a new box of stuffing mix. Sigh. I wish I had put the meat in first so I didn't waste the other stuff. I used to shy away from chicken as a youth because my Mom would defeather dead ones she got from someone from time to time down in the basement. That smell was not ranked in my top ten smells. As I got older, however, that is about all I do want to use for meat in dinners is chicken. I doubt this tragedy will stop me from using chicken, but I will be very cautious with it in the future. Gag... I must have put it in the freezer on the last day it was dated to sell, but in reality it was already too late. Friday I went to my Uncle Lorin's visitation. He sure looked different in the coffin. If I wasn't sure it was him I would not have guess it was him. He was 96 and was not eating much the last two months. Poor guy. I have such fond memories of Aunt Jean and Uncle Lorin's house when I was young. When I finally got home Friday afternoon, I got down to baking for the Birthday Bonfire Bash on Saturday night. I made three loaves of pumpkin bread, a chocolate cake from scratch, spinach dip, meatballs, spaghetti pie to take to my husband's reunion on Saturday, and finished up with a batch of salsa. After six hours on my feet, I called it a night and soaked in a hot bath. The family herding of my husband's side was fun. It is always good to hang with those people. They are all awesome people. Then we came home and later in the evening all the kids were here and neighbors Sue and Ron for the Birthday Bonfire. It was fun. It was so fun in fact that I decided to over drink my Miller Lite. I am not 18 anymore, but my brain convinced me I possibly was 18 after beer #3. Thank goodness my stomach knew better and got rid of the excess. Not a pretty sight, I'm sure, but at least I was only tired on Sunday, and not hungover sick. Humans, go figure. The music was provided by my son-in-law - he played all the songs I demanded (loudly demanded) throughout the night which made me happy and feel even younger... Sunday was spent mostly doing nothing and sleeping...because, after all, I'm not 18, MR. BRAIN!! October 18, 2018 - Ugh. That is my mantra today...ugh ugh. I had a small scratchy throat all last week but blew it off as, well - just a cold. Half the people at work had colds. Then I went to Uncle Lorin's memorial and we had the reunion and the bonfire... Sunday my throat REALLY hurt, but I assumed that was too much frivolity on Saturday night. Monday I felt beaten down and so tired. Tuesday was worse. Yesterday I threw in the towel and went to the doctor. Glad I did. Seem to be sporting a case of strep and the beginning of bronchitis. This is almost a yearly thing for me. I should just put it on the calendar or something. Ugh. Ack. Ugh. My worry is I spread this joy all over people I love. I sure hope I did not get them sick. We were supposed to go grocery shopping but I've thrown together a beef soup thing for supper instead. I don't want to leave the house. I slept all morning and had odd dreams, but the rest was much needed. Now soon I'll down me some soup and sleep again. Viva pots-o-soup! I didn't have chicken, hence the beef. I am not big on red meat anymore but any protein in the storm, however. Jake was happy to sleep with me and Rocko the Cat was thrilled to have some body heat from my feet. I was not alone today in any suffering or sleeping. Flanked at my feet and my left side, my faithful fur balls were there to snore with me. (Rocko can snore amazingly loud for a cat...almost a whistle, which was actually kind of annoying until I fell asleep...) My bad tooth (that the nice dentist man said needed a root canal and we all know how much I hate those) is flaring up now in pain again TOO. When I got my antibiotics, I did have them fill my Klonopin so that I have the pills ready for the time I put my big girl panties on and call the endodontics place to schedule it. At least I did that much. I used to panic prior to dental work. now I do not panic PRIOR to it, just in the chair. What a wimp I am. Here I'm preaching lately to my husband about doing stretches and taking active care of himself for his aches and pains when I cower in a corner from the thought of a root canal. All humans have mental issues. We all do. I don't care if you think you are the most stable horse in the stable (redundancy intended to stress the point). If you are near my age your parents were brought up with God awful thoughts of racism and attitudes against women and the like. They didn't know better, but how many people suffered due to that and still suffer? Sigh. Wow, not sure where all that came from, but I'm back now... Must go stir the soup. I think I'll add some red pepper flakes since spicy foods feel good on a bad throat. I will go gargle again with salt water, too. That cures all as well as soup does. Viva stuff in my kitchen. October 24, 2018 - Ah, Life. There must be more... Monday night was the worst night for me since giving birth or passing a kidney stone or that liver bile duct stone. TOOTH PAIN. The tooth my dentist said needed a root canal has announced in no uncertain terms IT IS TIME. I hate it when body parts get so damned pushy, don't you? I got my normal dentist to prescribe antibiotics and a couple of pain pills to get me by until I can have the dreaded ROOT CANAL. Ugh. I called the endodontist yesterday, but they were not open. I will call this morning when they are open. They make so much from one root canal, I bet they only have to see like 6 people a week to make the budget... Other than dying from the excruciating pain and questioning all of my beliefs due to said pain, all is well. It feels like fall. The moon was SO IMPRESSIVE this morning. Sigh. You can take pictures of that thing in all its glory but you have to see it when it is full and close to the horizon to appreciate that marvelous piece of rock. Contented sigh. October 26, 2018 - My root canal is next Tuesday. I took a vacation day. The amount of anti-freak out pills I will take to get through it will put me down for the day. At least THAT will be over come Wednesday. My appointment to get my upper molar fixed by my normal dentist is the middle of November, but I asked to be put on a waiting list in case someone cancels. I have decided to just DO IT and if they can DO IT sooner, more the better. You know I'm desperate if I WANT to get dental work. Today I go for my yearly physical and I will get beaten with a stick by my doctor for my sugar levels. I love how they post the blood work online for you to review so you know exactly what you will be yelled at about when you go in for your physical. In the old days you had to wait and be surprised. With technology, you can start chastising yourself long before you see the doctor. I had my mammogram yesterday. I see those results on line, too. I have to go back. I have something lurking in my left breast. Sigh. Both sides of my family have had EVERY TYPE OF CANCER KNOWN TO MAN in EVERY POSSIBLE ORIFICE AND INTERNAL ORGAN but not breast cancer. I don't really want to be the one that completes the set as it were. The doctor and I will discuss this today as well since he'll have to refer me back to be checked in a more specific manner. Oh well, I won't complain. I am blessed I have health insurance and I won't pass up an opportunity to have someone play with my boobs. Every woman in the whole world has had to go back for a mammogram recheck at least once in her life. I went for my mammogram in honor of my friend Laura who died this year from breast cancer that spread all over her body. I have not been to a mammogram in two years. In the results they posted on line they mention my breasts are 'mostly fat' and I laughed and said, "Well, Duh!" Most of me is mostly fat. Hahahaha. I am consistent if nothing else. There is a family of black squirrels in the yard. Poor Mom has been busy burying walnuts as any good Mom should (although I'm not quite sure how they can find them in the winter with the snow and all). The three kids who are 'pre-teen' age are doing what youngsters do so well, act like idiots. They are constantly chasing each other up and down trees and honing their tree to tree leaping (sometimes failing miserably) while their parental unit will watch from the high branches and chitter at them from time to time. The other day Mom was burying walnuts in various holes while the kids played chicken on the road. When the kids came back in the yard they went for an Easter egg hunt, digging up the exact walnuts Mom had just planted. Maybe she does it on purpose to test them? All I know is they should make a reality T.V. show on a squirrel family as it would by hysterical. The moon the past week has been so beautiful. The other morning I stood and watched it rise in the East - all reddish and HUGE. A tree was silhouetted in front of my view so it looked like the man on the moon had a finger to his mouth, shushing the Earth. This made me laugh. October 29, 2018 - My boob smashing re-check is on Wednesday. I was happy they got me in so quick. I went an apologized to my boss for all my time off as of late. Once the root canal is done tomorrow and the re-smashing on Wednesday, I don't have another appointment until November 14th when I get my upper back molar fixed at my normal dentist's office. I had my flu shot at my physical appointment on Friday. They said there maybe pain at the shot site. They were not kidding - it woke me up on Saturday night. It felt like I had lost a fight. Hahahaha. I had a good, frank discussion about my blood work with my Doctor on Friday. Decisions were made. I have some work to do on this old body that I have blatantly abused. I love my Doctor and pleaded with him hot to retire. He said, "Well, not YET" but I know it will be soon. I also pleaded that they find a doctor who knows half our town is over 55 and the other half is young ones and we needed a TRUE family doctor. Sigh. Getting a good family doctor is VERY HARD nowadays. They want to go where the money is, and being a hometown family doctor is NOT where the money is. If I could just convince my youngest to go to medical school... I did not carve any pumpkins this year for Halloween. I believe this is the first time in my life I did not... I didn't even get any pumpkins. I did decorate the house however. That will come down on Wednesday night and up will go the turkeys. The year has flown by or so it seems. Friday night my husband did some mowing. The grand Friday night plan was to hook up the leaf picker-upper and he would suck leaves while I used the leaf blower. I did my part, but he just decided to mow over what had fallen so far. Saturday morning you couldn't even tell he had done that - so many leaves had fallen. Next time HE WILL USE THE LEAF PICKER UPPER. I COMMAND IT. My neighbors trimmed up their pine trees that separate their place from the neighbor's place - and it looks very good. I wanted to text them all weekend that "Now I will be able to see you guys sunbathing naked" but I did not do it but thinking of doing it made me laugh. I am amazed at people who can get things like that so perfectly lined up. When I trim things, look out! It will look like I did it with pinking shears. We have had the same insurance company for decades for car and house insurance. We had our insurance rep get us quotes from other places. The first one she came back with was 500 less a year for the same coverage. However, the quote said we had no dog. So I emailed her back to correct this. We have Jake, a german shepherd mix. She called my husband back on Friday to tell him that Progressive will not cover us due to the type of dog we have. NO aggressive dog is allowed - shepherd, pit bull, rottweiler, etc. He called to tell me, "Well, we're gonna have to kill Jake." I laughed. (He did NOT mean it of course.) I guess we wait for Jake to shuffle off this mortal coil before we get new insurance. Jake, who is obviously gay and is the epitome of LOVE and KISSES and gentleness and who wouldn't hurt a flea unless you try to take away a rawhide from the boy. Then the heathen comes out... Progressive should state, "NO RAWHIDES IN USE" and not the breed restrictions. November 2, 2018 - Ahhhhhhhhh, coffee. It is said that a goat herder in Ethiopia discovered the stuff when he noticed how spastic his goats were acting after eating the fruit off a shrub. Of course if you see your animals having their own special frolic from a food source, you may be inclined to try it yourself. BAM - Coffee was born. Thank a goat today, OK? I can't remember when I began to like the stuff... it surely wasn't when I was still at home as a child/teen. All I know is, I WANT MY COFFEE IN THE MORNING!! GET OUT OF THE WAY! I'VE GOT GOAT FEVER!! Well, the re-check on my left breast on Wednesday showed I have something new lurking in there. The doctor said over the last 10 mammograms that I have had it was not there before. (I was hoping for a small gnome or pixie, but it looked more like a wee wisp of a tadpole who I will name Spanky.) I go for a biopsy next Wednesday. The new creature I created is pretty far back so I am wondering how they will stick a needle in there without hitting my lungs or heart or veer horribly off course and end up pithing my brain, but I won't worry about that and leave it up to the professionals. (If they could suck out about 50 pounds of fat as I will suggest that would be great, too.) They told me where to go on line to read about the procedure but frankly I would rather be surprised although I picture it as them tacking my boob to the ceiling and as I hang there they go for the cell sample. The doctor said if the one type of procedure doesn't work then they would so the sonogram procedure. I think I will suggest they do that first because on that one I can be laying down. I joked about coming in drunk and she said, "Well, that probably isn't a bad idea." I will assume she was joking as well. They said it make take up to three hours! THREE HOURS? Possibly less, I'm sure. Then you have to ice your breast for EIGHT HOURS afterwards! "Wear loose fitting clothes as you will go home with a ace bandage supporting an ice pack." Yikes. I put in for a vacation day. I don't feel like icing my boob at work. I made THE BEST GOULASH EVER in my life last night. How, I have no clue. I cook from the heart, meaning if there is something loose on the counter it goes into the pot. I believe my Mom called it 'whammy bammy' cooking. All I know is it was VERY good and I gave myself a mental high five. I managed to do that with chili earlier in the week as well. This has been a good week for Sandy to cook. Yum. Did I mention I survived my root canal? Actually, it was the best root canal I ever had. (Klonopin might have a lot to do with that statement.) I made my husband take a vacation day Tuesday in case he had to drive me home. (Klonopin relaxes you - it is used for panic attacks. Too much Klonopin and you tend to forget you were running naked in the field across the road, but that's another story...) When the doctor walked in, I grabbed his face and said, "OMG, You shaved! You look adorable!" When he did two other root canals for me he had a beard, hence the reaction from me... I told him, "I panic, I hate this, just get in and go as fast as you can and don't leave me here for half hour to work on another patient like others have, OK?" He agreed. The assistant queued up some very relaxing music (I had asked for instrumental Universe Floating Type Music) and that was grand as well. It was less than an hour when I was out of the chair, paying $1300 for the work done. (Ugh on the money, hurrah on the time.) He did a nice clean hole though that molar and it looks like my dentist won't have to put a crown on it, just fill the temporary filling with real filling material! Yay!!! I came home and slept until three p.m. One less thing... My husband is going to dissect the dryer tonight in the living room to fix the rollers that are squeaking as loud as a pack of hungry rats on helium. I look forward to the mess this will create. Hahahaha. It will give me a chance to clean a bunch of places I normally ignore. Maybe there really are rats back there... November 5, 2018 - Yesterday I was going to say how stupid humans are and give the example of us spending the day Saturday picking up leaves, only to turn around on Sunday and see that it didn't even look like we touched the yard, so many new leaves had fallen...but today I thought, "Well, we ARE humans and we want a yard. To keep a yard, you have to pick up leaves. If we did not pick up leaves the last 33 years since we've been here, no doubt the yard would have been lost to the leaf debris feet deep and maybe we're not so stupid after all, since we want to be able to see out the front window and all... November 7, 2018 - I am back from my biopsy. The Deed is Done! Only 2.5 hours - not too bad for having to lie still and not move in the most awkward position known to man. I now have a titanium chip in my breast to mark where the growth is. That is to make it easy if I need surgery, or to see on upcoming mammograms of spots to watch. My boob is bionic! No word on results until 3 - 4 days. My boob is still numb and I feel no pain yet but there is some blood and they said once the local anesthesia wears off IT WILL HURT. PLUS, I have to wear a bra for then next 24 hours (and you know how I hate those!) to keep the ice packs in... The group of girls and the doctor were awesome. I asked that if I needed surgery could they be my 'crew' and the doctor said, "No, I don't do those, but I will tell you who I like the best!" So we wait. I am glad this part is over I asked for a picture of my breast (because in the x-ray view it looks so damned cool - like I have young, perky boobs!) but they said 'No' but let me stare at them on screen. I also have the signature of the doctor who did the needle work on my left breast because they have to mark things to prevent mistakes and all. When she was signing it I said, "Make it say 'to Sandy, my biggest fan." November 8, 2018 - OK, I lied. The biopsy has NOT hurt. There is discomfort and a feeling like a small rodent got inside my breast and rutted around for truffles, but really no PAIN per say. I didn't even notice when the local anesthesia wore off, to be honest. It took me until this morning to realize that it was only appropriate they put in a TITanium marker .... hahahahaha. November 11, 2018 - When I walked in the door on Friday night, the phone was ringing. My husband said, "It's the hospital, should I answer it?" I just may have screamed, "YES, PICK IT UP!!" A nice lady named Robinette said, "Hi, I'm your personal navigator nurse, and we have some results from your biopsy. Can you hold while I get the doctor?" I told her I'd be happy to wait (knowing I had no choice). I looked up at my husband and just shook my head "yes" because I knew if I had to talk to the doctor, it was not good news... The doctor got on the line and after the initial small talk she said they had half the results back. "Should I sit down?" I asked. "Yes, you might want to..." she said. "The biopsy core samples shows that they are cancerous. However, we do not have the marker tests back yet to know exactly what type it is..." I think I said, "Well, whadya gonna do. Spanky probably has to come out, aye?" She said yes. "But he just got that cool new titanium bow tie!" I lamented. "Well, that will come out with Spanky." She said that they had scheduled an appointment with a surgeon. She did not say it was "stage" anything - she just said the cells tested were assholes. She gave me back to Robinette, who assured me she would be my personal helper through my journey. "Do you need some time?" she asked full of concern, "I know this is pretty big news to absorb. I can wait here with you..." I told her I was OK, my husband was with me, and thanked her for being so kind and and positive on the phone. She gave me my appointment time with the surgeon. I asked about that surgeon. "She is the best!" Robinette said. They will be mailing me a package to read and review before the appointment with the surgeon. After I hung up, I hugged my husband and said, "GO GET ME SOME BEER!!!!" He obliged. Friday night I put on the headphones, listened to music, and drank and only cried a little now and then. I let some loved ones know and talked to one of my best friends. He entertained me for several hours with humor and comfort. Needless to say I was tired on Saturday. Smile. Now we go forward from here, aye? What else is there to do. I talked to my best friend tonight and she made me laugh quite hard reminding me of all the times from our mutual past we should have probably died or been killed or at least kidnapped and held for ransom, but we made it though all those times and she assured me we'd make it through this - she made me feel so very good. I believe I will keep up the blog with how this adventure goes. It will be good for me - I will be able to talk things out in print. Thanks for listening. November 13, 2018 - When I talked to my BFF Vickie on Sunday she mentioned that now with marijuana legal in Michigan, I should have no issues getting medical marijuana if I need it for post chemo treatments. I mentioned I was never a fan of pot and both her and my husband said at the same time, "This isn't all about you!" OMG - I laughed so hard. I have made many people cry in the last few days when I explained my circumstances, but I have also found out how much people truly love me. Overwhelming unconditional love. Lordy - I have been blown away by the responses. My boss really amazed me. Normally he tends to shy away from 'private' stuff but in my team meeting, he made it clear that the most important thing is to get me well. He was almost like a white knight on a large steed. My friend Steve got me through that first night after diagnosis with humor and uplifting comments. I know now why my Dear Laura came into my office and cried every day, though. It does hit you from time to time out of the blue. BAM. Damn, I could die. (I have no plans to do so any time soon.) I can live without boobs, after all if for any reasons I have to lose them, the only thing I will miss is the fact I won't have that area to store hankies in or crumbs to eat later or all my missing sticky notes that manage to work their way into my cleavage. I also put my hand into my shirt and rest it on a breast as a calming measure, but I can always get a teddy bear. I think Jake is truly blind and deaf now or has lapsed into extreme stupid. I was out this morning cleaning off my car and scraping the windows, all WITH THE PORCH LIGHT ON, and he circled the car twice before he decided I was not there and went to the back door and started barking. Ugh. Poor Jake. He has been following me around frantically since I've come home from my biopsy, seriously. He stays with me when I'm pooping. He stands and watches me cook. He cries if he can't find me in the house. Poor old dude. Monday was a sad day for me - weeping from time to time - not full out crying. Today, however, I listened to "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" from 'The Life of Brian' by Monty Python all day. Here is a song about people dying, but it is so upbeat and makes you want to dance and sing. If you are a fan of that type of humor you will have to look it up for a listen. I can't stop whistling it!! Smile. November 14, 2018 - I was a big girl and went and got two fillings today! Woot. No one lost a finger. This is always good. I have gotten better at not freaking out during dental work, but if it goes on more than five minutes then I start to panic. Dr. Aaron and Lori were so good to me today - in and out - BAM! Bless their hearts. I took my support beanie baby bear to squeeze. I am so afraid I'm going to have a reflex action and grab the Doctor's lower regions so it's best I squeeze my bear!   I am going
to post a pic here of my cancer fluff (Spanky).
This is my interpretation of him. He is actually
more angel like in the X-Rays, but hey - I only
spent six seconds on this picture. What do you
want for nothing? The bow tie is the titanium chip
marker. I also got my Breast Cancer for Dummies
book today from the hospital. HOLY CRAP! IT'S
HUGE! They marked all the pages I need to review
(so, like every page) with a pink sticky note. If
anyone asks, I do NOT like the color pink. Never
really have, although I've found it looks stunning
on some people. My youngest son has volunteered to
petition for the official color for Breast Cancer
Awareness to be changed to Minion Yellow (but he
said he thinks Lance Armstrong owns that color...)
hahahahahaha Oh, and
one more picture. I took my stuffed chicken to
work. He is now my official Support Chicken. He is
so goofy looking, you can't help but love the
thing. I have found in my 58 years that is is
perfectly fine to have a stuffed animal around to
ease forms of worry or just for the heck of it...
(And if you look real close at support Chicken -
his eyes kind of look like boobs...)November 17, 2018 - I should get my buttocks in gear and start my "homework" for the upcoming visit with the surgeon. They have paperwork to fill out in mass, plus I have to read my book. Some of the questions from the surgeon include, "What did you have for breakfast on September 23, 1965..." and "What was the first brand of underwear you bought when you became overweight..." I swear. I know they want to factor out and factor in all factors related to how they will treat Spanky and I am thankful for their thoroughness. It's just that I'm 58 and doing homework STILL SUCKS. Hahahahaha. This morning it is spitting snow and looks rather festive outside. I have always preferred gloomy, cloudy days as opposed to sunny days. I figured out why the last sunny day - you cannot see all the furniture you have not dusted in decades if it is cloudy out. Today I see no dust anywhere whatsoever. I am glad the work week is over. It was very emotional this week telling my work mates about my status and what I need/expect/hope from them. I didn't mean to make people cry. I just wanted them to know that I might not be around to be my perky self and help from time to time. I love that place. I've been depressed about my place of work and overwhelmed and wanted to walk away more than once in the last 38 years but I don't because I sincerely love that place. My loyalty factor is through the roof even when I am mad at something. I have a lot invested in that place... I adore the people. We have such awesome people. I hope they might stop now and maybe think a little about their place on this Earth and realize life is short and that you have to be happy where you stand. Show more compassion...be a bit more patient...don't swear at someone until you are off the phone...stuff like that. I feel like I'm the Mom and all those people are family and I adore them all. Some make me mad, true. As I age, though, I have had to learn to stop and breath... accept and love (and like I said - wait to swear until I'm off the phone). I was at such a hyper level of spaz emotion that by Friday I was visibly shaking. My boss came down to my office Friday when I was cutting out new labels for my new tapes for my tape drive and saw me shaking and took away the scissors. "Woman, you are going to hurt yourself! Don't take off your own boob!" hahahahahaha I've adopted the Nazareth song, "Hair of the Dog" that I will loop on my computer and dedicate to Spanky. I've also been listening to Monty Python's "Bright Side of Life" which is the perfect song for my situation. One must keep upbeat, after all. I am washing the couch cover that Jake slobbers on constantly. The couch is JAKE'S COUCH. He hates it when people sit there. (It is such a crappy couch to sit on, most people DON'T sit on it...) Jake licks his paws then licks the cover and after a month or so IT SMELLS LIKE DEAD THINGS. In about a half hour it will be hair free and Downy fresh until Jake gets back on and starts the slobbering process all over again. If you come to my house, bring your own chair. We bought a humidifier today. We've started shocking ourselves due to the dry air from the old furnace that sits in our old living room. I am sure arcs of electricity can be seen from the space station coming from our living room. I was getting tired of getting a perm every time I touched something metal or smelling bacon when passing by my husband and tasering each other. Rocko the Cat is happily inhabiting the large box from the humidifier as I type. He has a castle until we get tired of tripping over it... November 18, 2018 - I've come to the conclusion this morning that life would be much easier if we were all just sentient gas clouds. Just sayin'... After doing my homework and reading my cancer book, I cannot say I feel any better about my chances nor did I get any comfort from it...I am sure they have to warn of the worst (by law because someone sued someone years ago and now they have to tell you all the horrible stuff that might happen when in fact most of the time it does not happen). Nonetheless, reading the book brought me no comfort. It kind of knocked me off my week long 'high' and I went to bed at 6:30 p.m. Sigh. I forgot to mention that last week when I talked to all my friends and coworkers, I heard WONDERFUL survival stories. That did give me hope. Everyone said just the right things last week. I was quite amazed. I know people worry about what to say to someone who brings them such news but everyone was just perfect. November 20, 2018 - Considering I have breast cancer, today was a GOOD day! Woot. I cannot believe how happy I am. I met my surgeon today. I adore her! She was VERY thorough and answered all my questions and gave me much hope. I will be honored to have her do my surgery. Look out Spanky, they are comin' to get you...  So
this is the big picture...She listened to my
heart and lungs and then she did a hands on
breast exam. I asked her to show me how how to
detect the likes of Spanky because I did not
feel that little turd head. She checked and
checked my breasts. She couldn't feel it
either. So even with self exam which I am
religious about - I would not have known I had
it. (I have hormone based cancer, but the aggressive cancer marker was NEGATIVE! Yay!!) It was the mammogram I had in honor of my dear friend Laura that saved me. Spanky is more of a nebula/gas cloud of cancer now - not a mass per say. She believes by the looks of the scans that it is not to my lymph system yet. (Good news, but still to be tested.) So when she takes out Spanky, she will also take out an extra "scoop" around that area and have that tested. She will also inject me with dye while I'm under to see the exact lymph nodes to remove for testing as well. I told her if the extra scoop and my lymph nodes show cancer, I just want that damned breast OFF of me and she said that would be fine - and they could do that as soon as the tests were back in a day or two. If I have just a clean lumpectomy, then I will still require four weeks of daily radiation after I heal up from the surgery. That doesn't sound fun, but HEY, I'll take it. I have added a picture of how I will look after four weeks of radiation... If the lymph nodes are cancerous or the surrounding breast tissue after the 'scooping' is over and I get a mastectomy, then it is chemo first, then radiation. I will be nuclear! Next Wednesday I go for them to implant a wee tiny little radio transmitter next to Spanky's titanium bow tie in my nebula cancer gas cloud. This will allow the doctor to see how much breast material she has to take out. Then I switch rooms and get my nodes scanned to see if they can see any sign of transient cancer. Then I wait until surgery on December 10th. It is outpatient surgery - I get to come home the same day barring issues. All in all, it was a better day then I expected. I don't want cancer but if I have to go through this, at least it seems to be beatable. (Is that a word - beatable? Doesn't look right). After radiation, I will have to be on hormone blockers for up to ten years. Sigh. STILL... This old lady isn't complaining yet - but when did that ever stop me? Smile. November 24, 2018 - Apparently I had an irregular EKG after my meeting with the surgeon. The surgery coordinator called me and went through all the dos and don't dos for a week before surgery. She said, "You had an abnormal EKG" and I said, "So, am I dead or will I be soon?" She said, "No, it's abnormal, not deadly!" So I have that going for me. She said it wouldn't stop surgery and they were not calling 911 or anything. I just have an odd heart. Why not - breast cancer, crappy heart. BRING IT ON! I CAN TAKE YOU ALL ON AND BEAT IT ALL!! YOU LOOKIN' AT ME LIVER? WELL GET IN LINE! Sigh. I went and got my prescription for 10 pain pills allotted to me for after surgery. They don't over prescribe opioids anymore due to the epidemic that is humanity. If a human can find anything to abuse, a human will. It is the nature of the beast. Like monkeys at a fermented fruit tree. If the surgeon thinks 10 pain pills will be fine, then I will believe her. I do have a high tolerance for pain. It's the red hair/light skin in me. I think. I guess. I am grasping at straws here. There is that joke in the medical world that fat leprechaun needs more to knock 'em out. This morning I am very content, very loved, and brimming with happiness over being alive and such yet there is a wee void in me that feels 'weird'... I know what would cure it. Now how to I fix it? Sigh. Some things can't be fixed but some voids just need filling. November 26, 2018 - I had a lovely talk with my BFF tonight and she made me laugh so hard I of course was glad I was fully padded. There are times she can get on a roll that just entertains me to no end. She suggested I put out dates of when things get cut or inserted or the like for people want to be in the know, so here goes: November 28 - I get my radio transmitter inserted into Spanky and a thorough sonogram of the lymph capillaries to see if they think those have been subverted by the cancer. December 10 - I go in for the lumpectomy. Should be out of work for about a week. I will update as soon as I can type, of course, because we all know it is all about me....(giggle) I was telling my BFF about how I was concerned about not being able to wear some form of protection during surgery so I didn't wet the surgeons. Of course, you have to stop drinking anything two hours before the arrival time and then the surgery is two hours after that, so I should be pretty well pee free by surgery time. When the surgery center called to go over all the stuff I should do and not do before surgery, I asked her about it. "I tend to pee when I bend...or move...or breath...or blink..." I asked her if there was a form of Depends for fat chicks at the hospital. The nice lady assured me the minute before they wheel me down for surgery I can get up and go pee. "No, you don't understand...I could be found dead in the desert after being lost for two weeks and I'll still pee when they move my body!" She laughed. She assured me I could wear my own underwear and a pee pad into surgery. I felt better. I think my BFF and I will go into the Stylish Depends for women of certain ages that have designs like flowers on them that fade when you need to change them. As she said, "They could be mood underwear!" "Are the flowers still there?" "No, but you're purple..." (As she said, "Until you walk a mile in our Depends, don't judge...") I emailed my family doctor, noting that - go figure - I had breast cancer, and to ask for a small supply of Klonopin for when I was riled up so bad I need assistance to calm down. He wrote back and said he called the script in because he did indeed think I might need a calming aid from time to time, and he also mentioned that when they start radiation to expect tan lines in places I never knew they could exist. This made me laugh. I love my family doctor. I broke out in tears today at work for no good reason. Just, KABOOM. Good Lord. Sigh. I was in the middle of doing this for that person and that for this person and suddenly the tears just came out. I am convinced now that when the terrorist hormone rebel cells that still remain in me heard about the hormone blocker I will have to take for ten years, they just went ballistic. They are rampaging. My libido is out of control and I burst out into tears at the drop of a hat. Hormones can be bastards. Really. Just because you are post-menopausal doesn't mean those sneaky dirt bags aren't lurking around every corner waiting to take you out... November 28, 2018 - It was a good day, all in all. The sonogram showed no enlarged lymph nodes - the doctor said they looked rather normal, so I am hoping like crazy the biopsies come back clean on them after surgery. Then I got my radio transmitter/reflector (called a SAVI) inserted. It is never fun to be contorted out of all human shape and clamped into a machine and having needles shoved in your boob, but it went fast. I told them all that I've not had this much boob action since the days of back seats in the late 70s. I have a picture I took of the screen this time after they got it in and I was going to post it but it might be considered almost porn - (cancer porn?) - but it is such a cool picture. My breast looks like an ocean! You can see the SAVI insert and the titanium bow tie and the full spread of Spanky. I did send the picture to my girlfriends at work because (and maybe I'm biased) it was so pretty. My friend Deb said it was like looking at Earth from the Space Station. And seriously, this is what it looks like in the scans:  I DO have to mark and X over the spot they inserted the SAVI every day after my shower, though. I had to put a sign up in the bathroom that says, "Don't forget to drawn on your boob." That will go over well with any quests until the 10th of December!! hahahahaha. November 29, 2018 - I couldn't sleep last night. I was replaying things in my head. Some were very VERY good things, but another thought that I chanced upon in the wanderings of the brain was a conversation I had with my daughter over the weekend. She brought up a good point - big breasted women tend to put a lot of stock in said big breasts. "They define who you are in some sense." They do. I knew I had a marketable commodity in 6th grade or so when I went from flat to 34C over night. Suddenly there were boys noticing me. Then you come to like/appreciate your own body. You like the feel of them hanging out on your chest. Even at my age, I adore my breasts. They may hang to the floor when my bra is off but they are my "friends" as it were. I shove my hand in my bra when I am deep in thought at work. They are like two stuffed animals that bring comfort. I may chide the Creator about his design effort on bladders - now that mine is only there as a place marker and seldom does what it was put there to do, but when it came to making boobs - Kudos to Him. When I was in shipping/receiving years ago, I'd let truckers look at my cleavage for a quarter. I earned a lot of lunch money that way. I held my crying babies to my chest to comfort them. I have a lot of passion in my breasts (which, thanks to the rampaging hormones this is only amplified lately). The fear of losing a breast or both has to be a devastating thing when it is a central focal point of your whole life. I am sure I won't lose my breast. We caught Spanky early but I am sure that the thought of losing a breast touched me more deeply than maybe I had thought it would? December 2, 2018 - Earthquakes in Alaska and tornadoes in Illinois...I am convinced Earth is trying to shake us humans off like so many parasites. I would get a flea collar if I was Earth - the one that states "Prevents human stupidity and ticks." I showed my boss my Spanky scan (I am ever so proud of how pretty it is, actually - my boob is artwork in my mind) and he asked some questions and finally said, "You scared us all to death over THAT LITTLE THING?!?!?" I know he was trying to downplay the issue and in his own way he was trying to comfort me. My first thought was, "Geez, it's still cancer. They still have to do surgery! I still have to get radiated!! It's still going to hurt! I am still scared!" but I did not. I laughed with him. Yes, it's so small. Yes, I'll probably be back to work the next day...I know he adores me as an employee and human so I did not correct him in anyway. The fact he was trying to show some form of compassion is a treasure to me. There HAS to be a shooting range around here SOMEWHERE or a re-enactment of the Civil War or something. If someone was hunting deer, the amount of shots being fired would liquidate the poor thing. I feel like I'm holed up in a house in the middle of a war zone. I have always want to learn how to shoot a gun, mind you. I do not berate anyone for using a gun for hunting and self defense. So I guess that one cannot improve one's shooting prowess unless one goes through 486 rounds in rapid succession at 7:30 a.m.? Makes total sense. So I suppose I should go mop the kitchen floor since it will be a while before I can mop it again, plus there are tons of sticks down in the yard I need to haul back and I also need to do a poop sweep, because the snow melted and the land mines from Jake are obvious now. I live life on the edge. Don't hold me back. December 4, 2018 - I had to cancel my bi-annual teeth cleaning this month due to the fact it was scheduled on Spanky removal day. The dentist office called today to say I could get in at 3 if I could make it - they had a cancellation. Woot. I took advantage of this offer. I now have my teeth cleaned. (When I was leaving, one of the pretty CSRs was down to talk to me about something and I told her I had to leave to get my teeth cleaned, she said, "Have them whiten your teeth!" She looks stunning with super white teeth, mind you - she is built like a brick house as the song says - so her white teeth just suit her. "Honey, I've had my yellow teeth since 1960 and I'm not about to change them now. Can you see me coming back from surgery with glowing teeth and a floppy boob?" We laughed. My hygienist at the dentist is Dana. I have such a hoot when she does my teeth. I explained to her how my hormones are our of control in a last ditch attempt to take over the world and we had good laughs. (Loud laughs - I'm glad the doctor had the day off!) She gave me a goody bag stuff with many goodies - Spongebob stickers, a SuperSandy key chain, two bracelets, a cool yellow pencil and samples of mouth wash and lozenges that are supposed to help dry mouth that apparently happens during radiation treatments. She also slipped in a little toy ball knocker thingy - and the whole "knocker" concept was genius. Hahahahaha. If I lose a knocker of my own, I will have a replacement set waiting in the wings. Work has been kind of crazy as I try to share what is in my head with everyone. It is scary in my head, making it very hard to share. No one has run off screaming in terror, however, so that is a good thing. My boss said I have two days off for this whole cancer thing, and that's all (and YES, he was being funny) but I sure hope I am back up and running before too long after next Monday. Should be an easy scoop and go, in my mind. All I know is work when I think of it... I have had moments of fear, I won't lie. The emotions have been off the chart at time - terrified, mad, so happy I can actually float. I decided to separate from my body/mind and watch this show from afar. I'll let you all know how it turns out. This morning when I let Jake out to potty I could hear all the leaves in the neighbor's yard making Rice Krispies noises. It was pretty cool. I also thought, "What if it is a herd of insane, rabid animals?" but I was pretty sure it was just the leaves reacting to the temperature rising.  December
5, 2018 - I made chicken meatloaf
last night and that is what I'm eating
for breakfast. Yum. Meatloaf and Turkey
are both two good meat and/or meat
byproducts things to eat the next day for
leftovers. Both are very comforting to
consume. This is the sign that greets me every day in the bathroom. It is not intuitive for a female to grab a Sharpie marker every morning and mark their breasts. (Oh, sure - maybe in college...) I have to remind myself to do this act after showers with this note. I think Monday morning before going in for surgery I will make a smiley face or a target graphic for the Doctor....or maybe write 'THIS SPACE FOR RENT'.... Yeah, that's what I'll do... This week I cannot take vitamins or aspirin or Tylenol or any herbal supplements. There is one herbal supplement I was taking and it DID help me calm down a bit - so all this week so far I feel like I'm on a severe coffee buzz trip. It is helping me lose weight at least. Being this keyed up burns calories...(I would prefer doing that with wild sex, but whadya gonna do? Smile.) December 6, 2018 - Venus was SO BRIGHT THIS MORNING! Kudos to Venus. Just stunning. I forgot to mention my former boss Shawn came over on Thanksgiving Day and brought me a lovely poinsettia plant. (My son works for him now, and the wee one had told him about my situation.) I think he kind of likes me as that was so kind of him to do such an act. Smile. It was an unexpected surprise. (Of course I was in an old rag-like nightgown and my hair looked like I was intentionally sticking my tongue in light sockets, but hey - I'm sure he understood. He DID have to put up with me for many years at work and has probably seen worse...) The plant sits proudly on my kitchen table. Yesterday morning when I was blow drying my hair, Jake was making quite the fuss. I thought it was because he heard Sophie the Dog (who is Jake's love) outside. I just ignored Jake's manic barking. When I went to get in my car, there were boot prints all around it and the snow was off my car. I traced the tracks. Seems my Dear Neighbor Ron had come over and cleaned off my car for me! No wonder Jake was going nuts. Jake just loves Ron. I love Ron. Thank you so much. It started my day off with many huge smiles. My dear friend Linda (who is now retired - that treacherous wench!) came and got me and took me to lunch. It was SUCH A NICE LUNCH! All week long I've been shaking for no good reason, all spazzed and nervous, so she took me somewhere I could get a beer and she talked to me and calmed me right down. We picked a place where no one from work would show up (we thought) and it was such a NICE LUNCH. However, if no one from work ever goes to a place then of course the day you are illegally having a beer at lunch half the plant will show up. The CEO, the Sales Manager, one of our Plant Managers... ugh. As she said, "Just drink your damned beer..." I did.   She brought me
a gift bag full of marvelous things. She
also brought me flowers in a container
I've wanted FOREVER and have gotten many people over the years
but never got one for myself. I have been
a big fan of Smiley Faces since the early
70s. This generosity made me weep, which
made Linda cry, and it felt good to see
her. Just felt good.I went an got my roots colored last night which was supposed to be a relaxing thing for me, but the poor girl had a backlog of people to do and I felt guilty for being there taking up her time. She did an excellent job mind you, but not so relaxing. I will go on the street this weekend with a hair brush in hand and take up a spot on a corner somewhere and look for guys with fetishes about brushing fat women's hair.... December 9, 2018 - It was a day before surgery and all through the house, Sandy was acting like a tiny, scared mouse. Ugh. I have been wishing I could get down the size of my hormones and have a tiny little knife and get in myself and shank all the stupid hormones and cancer cells is a wild rampage. I need to rampage. That would make me feel better. I want to hit things and scream at things. I assume that is a normal feeling. I will update the blog as soon as I'm able after tomorrow. Hopefully it is with good news and the pain pills will be making everything beautiful again. This part of the cancer will be over, and I'll be ready to move on the radioactive stage. All will be well. I must say, however, on Friday night - my work team took me out and we had a damned good time. (Or at least I did.) A local place we've never tried was our target and I wanted to be out the deck that they have covered in tarps for winter. They have a fire pit out there burning and heater lamps. I asked for a table out there and they said it didn't open until six, so I played the cancer card. "I am having cancer surgery Monday, and I want the deck! I want the fire!" They did what they could to get the place heated up and they turned on all the cool Christmas lights they had out there and they even changed the music to be what I wanted. It was quite awesome. I love my team to death. I tried like hell to make 'em laugh. I succeeded. December 11, 2018 - I am home and recovering from surgery. So far so good. Currently, my left breast is bigger than Dolly Parton's and IT IS BLUE. They inserted a needle into my nipple full of radioactive dye WHILE I WATCHED (but I couldn't even feel it to be honest) and that dye followed all paths from that point. I think it looks cool, but I am drinking lots of water to flush that stuff out of me. My urine is blue, when I crap that will be blue. I feel like a super hero with my blue boob. I asked for happy juice prior to surgery because surgery was delayed an hour and I was beginning to get restless, so they gave me a handful of pills and something in my I.V. That helped a ton. They were playing the song I requested, and the last thing I remember was whistling to "Bright Side of Life" with the anesthesiologist. They had issues with my heart rate and my breathing so I delayed the process longer by my antics - until they got a bigger tube down me and my heart rate back in sync. I was extremely loopy when we came home at 6:30 and starving to death. I swear I ate more last night than I did all last week. I've not had to take a pain pill yet although I've used lots of ice packs. I finally had to put a bra on due to "Dolly" because she was hanging so low. (If you come to my house, I will force you to feel how big it is - be prepared.) I just read my updates on our Hospital site. They couldn't find my titanium chip! Either it is still floating somewhere in my body or it fell out during the cancer scooping. I looked up all the drugs they gave me and no wonder I was loopy. It stated that the amount of 'scooping' that was done seemed sufficient and no further tissue had to be removed. My doctor couldn't find one of my lymph nodes she wanted, it was too far back, so she just took two biopsies. Those results won't be back for three days, nor will the other cancer testing for the thin layer they took out next to Spanky. I am not worried. I won't panic this time when the phone rings.... December 12, 2018 - If the surgeons say to take it easy the first day after surgery, you should probably do it. I was so hyped up yesterday. I couldn't sit still. My mind was racing. I paced. I am sure that was all due to the massive combination of drugs I had received Monday for surgery. I also had not pooped, so I took stool softeners to help this process. (I wanted to poop before I took my first pain pills since those things say they cause constipation and I didn't want to go into overdrive on the constipation part.) The stool softeners worked TOO WELL all last night. NO sleep, but much explosive diarrhea. Green diarrhea. They said that would be the case with the blue dye making things that come out of me pretty colors. All night long I was in pain and I pooped a lot. My back ached. My breast ached. My stomach ached. I tried to take a pain pill in between explosions, but I am pretty sure it when straight out the other side. It was a miserable night all the way around. This morning I finally finished crapping my brains out. I was exhausted. I was also freezing. I took two Tylenol, put on mittens, and passed out in my lazy boy. I woke up enough to eat a sandwich and then went back to bed. Tonight I don't ache so much anymore but I'm still tired and like I said, IF THEY SAY TAKE IT EASY, TAKE IT EASY. My left breast is no longer blue (pretty sure I crapped all that dye out of me last night) but it looks like it lost a huge bar fight with several large, strong angry males. Very bruised and battered looking. My arm pit looks the same way. It ain't pretty. I was able to take a shower tonight which felt divine. I left the hot water running on my sore back for a long time. I can't soak in a hot bathtub until the surgeon see's me for a recheck on 12/24/18 and that is all I want to do - soak in very hot water. That is my comfort thing. Soaking in a hot tub cures all ills. I can't wait until I can do that. I wait for the call about the biopsies. At this point I don't even care what they say. Maybe I need to just get more sleep.... December 13, 2018 - I've decided to name my left breast Delilah since she is the topic of conversation lately. I need a suggestion for my right breast (name wise) now. She is feeling left out and unappreciated. Delilah is still huge and full of liquid. I've gained four pounds since surgery and I know it is not from food. Has to be Delilah and her fluid intake. The fluid build up in my arm isn't too bad, as they warned about - just in the morning after sleeping at night. Doctor said this whole liquid gathering would be an issue. I am not sure how I'm going to get Delilah in a bra tomorrow when I pop in to work for our yearly salaried employee Christmas meeting. It will be interesting to say the least. Still, I will give it a go. I need to step out of the house for a bit anyway. Something came out of my husband's mouth this morning related to his place of employment that made me spin around in my chair and send death eyes at the boy. I do NOT believe in the saying, "It is not my job" - I hate that when people say that. I hate when people claim that they won't do something just because some other person should do it. This has always pissed me off and this morning it struck the one last nerves I am in ownership of... "Oh, so you're 5 years old now? Good. I've always wanted to be with a younger man..." I told him. If you are part of a team - act like it. If one team member is not doing their job, help them - own up to something - assist. Good Lord. I don't think I even said goodbye to him after that... The stool softeners are still apparently working or my body is still shedding the drugs and anesthesia from Monday. Pooping has never been a problem for me, so what made me think I needed a stupid stool softener? I can look at a cup of coffee and crap my brains out. Good Lord. Years ago we adopted an abandoned baby bird and when that wee baby bird would poop he'd fly across his cardboard enclosure and I'm pretty sure right now I could beat that little critter... I have not even attempted to take the pain pills (I did take two on the first night) they issued. They didn't even touch the pain. Tylenol works better. And really, the only pain I do have is my back and diaphragm area where they must have had to drill through my lungs and severed the diaphragm to get me to breath correctly during surgery. Today it is better, though. That hot shower last night was a God Send. Today I am thankful for hot water. If you had a hot shower today, you best be thanking the powers that Be. December 14, 2018 - My boss called to check on my last night and when I told him I had named my bum boob 'Delilaha' he said that was stupid, the right boob should be Delilah and the left should be DOLLY. "What drugs are you on that you missed that obvious fact?" Hahahaha. So I have renamed them appropriately. Dolly looks like she's been dragged five miles on a dirt road covered in shards of glass by rabid weasels. It ain't pretty. I wasn't going for pretty. I was going for NO CANCER. I thought they told me I'd have my lymph results yesterday, but my SIL Carol called last night and said the Doc said I probably wouldn't get results until Friday or Monday. Ugh. Today is Friday. Cross yer fingers. I'm tired of waiting but then again I don't want to know, either. (If it's bad...) My poor BFF lives in North Carolina and they had all that snow and then ice to add insult to injury, and she just got dug out enough to get on the roads again. Here, we have rain and fog...I want her to move back here. I have always wanted her here. I'm sure she's wanted me there. Anywhere you are with people who love you is home, though. Maybe someday we can meet in the middle. I was hungry for 'junk' food last night so I ordered pizza and a salad. The pizza we divine. The driver forgot the salad and I insisted he go back and get it. He did. However, I didn't want it anymore due to the fact I ate two big pieces of pizza. Catch 22 of sorts. Now at least I have salad for today, huh? December 15, 2018 - I got out of the house yesterday. IT FELT GOOD. I showered and shoved Dolly into a bra. OUCH. When I looked down at my chest after getting the bra on, I almost took a picture. Lopsided is not a strong enough word. Hahahahaha. I went into work for our yearly salaried employee Christmas herding. It was good to see peeps and hug peeps. After I left there, I went and got my hair played with. As you well know, I'm a hair whore. I am the first to admit it. Having my hair played with is better than mental therapy sessions. I tipped the girls well. When I got home I couldn't get my bra off fast enough. Seems the side part lines up perfectly with my incision under my arm. Ain't nobody got time for that. I grabbed my ice bags and just took it easy the rest of the day. My surgeon called yesterday afternoon. She asked if this was a good time to talk about the results of the additional testing. I assured her even if I was downhill skiing, THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME. I asked her if I needed to sit down. She said "Nope!" My lymph nodes tests were negative. My additional cells scooping was negative. Now my cancer mass and biopsies are on their way to California for DNA testing. (Lucky blobs - they will travel more than I have this year. They get to spend Christmas in California. Gosh, hope they wear sunscreen SO THEY DON'T GET CANCER!! *got that one from Vickie!*) The doctor said if the DNA testing shows this is going to be a regular thing - me getting cancer and all - they will do chemo first. I am not going to argue. I have friends that just finished their 12 weeks of chemo or are in the middle of it, so I will buck up and take it like a GIRL if that is the case. I am happy I shared with the general public about this all. So many people are going through it - went through it. I have heard so many marvelous survivor stories that it is an inspiration. I have hope and I don't feel so scared any more... I do NOT look forward to the rigging of a device they are going to have to 'rig' for radiation, however. I have heard horror stories about that. I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it. :) December 16, 2018 - Today was the first GOOD GOOD day in a while. I felt good. Dolly is healing nicely, starting to itch and turning a lovely shade of yellow (like a healing bruise will do) and I just felt pretty good, considering. My husband went up to see him Mom in the hospital so I got showered and ran in to work to print off some documentation for a project I can work on at home here. When I got home, I started a load of laundry and did the dishes. When he got home from his visit, I dragged him along to see where the local Cancer Center was at so I will be prepared for next week. It is actually quite easy to get to if I choose a time that is during non-peak traffic hours. I felt so much better seeing where it was at location wise - but I must say all the way there I hardly breathed!! Why was I so nervous when I wasn't even seeing a doctor!!??? Cripes. I also talked to my Aunt Trudy today. I had not talked to her since my surgery so I filled her in and we had a nice long conversation. Now that I have that stuff from work, I can casually work on my project at my own pace in the quiet of my own home in my cardinal pajamas. That will entertain me. I see the surgeon on 12/24 in the morning, hopefully getting cleared to go back to work, but the day after Christmas I have to see the Cancer Center team. I feel like I will never get back to the office! I live to work, mind you. This has been extremely HARD on this old woman!! December 17, 2018 - My Mother in Law fell on Saturday morning and has been in the hospital. Seemed she was doing OK, but late yesterday she ended up having a seizure from the injury to her head. They had to sedate her to get her out of the seizure. The kids all went back up last night because they were not sure what was going to happen. We got word this morning that Mom was starting to wake up on her own a bit. She is very weak. Their one sister was waiting for some lunch to come so she could feed it to Mom... My brother in law came down this afternoon to go up with my husband to see their Mom. If she can comprehend who is there, then that will make her happy to see him. However, he brought his dog. Molly is a 200 pound, five foot high Great Dane. Molly is HUGE. Molly is a horse. He asked if I could watch her since she gets so upset when left up North alone. "Sure, why not? I didn't just have breast surgery or anything..." I muttered. She has not stopped pacing since they left. She wants her 'Dad' and is nervous. Jake has not stopped randomly barking since she's been here, either. He keeps looking at me like, "I NEED AN ADULT!!" There is enough drool in my living room to irrigate the back forty this summer...my nightgown is also soaked. Sigh. After they get back and the dog goes bye bye, I am showering. Poor Molly (aka Slobberella). My back hurt a lot this morning from the chores I did yesterday, which really wasn't much. I used the heating pad on it, and when I shower I will let the hot water soak my beat up old body. I did do a few Christmas cards and walked them out to the mailbox this morning, though. Gotta keep moving. This will be especially true if I need chemo. Gotta keep moving on. I hope the Cancer Center just says I need radiation. (The whole thought of going all Chernobyl and Three Mile Island in the first place doesn't thrill me...but whadya gonna do....) My heart felt like it was pounding extra hard today and it finally dawned on me that I have hardly consumed any water. Now that I've downed two bottles full, I feel better. Duh. Dehydration does not become me. (But according to the interweb, that is what caused my breast cancer in the first place - drinking bottled water from plastic bottles.) If you have a disease or an issue, don't do TOO much internet research. You will scare yourself. In my online research, I have found that the following things cause cancer : Air, Water, Dirt, Radon, Antibiotics, Devil Worshiping Marsupials, Red Dye, Hair Dye, Five Foot High 200 pound slobbering Dogs, That Opossum in the Dog Pen Last Night, Cigarettes, Alcohol, Atomic Bombs, Too Many Vitamins, Too Few Vitamins, Gene Mutation from Radiation (kind of ironic, that one), Obesity, Under Eating, Too Much Sun, Not enough Sun, Unsafe Sex, No Sex, Masturbating with a Nuclear Rod, Walking, Sitting, Breathing, Being Black, Being White, Being Human, Being a Lab Rat, Existing... Sigh. Doomed - we're all doomed... December 18, 2018 - It is 4:15 a.m. I slept on poor Dolly, who woke up with electric sharp needle like pains. I got out of bed and went straight to the freezer for an ice pack. Ah, blessed ice packs. Then in my morning daze I noticed the HUGE orange moon setting behind the trees in the West. So of course I immediately wandered outside with the ice pack with my not quite awake self stood outside in the dog pen watching the spectacular moon set. IT WAS HUGE, and the moon was large as well. (Giggle). I was no doubt a vision of damned adorable in my polka dot nightie and an ice pack clutched to my left boob, staring in awe at the skyline... Man, are my kids going to have their hands full when dementia kicks in - they will have to build a six foot high fence with barbed wire to keep me from wandering off. (Sorry kids!) My Mom in Law was doing better as of yesterday. She is going to work with a physical therapist to get some mobility back. She stated yesterday she wants to come home. That is one plucky 94 year old woman!! Go GMA! I FINALLY finished the paperwork for the Cancer Center. Seriously, they ask about everything. I believe I will scan a copy of this document so I don't have to keep researching answers for future bodily malfunctions. If I had not kept a blog from '98-2014 and again starting in 2015 to present, I would have no clue about half the stuff they demanded to know! Ugh. I know this how they form their opinion on how to treat me - they need history and such - but COME ON. (If you are younger than me and are reading this - it would serve you well to document major medical things throughout your life and your family history of all diseases so when this happens to you when you are older, you are not dazed and confused.) I do have to say I don't have the 'Christmas Spirit' per say this year. I have "Hey, I'm Alive!" spirit which is a much more festive feeling in the inner soul. I have no urge to bake cookies. This is the first time in 38 years. That shocks me, but there are six million bakeries in the world trying to make a living and I will be glad to help them. I do kind of miss that feeling you get when you are handling dough and making treats - that is a 'zone' that is very pleasant place to exist until it comes time to do dishes. My family will survive. My work mates will survive. My neighbors will survive... I have survived. :) December 21, 2018 - I woke up in a panic this morning from a dream I was having...I will try to recap it here to get it out of my head. I think it was an epiphany of sorts. Bare with me... What I remember of the dream: I am talking to an attendant at the end of a hallway in a hospital like setting. The person is telling me, "Sorry, that is just the way it is..." and pushes me down the hallway. I turn to him and say, "But I have cancer!" "That's just the way it is - doesn't matter...So what?" he said, rolling his eyes. I am walking in the direction of what I perceive as "out" of the building and am passing doors that fly open and angry people are throwing things at me. Various items that are being tossed at me and then immediately "poof" out of existence are things I have loved over the years but don't exist any more - from perfumes to shampoos that have long ago become extinct. Things I just adored. There were people I love that have passed this life opening doors, too, then would fade from view as I walked by. The last door before I found the exit was a current friend of mine and he was just shaking his head sadly before he closed the door... When I ended up outside it was very windy and I was naked and cold and over the P.A. system came on and said, "That is just way life is, Sandy. - Click." As I stood there in the wind my body started to dissolve and blow away in the wind and the thought that woke me up in a panic was my ultimate acceptance of the whole ordeal and how I was ending up as one of my favorite things - sand, just a grain of sand in the universe... I sat up in bed thinking that the whole cancer thing means nothing. It didn't matter. I didn't matter. Why was I scared because I mean NOTHING. Nothing means anything. It took a while for me to shake it enough to grab my morning boob ice pack and get to the bathroom in time... Sigh. Stupid brains-Stupid humanity-BUT blessed coffee...I am waking up. I think what caused this was the fact I've not eaten sugar in any quantity since October, due to my higher sugar levels at physical time. Yesterday when I was out and about, I bought some cookies to have on hand for the kids tonight when they come over. I ATE FOUR COOKIES YESTERDAY. One does not go from zero to 4 COOKIES. Sigh. I am sure my body was shocked and my brain was offended and decided to put me in my place. December 23, 2018 - The kids came in on Friday night and bought us pizza and we had a hoot. (OK, I had a hoot. I discovered spiced rum...) I am sure the kids were amused with my antics and it was wonderful to have all my chicks in the nest. I do remember laughing A LOT. Saturday was a slow day for me since I was recovering from said spiced rum discovery consumption. Smile. My daughter and I had a 'girl day' and went and got our hair done and we talked and it was a good outing for me. I had a lot on my mind so I employed her powers and an almost PH'd psychologist/behavior analyst. She listen to me go on for quite along while, and she sat quietly listening. Then she proceeded to tell me what she heard and how she 'saw' things and it really DID help. Wow. I've never had her go so awesome professional on me! I was actually quite impressed. Very Very impressed. When we got home the kids went to dinner and I sat down and had a nice coma in my lazy boy with ice on Dolly. My arm incision has been bothering me - feeling very firm and hard and all. I see the surgeon tomorrow morning and will express my concern. Dolly herself is barely even yellow anymore but she is still LARGE and still 'numb' feeling. Once in a great while my nipple will act like her old self but mostly not so far. I would assume many nerves were severed during the was surgery. Again, all my questions will be answered in the morning. Dolly definitely does NOT like to be restrained by a bra. I will have to research how women handle it after they start radiation and get the burns and blisters and such as well. It won't be pretty - but it's better than the alternative. Maybe I will ask the surgeon about proper dress for radioactive boobs tomorrow, or just wait for the Cancer Center team on Wednesday. I CAN GO BACK TO WORK ON THURSDAY!! YAY YAY YAY. Our senior network engineer has the network down this weekend, upgrading and migrating. I pity the boy... so much to get done and so much riding on the outcome. What he is doing this weekend is a BIG DEAL. The sad part - when you are in IT, you can do miracles and find new black holes and parallel universes and discover cures for all diseases, but it means nothing if people can't "do their job" as a result of something we do when we "do our job"... It is most often a thankless job. People have no clue. December 24, 2018 - I am posting an excerpt from my 2002 blog. I thought of this particular night 16 years ago this morning, and went and looked it up. The post below does NOT explain the joy I felt that night - since I had always listened to the Boston Pops on the radio on Sunday while doing Sunday dishes growing up, the Pops held a big piece of my heart. That night seeing the Boston Pops in concert was by far one of the coolest things I've ever done... (And when I state that I 'said out loud' that Santa was coming, that is a lie. I YELLED IT! It echoed in the auditorium.) Needless to say, Sandy was quite pleased with this concert. performance in person!" Either their Christmas concert or their Fourth of July concert, but see them I had to before I shuffle off this mortal coil. The concert was wonderful. SANTA CAME!! I KNEW HE WOULD! Here I am, 42 years old, and when they started to play "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" I said out loud, "Santa is coming!" To be honest, I barely made it to the car afterwards. I held my daughter's arm and she dragged me as I managed to sputter, "I ... sob sob ... sang ... tremble ... along with ... gasp ... the Pops!" I had been holding back sobs of joy the whole concert through. I cried the whole time, mind you, but not loudly and finally gave up trying to wipe my face of tears, opting instead to just put my hanky at in my cleavage to sop up the down pour. I am still in a daze of sorts, and I am still crying from time to time thinking about it. What a pure joy that concert was. The sound! Oh my. December 25, 2018 - It is quiet on the home front at this time. The adult kids are either at in-laws or home recovering from Christmas Eve. I adore my kids. They entertain me. They inspire me. I done good. It was a very fun Christmas. The kids took care of all the snacks for Christmas Eve. My neighbors brought me cookies and treats and lovely gifts. Talk about being blessed!Monday's post-op visit with the sugeron went well. I was concerned about the incision site where she went in for the lymph nodes but she said it was scar tissue and general swelling and  to KEEP
ICING IT. I was also
concerned about the size
of Dolly and she
explained about Oh, my surgeon DID cancel my Cancer Center appointment for 12/26/18 because DNA test results will not be done in time. I am rescheduled for January 10th. So I get longer to heal before I continue treatment. It will be interesting to find out if I'm predisposed to cancer DNA wise, but I would assume the whole human population is predisposed to cancer, there is so much of it out there. The doctor also told me I COULD USE LOTION AGAIN ON MYSELF AND TAKE A HOT BATH! Hurray! I soaked in a hot tub today after the kids left. It felt divine! (Contented sigh...and as my Daughter reminded me - "Dab, don't Drag" over the incisions after the bath. I told her that would be a good song and made her add it to her list of possible hit singles.) December 26, 2018 - Well, now. Sigh. I was so excited to go back to work today. I hauled all the stuff back to work that I had dragged home. I was ready to WORK. However, my lymph node under arm incision was large and sore, so I put one of the ice packs on it before I got settled into work and it BURNED. Literally BURNED for a second. Then it was OK. I went about my business. I noticed a while later the entire left side of my shirt was wet. My first thought was the ice pack had busted open. Nope. It was me. Sigh. The incision was hard and huge when I went to see my surgeon on Monday but she didn't think it needed to be drained. My incision decided she was wrong. It is still draining. I called the surgeon's office and reported it to them. They said this was often common for this to happen. As long as the incision doesn't get 'sore' or inflamed and as long as I don't have a fever I am to let her drain and keep icing it. I came home from work and am working from home as I let Dolly's fluids drain into gauze. Sigh. I wish it would drain and heal and we can move on with this party. December 27, 2018 - Dolly and my armpit are done draining, and I must say IT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER. Yikes. She was packed. It almost feels normal except for the scars and nipple pain and general breast pain from having it scooped out like so much ice cream... The greatest news, however, was when the Surgeon's office called and told me, 'NO CHEMO FOR YOU'! My DNA tests came back "very low" on the scale of my own DNA is creating the cancer. Now they know it is just my evil, rampaging hormones that are responsible. "You WILL have to have hormone blockers for a long time..." the doctor said. I get to keep this mop of hair that God has graced me with so I supposed blocking my hormones will be OK. I worry that without my lusty-ness, I won't be 'me' personality wise. I'll get mean and grumpy and yell at people to get off my lawn and grow a BIGGER BEARD. Being back to work is wonderful. I love that place. Sigh. I love what I do - except for the multiple entries over the years where I posted that I was fed up and wanted to walk away alone in to the dark. Other than those times, I love that place. Hahahaha. December 29, 2018 - I was just in the bathroom cleaning out my left ear with a Q-Tip. I happened to catch the look on my face in the mirror as I was digging in my ear and realized when you hit 'the spot' in your ear with a Q-Tip you get an orgasmic look on your face. Sometimes that isn't pretty but you know you hit the spot. The side of the package for any Q-Tip clearly states you shouldn't stick those things in your ears or put anything in your ear for that matter unless you want to break your ear drum and have your brain fall out, but WE ALL DO IT. Right now there are probably hundreds of workers across the world working in factories making Q-Tips muttering to themselves " I have been reading about hormone therapy after breast cancer if your cancer is inspired to excel because of your hormones. There are several types of hormone therapies I will discuss with the Cancer Center. I think a Yesterday Dolly was in a bra for nine hours and by the time I got my bra off, Dolly was punishing me by sending electric shock pains throughout my breast. Ouch. "Take that!" she said in no uncertain terms. Once I was done for the day I let her free range and iced her. She quieted right down. Give a boob an ice pack and they will love you for life. Today I get to have lunch with a dear friend from elementary school. Her and her husband are up from Ohio. That will be fun. I think that as we get older we SHOULD make an attempt to keep those special people in our lives even closer or at least let them know the impact they had on your life. Always let the people you adore know this is a fact. They may not share in your enthusiasm but I feel it is key for inner peace to let people you love KNOW that you love them. I saw a meme on Facebook that said, "Alexa, take down the Christmas decorations" and this made me laugh. Wouldn't THAT be nice. Putting them up is a joy every year as you remember with fondness the history of the decorations and "oooo" and "ahhhh" over them. Taking them down plain SUCKS. Ugh. I dream of a house where I have enough rooms to have a part of the house set up for each Holiday and just move from one section to the next, never taking anything down. As a grandmother I could yell, "You kids get out of the Halloween room right now! We don't go in there until late September!!" or "Who let the cat in to the Easter room? He pooped in the Easter grass again!!" A girl can dream. December 30, 2018 - Old Dolly and my lymph incision is getting ready to go Krakatoa again...she is filling up with liquid and the incision area under the arm is getting firm and baseball like. Last time she 'blew' was the day after a hot bath, so I am drawing a hot bath right now to help speed the process. Dolly DID feel much better after she drained. This it won't scare me like last time unless it blows my whole boob clean off... My husband decided he was going to drain the hot water heater "...in a quick hour and a half job..." which turned into an all day project. It is back up, hence the hot bath. So much rust came out of that poor thing. The water in this region is just horrid. I have mixed myself a rum and coke and will go soak in the tub with said drink in a bit. I will enjoy the bath and soak Dolly and all will be merry and bright until Dolly re-does the Beatle's classic, "When my incision gently weeps." Tomorrow I WILL take down the Christmas decorations. I will. Even if I'm leaking all over the living room, those heifers are coming down. I bought two newspapers to wrap up the decorations I did put up. I am ready. Lunch with my dear friend Lisa and her husband on Saturday was just grand. I love how you can make a friend that lasts all your born days. My best friend, Vickie, is a person like that, too. She and I are like peas and carrots. We could not speak for six decades and meet up and carry on just like it was yesterday. Those friends you keep near and dear to your heart. I am blessed with many dear, dear friends like... Life, she's good. Dolly, however, is a bitch...  |
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The kids were
here over the weekend. They
got in on Friday but took my
wee one with them to a
concert, so we really didn't
see them very long. On
Saturday we went to
breakfast to our favorite
diner, the my daughter and I
had a "Mommy/Daughter" day
out and she got highlights
in her hair and I had
someone just play with my
hair. I needed my daughter
after feeling so emotional
this week. Saturday night my
boys came over and we
ordered pizza and sat around
and just laughed and laugh.
My kids are quite funny and
it was a fun,fun night. I
laughed so hard and was very
grateful I was wearing a
pad...
Today
I did see a robin!
It is official!
Almost hit it with
my car, but it
still - a robin!
Spring hopes
eternal! (Or
something like
that...) We
went to breakfast
this morning, then
went over to the
hardware so I
could make a copy
of our house key.
They had SOLAR
DASHBOARD DUCKIES!
Seriously - I
squealed with joy!
I did not have my
reading glasses on
when I grabbed one
to buy, and I
swear it said they
were 7.99, but a
DUCK - well, I
would pay ANY
price for a solar
dashboard
duckie!!
When he rang me
up, it came to
3.95 for the duck
and the key.
"Wait, the duck is
7.99!" He said,
"No, the duck is
1.99!" It was a
good morning. We
then went to get
groceries along
with apparently
every other human
in the greater
tri-state area.
Lordy, the place
was packed, but
groceries were had
and we came home
and put it all
away. I almost ran
off the road
several times
whilst admiring my
dancing duck,
though. Don't duck
and drive, kids!
and
'potpourri' and
various other
words... Of course
I am sure they are
just saying,
"There is that
crazy lady that
feeds us! Chit
Chit louder! We're
almost out of
food!" 
I'm a
cheap
date... Even
my husband used
the hot water for
a good soak as his
left side has been
hurting him. We
all should have a
good hot soak from
time to time to
cure what ails us.
(I am sure he
would not admit to
that to anyone
about soaking in
my bath bomb
waters and I am
grateful he
doesn't read this
blog. He claims he
lives with me so
why read about it
again??)
Hahahahaha.