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JANUARY 2016  FEBRUARY 2016  MARCH 2016  APRIL 2016  MAY 2016   JUNE 2016 

January 6, 2016 - Those of you who know me know I'm addicted to "The Simpsons" I have been in love with the writing on that show since the very beginning. This year's writing has been in top form. Most people I talk to about the show say "ehhhhhhhh, it has outlived its worth" but frankly I've been enjoying this year's shows very much. I always record them on Sunday night so I can dedicate quiet time to watch them, and so far this year, I've not been disappointed in the least bit. Long Live the Family Yellow. Maybe I love "Simpsons" so much because in real life, I married a 'Homer' - a very handsome Homer, but a Homer nonetheless. Maybe many women marry a 'Homer' - because of love or lust or the whatever the reason or the ration of Homers to Non Homers. There have been many Simpson's shows that were so close to how I feel inside at times I could swear the team of writers were sitting inside my frontal lobe taking notes...and now that I've said all that, I totally forget the point of my story. D'OH!

I have a nice wax melt going that makes the house smell like Spring. (I am addicted to wax melts. I stopped burning candles a long time ago and now rely on the lovely scent of melted wax to make it seem that I effortlessly keep my house so spic-n-span that it just WAFTS clean. I have blocks of used wax all over my house to spread the smell around after I've used them in wax burners. I figure if the house catches on fire it will go three times faster than a normal house due to those shapes of smelly wax in closets and underwear drawers and in the linen cupboard. Every time I go to the store I smell wax melts containers and I am convinced as I may have said before that the next pandemic that wipes out humans will originate from all those noses leaving all their germs on all those wax / tart thingys until they combine to make a super-bug that eliminates mankind...but I digress...) My house smells like Spring even though winter has finally arrived, temperature wise. Frosty cold in the morning and the wee bit of snow on the ground is crunchy from being so frozen. You cannot pick up poop piles because they are so frozen to the ground they will not move until the next melt. Not so bad for me, but Sophie and Jake seem to have begun tag team pooping on the neighbor's yard between our two houses. I will have to go over there on a warm day when they are gone and do some poop patrolling.

I had a goal to use up all the packages of damned chicken breasts I had in the freezer for months. I was using up that chicken this week if it killed me. I took my Aunt and Uncle homemade chicken noodle soup yesterday at lunch time. They seemed quite quiet and tired and feeling their age. Even the speech being given by Mr. Obama wasn't riling my Uncle who can get riled up by ANY WORD that remotely sounds like or implies anything about the GOVERNMENT. I took out the garbage for them after checking around the kitchen. My sister and I always check for moldy food and such in the fridge and on the counter since my Uncle can't see and my Aunt can't get up and around. I had made chicken noodle soup for us and can only make a pot enough to feed six people, so my Aunt got the overage. I made the soup on Sunday evening. We had it again on Monday night for supper. On Tuesday we had baked pretzel covered chicken nuggets. Today, I fixed the LAST PACK of chicken that was in the freezer and had it in the slow cooker all day to become yummy bbq chicken. That being said, I hope not to see chicken for several days or weeks... I did, though, follow through on the promise to myself and I feel good about that. Cluck. BuckAWWWWW.

My wee one turned 23 yesterday. We will have his birthday dinner and cake this weekend. It amazes me he is that old, but it has no impact on how I feel, age wise. I guess after a while if just feels like your kids were always adults and your old dog is always a puppy and you will mentally feel 18 even though you look in the mirror and see dehydrated sheets of rawhide with eye holes. The brain is a powerful thing that can lull you into thinking anything you think you want to believe...

January 12. 2016 - I have decided that they really need to come up with a facial version of the iRobot Roomba that one can put on one's face whilst asleep or when one is reading or watching T.V. so it can farm all of one's facial hairs in the 'off hours' as it were. Sigh. (Speaking as a hairy woman, mind you.) Even after the laser facial hair treatment, it still comes - and grows  -  and multiplies. I don't care NOW, but I do worry about when I'm too old to see and pluck or too old to be able to at least shave. I will be mistaken for "Mr. Sandy" in the nursing home...

I had my first experience at work where I actually had to ask a person I was instructing "you can't you read cursive writing?" Sigh. Suddenly I'm fall in the 'bi-lingual' catagory! Something to put on a my resume someday? "Yes, I speak English-Print and English-Cursive." When the whole 'cursive' experience happened to me I had to give my parents a mental 'high five' for all the crap they had to put up with MY generation. So it begins...

Rocko the Cat was scooting all over the carpet yesterday morning. I have never seen him 'scoot' to get poop out or off. I picked him up to check the situation out and he must have succeeded in his effort to 'wipe' but I will now have to watch the poor dude. He had oodles of trouble with bowel movements several years ago. He got dehydrated and had to have an I.V. to hydrate back up to speed and have special medicine to assist his poop process. Oh, Rocko, you turd head. I will give him some watered down chicken broth tonight to assist his fluid level.

January 14, 2016 - Hurray - Almost Friday. I will go for a hair coloring this weekend and I am ever so looking forward to that! As I've mentioned before, the gray can wait for as long as I say it can wait. Besides, the girl who does my roots does an excellent job of relaxing me by pulling my hair and taking her time with my hair. We all know how I enjoy the relaxing feeling of someone messing with my hair. My hair misses being touched. This makes me a hair whore because I can't get it for free, I have to pay for my hair enjoyment outside the home. Sigh.

This morning I was taking pictures of Jake and Rocko sleeping so cute-like together on the couch when my husband came in from outside, stomping his feet loudly to rid them of snow. This woke both of the critters up because it scared them and their expression was that of, "What the Hell!?!?" (Jake is so close to Rocko because he is waiting for both of us to leave for work so he can kick the cat off HIS couch and then push off the stinky cat blanket and wallow around like the idiot pig boy that he is.)

I was having an issue last night dealing with self pity. (Yes, Kids - Even at my ripe old age, self pity can rear its ugly head. Why this happens, I'm not sure. The brain is apparently left unattended by the staff up there and it runs amok and eats too much sugar and paints on the walls, etc.) It started when I read a bit of the blog of the wife of one of my best male friends. His wife is very into proper dressing, shopping, makeup and being 'beautiful' and such. I know I was born without that genetic capacity. It is a known fact that I can be no more refined than a bulldozer, nor do I choose to be, so why reading this blog made me think, "What is wrong with ME??" I have no clue. I have done fine being unrefined for 55 years. It took a while to shake off the feeling of being inferior to all females on the planet due to my natural self. Once I figured out my brain was causing me undo grief and the cranium staff got my brain back under control, I was fine. Sigh. You can pretty much guarantee you are your own worst enemy most of the time... 

The Birthday meal last weekend with the boys and my wee one's girlfriend was fun. I made beef and noodles for supper and my wee one's favorite hot fudge cake for dessert. Watson the granddog came for a visit, too. I adore that damned dog. He ripped up the toys I got him faster than you could say, "Hey stop him! He's ripping the toys I got him!!"  My oldest was home after driving his semi last week to Memphis, Tennessee, Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, and other places in Indiana, Illinois, and Ohio. He pretty much has been going out on a Sunday and coming back on Friday night. I hope he ends up loving his choice of job. I am scared to death to have him out there on icy roads in hauling a semi trailer behind him. Sigh. Guess if you want to learn to drive a huge rig in the winter, you start a new job doing so IN THE WINTER? Makes a Mom's guts fall out. Smile.

Can you believe January is half OVER? Neither can I. At least we agree. On that note, I bid thee adieu!

January 15, 2016
- Last night I was sleeping oh-so-well when there came an alarm blasting. It woke both of us up. "What the hell?" I stated loudly as I flew out of bed. I could not think of what that sound could be - I checked the computers in the house to make sure they were not blowing up and I checked my cell phone. "Is it your cell phone?" I asked my husband. He was oh so very sure it was NOT. I should have checked his cell phone. It took me over an hour to go back to sleep as I analyzed (in my head) all the possible causes there could be for such a ruckus. This morning when I really woke up for the day, I went right to his cell and sure enough, there was an amber alert. His work phone is set up to announce (LOUDLY) such alerts. I felt better knowing where the noise came from.

When I left for work yesterday morning, I forgot my laptop. So I worked on another PC that wasn't being used until 9:30. Then we had cake for Sue's, my friend and coworker, 25th anniversary. Yum. After that I ran home to get my work laptop computer. When I was in the parking lot getting ready to go, I swung open my driver's side door and I noticed that on my side of the car there was a bunch of 'nesting' fluff! I have lived in the country long enough to know that was definitely mouse nesting stuff on the floor. (When there is one mouse, there are many mice..). Then I saw there was a hole in my floor mat. Ugh. I drove home thinking, "Please don't run up my leg! Please don't run up my leg!" When I got home I threw out the mat and picked out the carpet remnants used to make nesting material and looked for more evidence. When in the world would Feivel and family have time to find a way into my car and build an condo? I use the car EVERY DAY. Sigh. Was it a work mouse or a home mouse? Are they still in there? HOW DID THEY GET IN THERE? Mind you, it WAS cold and if I was a mouse and I was cold, I would look for a place to hunker down as well, so I can't BLAME them. However, if there is mouse making a house in my car then is there a mouse EATING WIRES IN MY DASHBOARD to survive? Ugh. I will follow up on this tomorrow when I have time to crawl about the car in search on intelligent life...

Speaking of intelligent life or lack thereof, did you hear Pat Robertson said that David Bowie was kidnapped by demons from hell because demons in hell wanted live concerts from David? Good for the hell demons. Rock on, David. Make them all buy T-Shirts. (And may I say, and this is my personal opinion only, that when Pat's calling people drug addicts and such, he should really listen to himself sometimes. I've not heard such rantings like he can come up with except from people doing high volumes of peyote...)

January 20, 2016
- I was in the mood to play with a critter the other night but the critters I possess do not 'play' per say. Rocko no longer plays unless he's ripping skin off of my hand or running at high speeds to shake loose a dingleberry and Jake was always more of a lover, not a dog that fetches or plays. He will 'romp' with Sophie and Lucy and Watson, but his attempts at play are few and far between. Hence, I was longing for my Grand Dogs who both would play until the sun came up. It was just about then when I was thinking longingly of Zora and Watson that Jake jumped off the couch, went to the doggie toy basket and got out a toy with a squeaker and proceeded to rip out the squeaker. He chewed and chewed that thing. I was too shocked to move to get a camera, plus I didn't want to disturb his 'playing' moment. He would not have fetched, mind you, but he did manage to rip the toy in shreds. The point of the story? Animals can read minds.

My Daughter got me a Fitbit for Christmas. A small 'Zip' version. I usually wear it in my bra. I must admit that it does remind me to move more. I used to think about doing something at work that involved moving, then I would keep working. Now I get up and go do it, so the wee device has its benefits. However, my FitBit sent me joyous messages the other morning - amazed by the half marathon I did over night. WooHoo! It was so excited. It gave me a badge and everything. The problem with all that was the fact I was asleep when I supposedly walked 13+ miles from midnight to six a.m. Advice for Fitbit users - don't set it next to something that vibrates, in this case a table top humidifier. My Daughter got my husband a Fitbit as well, but one worn on the wrist. Here all this time I've assumed I ran circles around that boy, movement wise, but he walks over five miles a day with his job. I don't come close at work. So he won the Fitbit race and I have to stop cursing him out for being a big lazy blog in a chair. I now hold that title. Feel free to harass me.

I had so much to blog about but I've run out of time as work keeps interfering with me blogging here at home, so I will log off for now and go work instead. Have a glorious day!

January 21, 2016 - Cripes - the dreams I've been having lately. Really - where does my brain come up with these story lines?? I am going to start keeping a dream journal (off line, mind you, as my dreams tend to gtet a bit steamy from time to time...) I would LOVE to see the relationship between meals and dreams and my day activity and dreams....

I cannot connect to work this a.m., so I will blab here a bit and go in early. I wanted to mention yesterday about another humorous thing about brains. I am sure we all experience it, especially as we age. We have a whole sort of game show sort of thing going on up there, We forget words and our brains give us hints and we shout out possible answers until we hear the DING DING DING go off. I even laugh out loud sometimes at this process of thought.
"I best turn on the ... um... what the hell is it..."
" thingy...."
"'s a .... um...."
"OK! I know, I best turn on the LAMP!"
These type of mental exchanges are over in the matter of seconds, but I still laugh. I will laugh at stuff like this until I honestly cannot remember the words anymore and then whadya gonna do anyway? That's right - You will run naked through fields of daisies! Correct answer.

I was also thinking the other day after I heard the Beatles on the oldies station doing "Twist and Shout" how we just fawned over the Beatles and welcomed their music with open arms at that point in time, even though (now) that song sounds rather simple, but it didn't matter  - we loved the Beatles. Then we kept loving the Beatles though their evolution as a group, rolling along with the new sounds and such. (Yes, I know, not everyone loves them, I'm just talking about the majority of the human race that does..) I guess what I was trying to figure out why some changes and differences that evolve with certain entities we, as humans, just accept blindly and others we revile and revolt against?? (Seriously, in my head, this is a valid question and I understand it, I just am not sure how to express it on paper...)

OK, Now I'll shut up and go to work!

January 26, 2016 - The wind outside sounds fast and furious. Jake the Dog went out long enough to do his business and come back inside. He is not a fan of higher winds and colder temperatures, or mud and rain...

I have a routine of unwinding at night by watching "How the Universe Works" on the T.V. because I tend to fall asleep during those reruns (because Mike Rowe narrates that show and he has the type of voice where he could be narrating the apocalypse and it would still lull me in to a state of peaceful slumber. Like butter, his voice! Plus I've seen each episode six million times so it is more of a pleasant white noise to drift off to sleep to, but I digress...) Last night I was hunkered down ready to relax when I decided to check the news on my smart phone real quick while my show droned in the background. I spent about 40 minutes reading news after that and then I decided I would see if I could watch episodes  of
"How the Universe Works" on my phone (and may I say the graphics were AWESOME) and when I finally realized I had wandered down the path of distraction so far that an hour has flown by, I scolded myself mentally and got up to go to bed. OUCH! Using a cell phone for an hour BROKE MY NECK! How do you people who are on them constantly do it? My neck/head hurt all night and it wasn't until this morning when I finally stretched and hear a POP in my neck that I felt better. Really, y'all - put down the damned phones and stretch. LOOK at stuff with your real eyes, not through the 'eyes' of your phone screen. (...but once again, I will admit, the graphics were AWESOME...)

I have read some major rants on Facebook lately from people and I do so want to comment, but what is the point? When the rants are coming from humans that believe they are entitled or believe the whole world is out to get them, then I cannot sway their thought process. Their mental damage was done years ago and it is up to the individuals to change and/or grow and/or heal and move on... At work we have used social media to help us screen prospective applicants. (Heck, my employers could terminate me for this blog if they wanted to even though we all have a right to say anything we want on social media.) If prospective employers sees you out there blaming everyone in the world for your problems BY NAME except your self, then as an employer I would not hire you since that attitude won't fit and as far as I'm concerned, you are a liability waiting to happen. Oh well, we are all different cuts of cloth - ranging from steel wool to silk - and I can't let their issues bother me anymore more than I already do let their issues bother me. Walk away ... just walk away...

There have been oodles of lovely deer EATING MY BLASTED BIRD SEED OUT FRONT. I do so enjoy seeing them CONSUME ALL MY BIRD SEE OUT OF THE FEEDERS LIKE IT WAS POPCORN AT A MOVIE!! (I sense anger on my part, don't you?). I have not filled up the front feeders since we saw with our own eyes the deer partaking of newly filled feeders, calling up all their deer friends on their deer cell phones and getting a deer sized keg and such. (To be fair, Jake also ate a lot of bird food on the ground from that deer party and came in and barfed it up all over the carpet so I can say at least the deer keep it down...) I know the deer have to eat, too. I also know they are VERY PLUMP AND JUICY looking which to me indicates they are not starving. Sigh. They used to leave the birdseed as a last resort and then I didn't mind so much. I watched several deer last night, silhouetted between my house and the neighbors to the south. The deer were happily munching on sticks and exposed grass and who knows what else a deer will eat. I am waiting for them to jump the fence into the dog pen area where I DO fill up the bird feeders. If they do that, then IT'S PERSONAL....

I miss being outside, I have big plans this spring for a bigger and better fairy garden set up... (Although, really - I will be spending my first four weeks of spring time this year cleaning up all of Jake's turd piles in the neighbor's yards.) We saw wooden crates at Home Depot, and I suddenly had this marvelous idea of taking the fairy gardens UPWARDS! I can do multi-story garden! My husband was muttering things like, "Oh, yay, more crap in the yard!" (He is not a fan of -  well, all the crap I put in the yard...)

February 4, 2016 - My car is 12 years old. I love my old car. It was the first car I purchased ALL BY  MYSELF. There are many things on my old car now that do not work properly. One of those things are the seat belts. They don't automatically zip back into place anymore . It takes the things all night to work their way back to being ready for the next seating, so when you just pop out and get back in, they are loose and floppy. After I got into my car after leaving the grocery store last night after work and as I was driving out of their driveway, my seat belt felt like it was WAY too tight and I thought some of it must be stuck in the door. (I am way too fat so my seat belt was already fighting a losing battle.) I was yanking on the thing seeing if I could pull it out of the door frame by chance without having to stop and open the door when my seat flew back. Hahahaha. It was not stuck in the door, it was stuck around the recliner handle. I explained to my seat belt that there was no reason whatsoever to deploy the 'make out seat' function when there was no one in the car to make out with...

Three days ago when the sun was shining and it was almost spring like, I grabbed a five gallon bucket and went poop picking next door. Jake is constantly squatting in the poor neighbor's yards. Sigh I was having trouble sleeping just knowing a winter's worth of Jake crap was in their yards. I decided that I would end the problem. I would stand up to the evil that was bowel movements and take action. Jake came along to assure that I was doing it correctly and make more. Due to Jake's addiction to bird seed, there were many piles that were obviously HIS. I picked up as much as I could. It was a poop apocalypse. (Now mind you, I thought the neighbors were not home. I hate just having my way with the neighbors when they are not aware of it.) After getting as much as I could, I see Jake take off to mark Ron and Sue's yard as well. Sigh. So I went over there. I knew one of them was home as Sophie had also come over to assist with my search and destroy mission. I knew they wouldn't mind if I de-pooped Jake's piles. I had over half of a five gallon pail full of doody before I was done. (I did get to see Ron and Sue, however, which was a bonus. I miss them during the winter when we're all holed up in our houses.) I was so happy to get that all cleaned up. I know I missed a ton, but I put a dent in the damage. Come to find out, though, that the young neighbor man was HOME and I should have knocked on his door and told him I was on a mission. Duh. I can hear him now... "Hi, Honey - yeah, the old neighbor lady is in the yard again... yes, uh huh. She has a big bucket. She has a pooper scooper and rubber gloves on and she's talking to her dog... Uh huh. I promise I won't call the police unless she starts getting naked or dancing or the like..."

Our power went out two nights ago. BOOM. It was out. I love having a generator but I do hate being so addicted to all things related to electricity, such as the Internet, Computers, Light Bulbs, Refrigerators, and at night, my Fan. I
cannot sleep when it is SO QUIET! I need a fan to sleep. Jake was in a panic that night for some reason. He's almost 11 or so and has seen many power outages in his life, but he was still freaked out last and I'm not sure why. I kept my bat handy by the bed, though, just in case. You never know when you will want to break out in an spontaneous game of softball...

I was a little upset when Ted Cruz gave props to God for him "winning Iowa" (and I'm sure God wasn't that happy either, but by now poor God is used to crap like that), I am sure God has no hand in the stupid political dreams of any human on Earth. Humans on Earth abuse the right to have God in their lives. Sigh. Double Sigh. I am sure after hearing the likes of some of the candidates, God just turns the channel and goes off to create another universe or something...

February 11, 2016 - Yesterday would have been my Mom's 94th Birthday had she not passed away in 1998. I still want to call her all the time. I still have moments where I think, "Yikes, I gotta call Mom!" Those feelings only last a
split second, but they still happen. I imagine I will always feel that way.

My husband gave me my Valentine's Day presents early. As you can tell, we've been together so long, there is no need for surprises or waiting or romance. (The only surprises we will ever have the rest of our lives will be when we fall and break a hip or in the beginning throws of a heart attack...) He got me a glow in the dark wall clock of the Milky Way. Very nice. He mounted it in the living room, but there is just too much light in the living room to appreciate the 'glow in the dark' feature. I want him to move it to the bedroom. I will advise him of this fact this weekend. I do so love the Universe and glow in the dark items!!

He also got me an R2D2 bubble blower. It is 11 inches or so tall. He remembered I adore bubbles. I do. I really enjoy bubbles and balloons and hot air balloons. I would go as far as saying I LOVE those types of things. I am not so big on the Star Wars delivery method, however. I am sure he saw 'BUBBLES' and that was all she wrote. He tried. I have plans on getting those catnip bubbles you can buy from pet stores and loading them up and shooting this thing at Rocko. I will attempt to get action shots this weekend. R2D2 even lights up and beeps at you and turns his head to blast the bubbles.... Actually, I can see this could end up being quite fun. I may take it to work. I wish it had motion detection! I've told my daughter this thing is coming to her wedding reception. (Although she told me NO STINKY CATNIP BUBBLES. Brides - go figure.)

I had a black squirrel out back last Saturday morning that was staring at me through the window while I did dishes. I swear he looked like he had his hands on his hips and was chattering away about the fact I had not refilled the bird feeder LATELY. I clearly was not paying attention to the important things such as supporting the local wild life now was I? That squirrel stared at me until I busted out laughing and stopped doing dishes and whet and threw a dish of seed out to the birds (and obviously HIM). Soon a large group of birdies and several squirrels were all enjoying a meal. Forgive me, angry squirrel. Point taken.

I was sick on Sunday with a fever and was in a daze all day. The highest I remember my fever being was 103 degrees. I drank a lot of water and buried myself in blankets and slept a lot. I felt so cold I ended up putting on ear muffs and gloves in the house. I took Monday off to finish recovering. I slept Monday away as well. I did feel better Monday night, however. A 48 hour bout of something I had. (I should have known something was wrong Sunday morning when I couldn't stomach my precious coffee.) Even after I was fever free, I was still cold. My husband checked the thermostat Monday night because HE was cold. "Holy Crap, it is 60 in here!' he said. We both looked at Rocko the Cat. Rocko gets up on the CD cabinet and Rocko plays with shadows on the wall sometimes. We thought we had the cabinet far enough away from the thermostat that he wouldn't mess with it, but apparently not. It was my fault. I had hung Valentine decorations on that wall and it became Rocko's only quest to remove them all by Sunday night. No doubt during his flights to knock down the wall items, he bashed the old thermostat. God Bless the Kitties. Burrrrrr........

February 16, 2016
Just a factual notation - Rocko the Cat snores. I think I've mentioned this fact before, but when he does it I am always shocked. He is the first cat I can recall snoring like that. It is a high pitched whistle sound like 'Pewwwwwwww, Peeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww'....

The weekend flew by at a high rate of speed with me accomplishing NOTHING WHATSOEVER. I played with my bubble machine (that irritated Jake who constantly barked at it) and I took my husband out for heart shaped Valentine pancakes at our favorite diner on Sunday. Oh My. So delicious. I had been good all week on fats and treated my liver like the Royalty that my Liver thinks it is so I could splurge on Sunday. I enjoyed that stupid heart shaped pancake with real whipped cream and chocolate chips SO MUCH. Sigh. Yum. I didn't even get ONE warning shot from my Liver!! Woot.

I stopped feeding the birdies at the front feeders a while back because the deer gangs come along and tip the feeders up and eat from them like they were movie popcorn. Sigh. I continue to feed the birdies in the dog pen. I have several feeders there, thinking it was safe from deer. My husband got up the other night to find Bambi in the pen and one of her gang members hanging around outside of the pen, each helping themselves to the feeders in both spots. When they noticed him looking out the window, SPROING - the one in the pen (who we are sure is the ring leader) flew back out of the fence in one graceful movement. I assumed they would just attempt this daring raid on my dog pen bird feeders in the night, but I got out of the shower the other morning and Bambi and her minions were back. I ran to get my camera but they had bolted off and were across the road before I could take a picture. IN
BROAD DAYLIGHT!! HOW DARE THEY!?!? (I honestly don't mind feeding ALL forms of wildlife but it has not been that snowy nor cold when the Bambi Gang took over these here parts, so I figured the deer have a better chance of finding delicious bark over in the woods as opposed to my feathered friends finding available seeds. That is why I get riled when deer rape my bird feeders. Pretty soon gangs of deer will be performing 'West Side Story' across the road and one thing will lead to another and ...)

February 29, 2016 -  Ah, it has been a 10+ days or so but since I know how my three readers are chomping at the bit, I will finally update. Be still your beating hearts...

Let me see...there was a snow storm last week. Not a big one. (I HATE how the media blows a normal winter storm out of proportion, making it sound like there will be no survivors...) I was going to sit here and criticize the fact that they even closed school but then in the back on my mind I could hear someone ... somewhere ... in some other time and space, laughing at us for closing schools for so long back in in 1978. (They closed school for just two foot of snow!?  Well in my day...) So I'll shut up.

I did make a snow man during that snowing since it was heavy and wet and BEGGING for a 55 year old woman to come touch it. It was a snow bunny, actually and Jake the Dog helped so much. He would romp about as we were pelted with snow, bite a chunk out of the rear end of the snow bunny and then romp some more. I did this in my work clothes and ended up being totally soaked and losing my pants by the time I was done with my masterpiece. Sometimes you gotta make a snowman. Sometimes you just gotta play... Sometimes you gotta moon your neighbors... Last week's snow is all gone now, however. It got to be in the 50 this weekend, melting any trace of my feeble attempt at artistic expression. We are due for more snow this week (maybe tonight?) and I will make another critter if the snow is so kind.

There were the mass shootings in Kalamazoo ... we worry about ISIS when we should be worried about our neighbors even more? Sigh. Sad Sad Sad. What will bother everyone from now on is WHY HE DID IT. Why? What causes any one human to think it is OK to take the life of another. I will never understand that part of it. Then after that happened, another several rampages took place across the country. Were humans ALWAYS this mentally ill? Was it like this back in the pioneer days when they were headed out West and we just didn't hear about it? Incidents such as that make me very sad I plopped out kids in to this world. Kids, I'm sorry. I meant well, but there are evil, horrid people out there. Please never be one of them...

I got my husband his anniversary presents early and gave them to him Friday night. The first one I gave him (and I pretended it was his only one) was an R2D2 small personal humidifier. You see, this is hysterical (if only to me) because he got me that R2D2 bubble machine for Valentine's day and WHY? I am not a collector of anything Star Wars...but I digress. We needed a real humidifier as our old one committed suicide so I got him a new REAL one but when I saw the wee R2D2 one - I had to get that one as well. He got me a lovely new set of stoneware dishes. (Meaning I picked it out and he paid for it.) We've had the same dishes since 1997 so it was time for a new set.

When he opened it up, he laughed and laughed. "Point taken" he chuckled. He did, however, set up the wee R2D2 unit in the bedroom and has been using all weekend. The REAL humidifier I got him did not work out of the box, so that went back yesterday and we got a 'new' new one. It is over there purring like a kitten and spewing forth moisture into our dry air. No more bloody boogers for us, boy howdy.

Since the humidifier would take up the perch shelf that Rocko had claimed as his own, my husband BOUGHT THE DARNED CAT A PERCH. Hahahahaha. We spent a half hour debating the virtues of all the cat perches at Petco and decided on the one that had the best of all worlds for a stupid cat. I must admit, Rocko has been more lovey-dovey since the introduction of his Kitty Condo. He even slept on my chest last night and that is UNHEARD of since we became his owners. Maybe he realizes we are on his side and he is alpha cat and is not going to be replaced any time soon by a new dog or another cat? Or he'll do what he always does - charm us for a bit then go and piss on the front door. If that cat's head spun around and pea soup shot out, it would surprise me not.

My Aunt's health has taken a turn for the worse so she is now at my cousin's house since she needs full time care. I hope they eventually bring my Uncle over to the house as well. (My Aunt used to tell me that my sister and I killed our Mom because we sent her to a nursing home. I really do not believe this and I don't let it bother me and I only bring it up now because she NEEDS to be in a facility with medical assistance 24/7. I wonder if she can see this fact? I doubt it. I think at this point she is just very, very angry at every one.) We will all get to the point my Aunt is at, but I hope we are not as angry. I have been working very hard after seeing this happen to my own Mom to work out issues in my head. I don't want to be the one who blames everyone for everything that happened in my life when I go over the edge. I want to be the one who chases cute male orderlys in my wheel chair... Sigh.

topMarch 15, 2016 - We are supposed to get our first thunder boomers tonight, so I felt it was best I update tonight in case I get carried off by a very large tornado. (Not really. Faithful readers Ron and Vickie requested I do so, since I love those guys, I decided to make it happen.)

First of all - I am a Grandma again. This is Toph (and I call her Topher) - my daughter's new puppy. Topher keeps Zora the Husky very busy which helps my daughter out very
much. Topher is a godsend in that respect. Topher is also a pooper and Topher has yet to learn the finer art of pooping exclusively outside. Topher will learn, of course. (Dogs can be trained. It is the human race that is general...not poop wise - I mean, mostly we humans all know how to poop in the proper place, though....but I digress....)  I wish her luck with the new puppy, and I also wish my daughter the incentive to finish her doctorate SOON so I can call her Dr. Daughter. (She won't even notice that small subliminal message I just sneaked in there...)

What else has happened lately? (My soninlaw is passing his first kidney stone. So I guess, technically, that will be another form of a grand baby as well. We all know how I enjoy rocks.) I don't think he has passed it yet, however. (Another sneaky subliminal message, DRINK MORE WATER!!!) Passing a kidney stone hurts and i told him that will be the closest thing to having a baby a man can ever go through. I had one when I was pregnant with my wee one and couldn't have drugs to ease the pain. I would NEVER go through that again without a button attached to an I.V. filled with morphine! (Kidney stone or baby...)

In a local paper, a reporter had a story about residents finding "scores" of dead crows near a railroad track. There were two comments after the little article. (It was just a wee article. A good starter article for a fledgling news person...) The comments read something like this:

Commentator #1
"Which is it, Bob? Is it scores or is it hundreds? A score is 20, so technically scores could be anything from 40 – 199. After that it is hundreds. Speaking informally, which journalism is not supposed to be doing, scores is commonly used only to refer to numbers less than a hundred. Be honest, Bob. You don’t even actually know that there are any birds there at all, and even if there are you don’t know that they are actually even crows, do you? You just repeat what you see on the internet without doing any fact-checking or investigating (or looking up words you don’t know in the dictionary) at all.This is nothing more than rumor-mongering, not journalism. You should be ashamed of yourself."

Now, I believe this first commentator was bored out his head and obviously just doesn't like the name BOB to begin with and only has the local paper to entertain himself with while his broken leg heals and his telescope gets fixed.

Commentator #2

"Out of curiosity, Bob, why is there a photo of a Northwestern crow (Corvus caurinus) attached to this article? They don’t live anywhere near here. Is there no available file photo of the right species of animal (Corvus brachyrhynchos) to accompany the article? I find that hard to believe.And no, they do not all look alike."

#2 was obviously the middle child and is sensitive to being mistaken for other crows, I mean kids. And who the hell knows WHAT a proper crow for this area LOOKS like? Frankly, I thought the picture along with the article was a good example what I would expect to pick up dead near a railroad track...

Anyway - I will continue to catch you all up on my exciting life...

My husband found a chunk of egg or crusted on cheese or something on a plate I happened to miss when I hand washed it (even though I've asked him a million times for 36 years to rinse his cheesy/egged up plates after he is done eating off of them, but he never does) and so he decided he was buying me a new dishwasher. Our old one died (the mechanical one) and the kids have moved out (the original dishwashers) so I was doing dishes by hand. I don't mind that one bit, mind you. Originally he was going to buy my daughter's used portable one, but never found the gumption to go get it from Chicago. So he had me order one on line (after he did all the research) and he paid for it and all. That was TWO DAYS before we got a deal from his work place from Whirlpool. After checking the partner program out online, we could save 200 dollars! So, I cancelled the first order. (That was due to be delivered last Saturday. They still brought it out but I tried twice to stop the poor truck dude from wasting gas...communication was not very good in that organization.) Now, the new new one will be here Friday. They will drop off the new and take away the old. No more shall crusty things be left to poison my husband. (Sigh, and I was soooo close................) I am kind of wondering if the one we rejected was taken back to the stocking center and just got wheeled on to the truck bringing it back on Friday and it won't work because it has been jostled around for two weeks on a must ponder. So, I will shut up, since I am getting a new, working, well traveled dish washer.

I have been unable to sleep more than a few hours a night for a week or more - worrying about life, the universe, and everything. I cannot control certain situations, I know. I have to let it go - this I do know. Sigh. I could go on and on here and rant and rave but it would do no good and it would insult the people involved and I wouldn't sleep any better as it wouldn't solve anything. At all. Ever. 'nough said. (No, it is not about Trump or the other idiots running for Presidency of the USA. Lack of viable candidates on both sides of the fence have been and increasing issue for decades now, so I'm pretty sure I'm used to that by now...) I have to learn to fight my own fires and let others control their own flames and pray we all have renter's insurance.

A few weeks ago, I posted a picture of older people (20 years older than me) playing cards with huge playing cards. I posted the meme, saying, "Ten years ago I would have laughed at this picture, but now I'm wondering where I can get a deck of these things..." My friend, Linda, was in Las Vegas and brought me back a pack of 'em! Hahahaha. I laughed quite hard. I can SEE THEM! Smile.

I have been having increasing problems seeing with my ever expanding cataracts, especially in bright light like the sun and with headlights coming at me at night. (So, um..24/7). I have an appointment with an eye doctor next week, and we'll go from there. I've threw in the towel the other day when my coworker Judy walked in to my office in her pretty white sweater and her lovely grey hair and stood in the streaming sun talking to me and all I could see was a polar bear in a blizzard. Sigh. I am ready to have the cataracts taken off. I want to see things that are there again. I want to be able to travel after dark again without the fear of being in the paper the next day with a headline of "We've found the REAL MRS. MAGOO - sadly, there were no survivors."

(While I'm whining, I want to be 100 pounds lighter and 32 years old again, too, but whadya gonna do?)

The young neighbor to my direct north got a new dog. Steve is his name - now. It started out as 'Lucky' then 'Moose' and was finally changed to 'Steve' and he is a lovely dog. He is full of life and is very handsome. (My husband thought they should have named the dog 'Ricky' since their other dog is 'Lucy' and it would have been funny hearing them call 'LUCCCCCYYYY' and 'RICKKKYYYYYY' when the dogs ran off. Smile.) Since my dog Jake and his girlfriend, Sophie, think the middle neighbor's yard is there personal place to poop, I did a walk about tonight to clean up poop while the sun shone in the neighbor's yard. They have little kids and those wee ones don't need to be wiping out in Jake's leftovers... (I will teach my next dog to stay in his/her own yard, but for now I feel it would be impossible for Jake to understand this concept. He's 11, after all, and has been pooping on the greater tri-state areas for years. No way of stopping him now...)

I suppose it is time for me to go watch an old science show that I've seen six thousand times in an effort to lull myself to sleep. Wish me luck. Later you may hear thunder, but hopefully it is just me snoring. I miss sleeping.

March 22, 2016 - I had my long weekend vacation and enjoyed it a lot. Very Relaxing. I had someone play with my hair both Friday and Monday. Ahhhhhhh. Better than therapy, boy howdy. Why I find someone touching my hair so calming, I do not know, but I do.

I went to see an eye doctor for an exam and referral for cataract surgery. I had not been to that particular place before, but they had good reviews and took my new eye insurance.
The doctor came out and grabbed my paperwork and read it while she snarled her lip like Elvis. She took me back and checked my eyes. She put drops in to dilate my eyes and took me back to the waiting room to percolate while she started the next person.

I sat there for about 17 minutes (not that I was counting) and when she took me back again to use the bright light they use to see to the back of your eye area and look for tumors, rabid monkeys, trapped bugs, and cataracts I thought I was going to cry. The light was SO BRIGHT. She mentioned it was going to be bright. She wasn't lying. I've never had an exam like that where they laser out the contents of your skull like she did. Cripes. (I may be exaggerating a bit...she didn't melt my left eye but spent a good time on my right eye, convincing me to become a blind bottom feeder.) Since I couldn't read past the first line on the letter chart with my right eye, and since I could read to the 20/20 line with my left, she said, "OK, you need to get that right eye done first, if you are willing." My right eye had a lot of cataract-y goodness and was more than a candidate for surgery. Apparently there were no rabid monkeys.

I let them schedule a consultation with one of the ophthalmology surgeons they refer to and I go in May for my first visit. (The surgeon had good reviews. I checked out their website and watched how they can fix cataracts.) The rest of the day I had to wear sunglasses, though, due to the way that nice lady used that bright light. Yikes. Good news is, I never smelled brains or bacon cooking so she stopped in time...

Jake has been antsy and worried and acting odd. I am not sure WHY he's acting odd. Maybe it is because I did some spring cleaning when I was off and if I clean, normally there are kids that suddenly appear. No one appeared. I am sure Jake is just confused. He is also acting his age, which is 11. It was no doubt the washing of the kitchen and bedroom curtains that really confused him. That is always a sign there will be a herding. He awaits for other humans to show up...

There has been a LOT of skunks in the road. Dead, of course. A sign of spring or a sign of suicidal critters. Stinky, nonetheless. My daffodils are up about six inches. My bleeding heart is starting to sprout. Everything out there wants it to be warm and spring like. All the trees and plants are revving their motors, just waiting. The peepers were peeping, but it has been cold the last few nights so they've put the lust factor on the back burner and if they were smart, should be buried under mud to keep warm at night. I am ready for spring this year.

There has been so much stupid in the world lately. The bombings in Brussels is just one more in a long line of awful things. If I were the planet Earth, I would shake us humans off like a dog shakes out his fur after a bath.

March 24, 2016 - I got a reminder from my lower intestine doctor about it being time for another anal adventure in probing. I want to go in for the colonoscopy as my Mom had colon cancer and I like to keep an eye on that area. I will call the new insurance place this morning and find out if they cover such endeavors without a direct reference from my main doctor. I have heard a report on the news that it was thought you only need one every ten years or so, instead of every five, and from what I have heard of our insurance they are the type to do the least amount of payout possible. Maybe due to family history they will grant me my wish to be poked internally with a camera.

While doing my morning chores, I ended up in the laundry room - staring blankly at the window thinking to myself, "...Why Am I Out Here...." when Jake came up to assist. Assuming the role of guide dog, he was sure I was out there to get him a 'cookie' and stared at me intensely, then swung he gaze to the treat canister, back to me, back the cookies. He was such a big help. He got excited when I started talking to myself to backtrack WHY I went out there in the first place. (I did figure out why I was there finally, so there IS hope...)

I had a binge on jelly beans last night and I'm not proud. I purchased them for the candy jar. If it is in the house, it will be in my belly. This is why I can't bake anymore. I gave up self control for Lent decades ago, as you can tell from my girlish figure. Last night I had a dream, and in the dream I was thin and beautiful and there was such a mess with all the men who wanted me and such (giggle) so I guess I know why I stay fat and not so attractive - I simply don't have time for riots in my honor. (My brain - I can think anything I want!)

March 29, 2016 - March came in like a lion this year, so now I'm wondering if it will go out like a lamb? Who came up with that phrase? I'll go look - with the internet at our fingertips, there is no reason any of us should claim stupidity. 

OK, the first time that phrase was used that can be found by the first researcher I read was in 1732, and it means March was still winter like at the beginning of the month, then more warm and fluffy and lamb like by the end. We all kind of just assumed that is what was meant now, didn't we? Really, did I need to look that up? No. No, I didn't.

Over the weekend, I put out a few yard things. Just a few. It is way too early to put out all my crap, but my gnome tree things- those I put out. The albino gnome keeps getting knocked down by a squirrel (I am assuming). Every day since I put it out, I come home to the gnome face down in the yard. The squirrels have yet to bother the other one. I need to figure a way to anchor the one gnome down. It really needs to be wired with electricity...a gnome taser of sorts. Squirrel Taser. What's for dinner?

The kids were supposed to come over last Saturday, but the truck drivin' son was not going to make it back in time, so we're shooting for this weekend. My daughter and soninlaw will be here with the two dogs, and my youngest with his dog, and then there is Jake. This visit should shake Jake out of his blue funk. He won't want to see another human or animal for six weeks after this weekend, boy howdy.

I went for a tooth cleaning and all was well, except when the dentist came in he said I needed a small filling. I laughed. "You mean I actually have a tooth that is MY OWN TOOTH? One that isn't a crown?!?!" Apparently so - there are survivors. I go back for the filling in May. I was so good during my cleaning visit I got a prize - a wee little plastic wizard that will become a member of my fairy gardens this spring.

I scheduled my anal paparazzi session in a few weeks. My new insurance says you only need a colonoscopy every ten years - but I am going to fight for mine at five years. I have family history of colon cancer and I will be damned if I wait for it to explode like it did in my Mom. If having a photo session of my lower regions can save me from that fate, then more power to me.

I was just thinking to myself a week or so ago how I had not even taken my insurance cards out yet, but now I've used each one - the eye and the dental and the medical. Go me! Come out of the gate firing all guns!!  I should go get a poke 'n prod as well, since I'm over due for that. I will wait a bit - I'm sure there is some rule on getting too many things done to too many orifices all at once in case one implodes or the like.

I am drawing myself a bath because we all know a good hot soak cures all. I got a new batch of bath bombs, and tonight I'm trying the "Orange You Glad I'm Naked" bomb. The water is a pretty orange and it smells refreshing. Mind you, where I live the water is already orange, but this is a brighter and happier orange.( Vickie - dare I tell you that Antoinette's Bath House is up and running and I've ordered twice and it was here in no maybe you will want to treat yourself???)

My piss poor old lady attitude has been getting a wee bit better as of late. I have had to let a few things go mentally to relieve my severe mental stress, and once I did that - I feel lighter and fluffier than ever. (Or maybe it is the bath bombs...those cheer me up too. It's all the glitter in some of 'em. I have a trails of shiny all over my house and bed...) Maybe it was because I got my first daffodils already! My favorite flower is daffodils, 'tis a fact.

topApril 7 2016 - Happy April!! There are snow showers out there which I am pretty sure counts as a form of 'showers' that is mentioned in the song so therefore there will be May flowers. Unless said May flower buds get frozen by said April ice showers......a circle of baffling confusion! Welcome to Michigan.

The other day on the way to work, a large humvee type vehicle pulled out from a side road behind me and followed me as tight as possible without crashing in to my back bumper. I couldn't tell if it was a man or woman as all I could see in my rear view was a grill. I went the speed limit like a good girl while thinking, "Who am I to judge them? If I have to suddenly brake for a deer or a dead leaf blowing across the road and they end up in my front seat, it is their fault, not mine.." They were tight on my tail until I came up to a main cross road where I wanted to turn left and the large black humvee wanted to turn right. At least they did not pull up ON TOP OF MY CAR which they probably could have done easily just by steering .073 inches to their left. They totally blocked my view for a while before zooming off down the road. No doubt that poor person was late for an emergency operation at the walk-in clinic for assholes. Please remember, people - if you rear end someone because you don't leave a safe space between your car and the car in front of you, YOU ARE AT FAULT. You are also STUPID and did NOT pay attention during Driver's Ed Class. Ugh.

The kids were all over for a late Easter dinner last Saturday and it was a hoot. There were many dogs in my small living room. I got to meet my new granddog Toph who is a DOLL. So tiny. I had the impression in my mind she would be bigger, but she's just a wee puppy. I would have kept here here. Zora the Husky seemed jealous that Toph played so well with Watson. (Well, that is after Watson stopped attempting to hump the poor wee puppy. Watson finally gave up and just played with her...) It was fun to see my 'babies' and I enjoyed the day very much. My soninlaw is STILL having issues with "Mick Jagger" the kidney stone. Mick is not leaving. Mick has made himself a lovely home in the lower regions of the poor boy. They will have to go get the rock I have a feeling. ('They' meaning a medical professional and not my daughter who I'm pretty sure would be willing to take a knife and remove that thing herself by now...)

Last Friday night my husband and I invaded my neighbor's yard and we stood there for hours laughing and talking and drinking a few beers. I had so much fun. I miss those guys during the winter. My knees asked me the next morning, "Why did you stand on us with that horrid fat body of yours for so long? We will continue to remind you on a daily basis how large you are and the fact you mistreated us by making it nearly impossible to walk for the next two weeks...." Blowing a knee was totally worth it to see Ron and Sue, though. I adore them.

I went to see my Uncle today. He is so lonely now that my Aunt is over at my cousin's house. He was crying and talking about wishing he had a gun. Sigh. He told me he fell this week at the door it took him two hours to get himself off the floor. Arghhhhhhh!
I sure hope Uncle Lorin gets moved over to my cousin's before he falls and can't get up for good. My older cousin had a cleaning company come in and clean the apartment so it looked very good and he also came with his wife last weekend from Wisconsin and cleaned out a bunch of old paperwork that lined the apartment walls in the dining room. I took my Uncle two pulled pork sandwiches that I hope don't give him a horrid case of stomach acid. Poor guy.

My hair has been out of control and it's not even humid yet! It has a mind of its own and is in dire need of a cut. I love my hair, mind you. It is a mass of curly happiness. It is strand upon strand of free will keratin that has no clue nor does it care what its nearest neighbor is doing. My hair often has wild celebrity parties up there without my permission. I came back form visiting my Uncle and after I was walked in the front door at work, the receptionist was laughing at me. "Oh, Sandy! Your hair! ... And the look on your face was priceless..."  (It was very windy today and my hair was acting as if it was in zero gravity with a wind machine.) When I got to my office I shoved it in a bun type wad and used a rubber band to hold it down. (Ouch - don't put rubber bands on hair that has no clue where it should be to begin with..)

Today I happened to drop a crumb in to my bra. (Wait, I ALWAYS drop crumbs in my bra but this particular object just happened to be a crumb I really wanted, so I went after it...) When I was digging in my bra to find the food, I saw on my right breast a huge red, infected spot. "What the ??..." I said out loud.. Now remember, I suggest that if you are going to inspect an infected boob I highly advise that you do not do it at your desk at work. That being said, I dug 'her' out and checked this big boo boo. "When did this happen?!?!?" I went to the bathroom and cleaned her up and came back and applied antibiotic cream that I had in my drawer. I was thinking
back over the last two days wondering what I could have done to hurt myself. Did I drop hot food down there? Did I smash it in a cupboard? Did I put my bra on when there was a bug in the right cup? I did remember that the other night it felt like something was stuck in my bra and when I looked, there was a red spot where I just assume my Fitbit was rubbing. So I moved my Fitbit a bit more to the center and forgot all about it. She is resting comfortably now, all doctored up and I will keep an eye on her... Maybe I've just reached the age where I will start spontaneously dissolving? Is it bed sores from lack of use? Maybe I'm finally coming out of my cocoon?  Odd. Very Odd.

I cannot wait until I get to see the eye surgeon about getting my eyes fixed! I hope the cataract removal will improve my eyesight. It has to!! I can only imagine how bad off the right side of my face is, bead wise. I can't see to pluck the wee goobers, so I'm sure I'm getting pretty Grizzly Adamish about now. A month from now I will see the surgeon. I have read a lot about this surgery. I have read what causes cataracts and I have read that there could be complication. I understand that my eye could just pick up and leave without notice and I'll find it on the corner waiting for a bus...but I sure want this fixed if it can be. I know there are things that I cannot control as I age, but this is one thing I CAN control. I think. I hope.

I suppose I'll go to bed. I've blabbed so much here that I'm sitting here half asleep. I make myself bored. I will change my name to Sandy P.M. Sleep, Precious....SLEEP!

April 13, 2016 - A while ago we went to eat at a Chinese Buffet and my fortune cookie had this bit of advice (to the left) and I kept it because of two things. 1)This is a key phrase in one of my favorite series of books by Douglas Adams and 2)It just seems like good advice, really. When applying that logic to emergency situations, however, it seldom helps calm anything down. As soon as you mention 'do not panic' in a calm and soothing voice to a crowd of people, they automatically find many reasons to do so. Odd how that works.

I got all of the goodies I need to purge the innards for my colonoscopy next Tuesday. I have been trying like crazy to drink a LOT of water and hydrate myself to the max prior to next week so it is easier to find veins. Five years ago, loyal readers will remember how much of an issue that was to find a vein of any type to pump happy juice into my plump little body. Sigh. I consider these procedures (where they give you happy juice for the reason of distracting you from any internal discomfort they are about to inflict on you) sort of a mini vacations, really. I want to have a mini-vacation and see my lower colon on T.V.! A girl must have dreams. If you've not had a colonoscopy and you are over 50, please check your insurance details and go get one. Seriously, it gives you so much more to talk about over coffee with friends. I plan on drawing cartoon pictures about the procedure for my grand kids if'n I ever get any.

This weekend is a craft show at the local fairgrounds and my niece has a booth. I hope I can find a parking spot, because on the other side of that building is an "Ultimate Garage Sale." I want to stop there and check out the crafts then go up to see my Aunt. As far as I know, she is still in the hospital. I found this out accidentally by seeing a post on my cousin's Facebook. I called the hospital yesterday and she was still there. If she's still there I will go up on the weekend. I'm afraid if she sees me she will panic and want me to 'take her home' and she can't go home. Insert sad face here.

Before blogging tonight, I soaked in a tub with a bath bomb called "The Other Woman" and that smelled DIVINE. I can't place what the scent is or what it reminds me of - but there is something in the background scent of it that is alluring and pleasant. I keep sniffing down my nightgown to smell my boobs to try to figure out why it smells so good. *I just looked on the web page and it says this about what makes it smell so good, "notes of citruses, red fruits, fresh flowers of lily of the valley, tea rose, and cinnamon leaves. The dry down is woody and musky with Tan-aka wood..."  Well, that narrows it down. All I know is - I would buy the perfume if they offered it. (But then it would smell so good I'd have to go out and do something fancy to justify wearing it...)

Have you seen the commercials for Snyder's pretzels? "We're hardy, crunchy, bold, and baked. We're not going anywhere - We're pretzels, baby!" For some reason that tickles me to no end. Kudos to the creator of that advertising theme. I now use the phrase, "We're pretzels, baby...." all the time, and if you don't hear me saying it just read my lips...

There was an accident on a corner of one of the roads I take home tonight and there was an accident on one of the roads my husband comes home on...lots of people in a hurry to roll their vans or hit an oncoming car, I guess. Must be spring. Speaking of which, I was going through my closet looking for anything that looked more 'spring' like that I could wear and I found a purse - a NEW purse! Tags still on it. It has pretty pink flowers in variants of pink all over it. I never buy girly pink flowered purses. How did it get there? I stared at it for quite a while trying to fish though my memories to find the time and/or reason I purchased said purse. Honestly, I can't remember. I pulled it out though and put it in to active duty. (I didn't find any spring-like clothing, either. Thought I'd better close that thought process for you so you didn't worry all day.) This purse is much bigger than my old one so now I'm just going to have to buy more crap to put in it, I guess! Possibly a small dog like a Chihuahua, I am thinking...

April 20, 2016 - In case you were confused on how to start a long weekend, I'll share my secret method (which worked wonders for me last Friday afternoon) - Sneak out of work early, play kissy-face with your dog (who is EVER so glad to see you) by the front door, promptly roll your right ankle on said dog's rock solid chew bone he brought to you to welcome you home, fall at a rapid rate of speed on to your left knee as you see your vision narrowing for a bit of a faint from the right ankle pain, and proceed to throw the nearest chair to you (that you attempted to grab) up against the wall only to knock over stuff on the shelf above the chair's point of impact. Oh, and pee your pants on the way down. THAT, my friends, is how to launch a long weekend!! Bam. The dog went out to potty and came back in - he was not upset by me being on the floor. He just had to go and did so since I had left the door open - but he stood next to me once I was able get to the toilet to sit down and gather my self together. Good doggie. Bad Bone.

Actually, I'm OK and everything feels OK and I'm not dead. My knee and ankle were very sore until Sunday afternoon, then eased up a bit. I went to the chiropractor this morning so everything was put back to where it originally came from and I feel pretty good for a 55 year old lady.

I had vacation days scheduled for Monday and Tuesday of this week, but that was a clever ruse - I really was prepping for and having my second colonoscopy. The 'night of a 1000 waterfalls' as it were. The prep was no fun but the procedure itself went like warm butter. This time I actually was knocked out for it. (My first one I got to watch it - I wasn't under all the way.) As the anesthesiologist injected the medicine into my I.V., I remember feeling floaty and seeing my vision waiver and I said out loud, "Ahhhhhh, that's the stuff..." before I went under. Leave 'em with a laugh, I say.

I forced my husband to take me to breakfast after we left the g
astroenterology office. FEED ME! I JUST POOPED MOST OF MY BRAINS OUT were my exact words, I believe. If you have never had a scope and you are over 50 - please - GO GET ONE! Most insurances, if not all, will cover one every 10 years. Take advantage of the most exciting form of proactive healthcare EVER!!

I want to plant flowers so badly, but it is not May yet. You must not plant flowers before the second week of May. So it is written. We will get another freeze, and FOR SURE would get another freeze if I planted early. Sigh. I WANT TO PUT IN PANSIES SO BADLY!! Sigh. If I was smart, I would plant things that would come back every year and I wouldn't have to worry about planting ever again, right? I did manage to put out my solar lights over the last two weeks. That pleased me. I'll be screwed if there was ever a black out air raid in the middle of the night, though. I put out my hummingbird feeders. Those always go up by April 15th. Per the map, they should be here already. I've not seen any males yet but they will come. I fancied it up with a fake hummingbird decoration. That will bring all the birds to the yard, for sure.

April 21, 2016
- At this moment, both the cat and dog are snoring. Loudly. I can only imagine this is what it sounds like at night when my husband and I are asleep...

April Showers bring May flowers! It's raining, baby!  I couldn't have timed it better with the relocation of some daffodils from the back yard to the front yard last night. Now they have a lovely soaking of rain to help them settle in to their new home. I planted daffodils around a pine tree up front several years ago when my friend Kathy sent me bulbs, but I spaced them too far apart. I know they spread out over time but I didn't want to wait that long so I am attempting to fill them in a bit. Jake the dog was very helpful during this process of plant relocation. Later in the evening when the neighbor let her dogs out to potty and before she go them on a chain, my wonderdog went barreling over there to break up whatever was going on. Jake wasn't sure what was going on, actually. I think Jake just saw two dogs on his turf that could be barked at, so he did just that. (Jake's turf is our yard, the neighbors yard, and Ron and Sue's yard - or so Jake thinks...) Jake ran over to interject himself into the ball of fur that was Lucy an Steve the dogs as they played. That made those two gallop off around our yards as Jake watched and on occasion tried to follow them. Sophie the dog came over and it was quite the puppy party. Poor Heather next door was trying to reign in her dogs, but Steve the dog was so happy to be running he just kept doing so, but in circles so we still had a chance of capture before he got too far. I yelled to my husband to bring 'cookies' and we got Lucy and Steve to come in to our dog pen to get a treat. Phew. I was worried that Steve would run off. Steve was just so happy to be running. His name should have be Forest. Heather said that Steve had taken off the other day and he got quite a ways away before she could catch him. FREEDOM!!

We have a special team building meeting this Saturday at the local high school for my place of work. I have to buy a white shirt because I'm on the white team. I am not sure what this meeting will entail. (I suppose secretly wishing for an impromptu game of dodge ball is just expecting too much, isn't it?)  I have been working for that company since 1979 and have seen so many of these types of things over the years and my first reaction was  "UGH- not again!"  but I will keep my attitude upbeat about it since it is kind of like Santa Claus - you keep repeating it every year for the sake of the young ones...

Saturday afternoon after the team building meeting, I get to watch my daughter try on wedding dresses. This is a big deal for me since it almost killed me back in 2005 to see her try on prom dresses. I don't do 'girly' things well. I am sure it will be fun, however. Plus, there most likely will be shiny things and we all know how I do enjoy a good bit o' shiny. I hope they have holographic dresses there...I would push for her to wear one of those..

April 22, 2016 - It us still raining a wee bit and I like it. The grass has decided to grow six feet over night. Dandelions everywhere! I don't fuss about dandelions since they are only out for three weeks then just stop blooming. Plus, it adds color and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have a green yard without them there. I think the 'grass' part of my yard stopped being 'grass' back in 1986 or so. I saw bees buzzing around some dandelions yesterday so I say - Let 'Em Live.

Yesterday morning at work I was itching my head and found a small hard object. Immediately I go in to ICK A TICK mode and I grasp said wee object and tried to pull it out. I lost it somewhere in the mass that is my mop of hair. I felt all over my hair for it. I checked my chair. I checked the floor. I checked my desk. I went in the bathroom and looked at my back the best I could in the mirror. I finally decided that maybe it was not a tick - maybe it was just a small scab from me scratching a zit or something. Nonetheless, I was on high alert all day after that.

After work my husband and I went to dinner before going grocery shopping. I was telling him the ICK A TICK story (recreating the situation move for move since all men enjoy listening to boring, animated  details from all women, everywhere) when I felt it again! I pulled it out and IT WAS A SMALL DEER TICK! I've never had a deer tick on my body EVER. Wood ticks - yes, but never the Lyme harboring deer tick. My husband grabbed it up with a paper towel and rushed it for a flushing in the men's room to save me. "What if I needed that when I go in to the doctor because my head explodes from Lyme disease?" I asked him, as I continued to check myself practically all over in the restaurant. I did not care if it was a public place - this was a ICK A TICK emergency. It must have taken that critter all day to find his way back to my scalp. It did not look like nor did it feel like he had attached. (he OR she - who am I to be racist or prejudice or bigoted against ticks?) When we got home, I made my husband sweep well as I checked all the chairs and throw blankets and the bed for intruders. I felt up the pets, too. Jake loved the pat down but Rocko - not so much. I checked my husband out head to toe and made him check me. Can you say PARANOID? I spent a better part of an hour investigating on line about ticks in Michigan as well while I itched excessively every time I felt a breeze or a hair moving. Sigh. I am still itching now just typing about the subject. ICK.

April 28, 2016 - I was commenting on the birds singing at work the other morning whilst I was walking in from the parking lot and one of the single gentlemen said, "You hear happy chirping, and I hear frustrated, angry males trying to get laid..." I had to laugh, but man - it IS true. All that pretty song we hear is all an attempt by poor males to get a female's attention. Poor dudes everywhere!

It is raining now an I am grateful. We need rain. I went ahead an got several hanging planters of petunias and two of pansies last weekend. I couldn't wait. This was last week after we mowed the yard for the first time. I just HAD TO HAVE FLOWERS. My Bleeding Heart plant is going crazy already. She gets bigger every year (kinda like ME). I adore the various plants I got via the kid's band fundraiser programs in the past that keep coming back with a vengeance every year since planting. I have balloon flowers that are also just NUTS. I have to buy more and more stakes to keep them up every year, they thrive with gusto. I got another box of bulbs from a friend's daughter's fundraiser this year to's full of random bulbs. I can't wait to put them in...the adventure of 'Crap in Sandy's Yard' continues!

My daughter and her maid of honor were down last Saturday and we went dress shopping. She invited her Mother in Law as well. She said 'yes' to a dress after trying on a herd of them. I don't shop well - I am not a shopper. I kept wandering off and looking at other dresses and my daughter kept hauling me back. However, considering my inability to be 'girly' I did manage ot survive the experience and my daughter has a wedding dress and we all had a hoot. She will go in for fitting in August. (They are getting married October 1st of this year.) We went to look at the venue where they are getting married so her maid of honor (and wedding planner of sorts) could see what they are up against. I am not paying for a wedding for my daughter. This makes me evil in the eyes of some, I'm sure. She knows how I feel about weddings. She knows I am not a big fan of wasting money on big weddings. So she was grateful to accept what I offered and I love her for that. (Plus they have been together for 11 years, so technically they have been married in my head for over a decade.) This wedding is mainly on them and they accepted that without a blink of an eye. I wish I could post a picture of the dress she decided on, but that is bad juju for the groom to see the bride in the dress prior to being legal bound to her in any way. Smile. 

The work team building meeting went well last Saturday morning and I actually kind of enjoyed it. Salaried people do not get paid to go to things like that, but I have to say, a few parts of it were very uplifting so it did pay for itself in ways. I needed to hear some of the points touched upon on at the meeting. All in all, even though I whined about going, I was happy I went. Plus we got a cool tumbler with our company's logo on it. Hey - free glass. I was dismayed at the fact we were in the local High School's auditoriums highest tier of chairs where they can close off that particular section for classes. The seats in those things are built for nubile young teens who weigh less than air. Many of us felt the pinch when trying to shove our bottoms into the seats. Me being me, after attempting to sit down, said loudly, "Oh, Hell no!" I asked the CEO if he had any jaws of life handy to pry me out of there after the event. I know I can't be the only one who felt stuck in those chairs! If the meeting taught me anything for sure it was NEVER GAIN WEIGHT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, EVER. After the meeting for the aforementioned wedding dress adventure and after I went to bed Saturday night, I SLEPT UNTIL ELEVEN A.M. ON SUNDAY! So much adventure just wore me out!! Hahaha.

My husband did the riding lawnmower mowing last Sunday and I did the weed whacking and push mowing. It did look pretty when we were done. I love the first cut of the year. The two minutes where the yard is even and totally green before the dandelions pop back up and before the maple trees start releasing the whirligigs in a few weeks.

I keep several bird feeders in the yard. The ones out front nearer to the road I fill once a week. I also have a bird bath there. The one in the dog pen I fell whenever it gets low. The last two weeks there has been a brown squirrel that I find hanging from the dog pen bird feeder every morning when I get out of the shower. I shoo him away, but he's gained so much weight he can't get through the fence anymore. This process of him attempting to escape when I bang on the windows is hilarious to watch. He attempts to exit via an opening in the fence but bounces back (since he can't fit) and attempts another opening, and finally decided EVERY TIME to go over the top of the fence. This entertains me. I really don't care if the squirrels eat the food, I guess, since I get such a kick out of their antics. (And after last Saturday's team meeting, I can really identify with the poor squirrel's attempt at getting out of the fence...)

May 2, 2016 - Happy May! So far it has been a marvelous month! Smile.

Saturday I dragged my husband to breakfast then the local Rock and Mineral show. I adore going there, mainly to stare at the polished rocks and say ooooooo and aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh a lot. I remember going as a child, yet I cannot remember who took me. I got addicted to rocks by friends of my Mom when I was just a wee child. They were 'rock hounds' and they took me down in to their basement and showed me their collections under black light. I was hooked. Rocks were so pretty! Who knew?

I had to feed my husband first (part of the bribe to go to the rock show). We had a lovely breakfast, and enjoyed seeing all the displays at the mineral show. When we got to the rock show there was a line to get in. I have never seen a line to get in to the rock and mineral show. I started to chat with the lady in front of us. She was from Windsor, Canada and had driven to this event "just because" she could. I said, "Did you get to go potty when you got here? I will save your place in line if you want to! Driving from Canada probably means you have to GO!!" She was so happy to have that offer and ran to the bathroom. When she got back we all laughed and talked ... the whole crowd around us was in good spirits, now that I ponder it. After we paid to get in and got in the main area, I lost track of the Canada lady and I went booth to booth making odd sounds of
joy. I ended up getting myself several small things but I really wanted the $1000 amethyst geode they had there. It was huge and beautiful.

After drooling over rocks for almost two hours, we were off to get my Mother's Day present. I had seen carts with wheels that you could use to scoot around flower beds so you did not have to get down on your knees. I wanted one of those things. I had researched it the night prior and found the one I wanted in stock at a local Home Depot. So far the whole day had been perfect, so of course finding my cart was going to work out, right? (When we got to the Home Depot and walked in, there were several EVIL LAWN MOWERS outside of the store. They looked like large, angry Japanese bumble bees)

We scoured the area indoors where the carts should be. We asked a gentleman who was working there about the carts. "I don't think we have any..." he replied instantly. "Can you look in the computer, please?" He didn't respond and just kept looking stupidly at the shelves, saying "I'm pretty sure we've sold them all..." I am not sure why this man was terrified of the computer. Sad, really.

We left him there and meandered out to their outside area. "I know they have one, dammit..." I mumbled. It was the perfect day so far and now Home Depot was going to rain on my parade? I don't think so! They WERE going to have my cart in stock come hell or high water. Mind you, we had already stopped at  Lowe's on the way to Home Depot and they didn't have any type of cart like what I wanted. I knew that because the nice sales lady LOOKED IN INVENTORY on line! She was not afraid of the computer.

We looked all over outside and we found them towards the back of the outdoors section. YAY!  They were called Gorilla scooters but I have dubbed mine "Sandy's Booter Scooter" and I adore it! My husband put it together for me when we got home and I took it for a test scoot around the inside of the house. This will save tons of wear and tear on my knees, boy howdy! I should have complained to someone about the dude who couldn't look up my request, but at that point I was so happy to have my scooter that I didn't care anymore.

I also might have accidentally gotten myself some more stuff to put in the yard. (Seriously - this has to stop. It will eventually take me all summer to haul out all the 'crap' I like in my yard just to have to turn around and put it away for winter.) However, I couldn't say no to the most adorable bunny and two moose that called my name on from the shelves. Sigh. We also stopped at the grocery store and I spent more than I had intended there, but it was just a fun, fun day all in all.

Now that it is MAY the sun can come out on occasion any time now and the 'April Showers' can stop, Right? (One of the things I got myself this weekend might have been a solar powered lighted fairy house, but I'm not sure. Smile. We all know I don't need more crap like that. But let's say I did buy a solar powered light up fairy house, then that house would need the sun to light itself up at night.) I am looking forward to planting flowers soon. I also have several moose to plant....

It should be a good week.

May 9, 2016 - A week ago I went to my family doctor because my ears hurt. He saw there was fluid but not infection. He put me on steroids. "We'll try that first - then if it doesn't drain, we'll send you to an ENT doctor..." I have had tubes in my ears as an adult. This isn't an issue to me, but I would much rather have my ears attempt to drain on their own. I've been discussing this with my ears and they are trying. However, after a week on steroids I'm just sweating like a leaky colander and very energetic, but no drainage...

I am on vacation. I am enjoying my vacation. My vacation started last Thursday.

Last Thursday I went and got a pedicure. I don't get nail polish. I got to have my callouses chiseled off by some poor underpaid lady who I try to tip well. If I can go barefoot I go barefoot, hence the six inches of constant callouses on my feet at all times. After my pedicure and descaling, I went and got highlights in my hair. I had such a nice, relaxing experience. Enjoyed the HECK out of that hair session. I got some flowers on the way home from the local nursery and picked up a few wooden crates that I plan on making in to high rise fairy gardens. Thursday was an awesome first day of vacation. I spent Thursday evening packing up all the stuff in my living room since we had hired my wee one to paint our living room on Friday. After filling several plastic boxes full of crap, I decided I have a lot of crap. Smile.

Friday morning was my first meeting with the eye surgeon who will get rid of this awful blinding cataract. I was there two hours. They just did exactly what the normal eye doctor did...not sure if ophthalmologist don't trust optometrist or what the deal is, but I had all that done again. The doctor asked if I was ready for surgery and I couldn't say yes fast enough. (Typing this blog is getting to be a chore just by the white glare causing a cloud, so I AM READY TO HAVE THE DAMNED SURGERY. I will have to go for three different appointments for measuring my eye ball, apparently, prior to surgery day so they don't accidentally cut out my brain, but I AM READY FOR SURGERY. It might not fix a thing. It might fix it all. I don't care - I have to try. I am tried of trying to see life through a fog. The wee one was at the house when I got home from the eye doctor. I had fun yakkin' at him while he painted. I tried painting a bit, myself, but I couldn't see well enough to do the trim, so I gave up and let him do the hard part. We sent the boy on his way around 7:30 p.m. and I started the reverse process of putting things back up on shelves, etc. That took forever. I soaked in a hot tub afterwards because my back was telling me, "WOMAN, YOU HAVE TOO MUCH CRAP!"

Saturday was mowing day. I weed whacked my way all over the yard. I beat my legs up pretty well doing that. I should have worn pants, not shorts. I suppose the scars will give me character! We also went and got groceries and then I made macaroni salad and deviled eggs for the Mom's Day event on Sunday for my husband's side of the family. It was a productive day and I also found a new beer I like. I drank some beers and we listened to Steve Miller in concert on the T.V. and I danced and it was a fun, fun evening. We had the stereo up so loud it blew the head off of one of the ceramic angels I had up on top of the entertainment center. Poor girl didn't stand a chance when they played "Jungle Love" ...

I got phones calls from my children on Sunday (except for the wee one who slept in half the day). We plan on having a combo Mom/Dad day in the future where the kids will come and feed us and carry us around on their shoulders (or maybe just a bonfire). Sunday was a fun day with the in-laws. All of my husband's siblings were together and it was a hoot. On the way home I forced from there I forced my husband to buy my ice cream. So the vacation up until Sunday night had been fantastic.

I honestly feel like I've been on vacation for a month, it has been that relaxing. Doing yard work and doing WHAT I WANT can be very calming for me. Today I dug out the area where the decorative grass is and I put up a wire fence around that area and planted two dahlias. I know it is too early, but I don't care. I will just hope it doesn't frost now. The neighbors got back, from vacation and brought me a cool rock from one of their hikes and a lovely bar of homemade Mountain Berries soap. It smells divine! Jake was so happy his girlfriend was back. He had been missing Sophie for a week.

I am not sure what the rest of the week will hold. I have no plans. I will float with the way of the wind. Or rain. Or torrential thunderstorms - what ever the week may hold.  I don't care. I just plan on 'being'  - and sometimes one can be the most content in their lives when they find a place to just 'be' ...

May 11, 2016
- Today is my 34th year anniversary at work (I mean, were I AT work. I am not. I'm using up vacation time I always forget to use up.) I would have 35+ years at work had I been full time in the beginning... This makes me ponder - am I lazy or just loyal? I choose the latter, but I assume it is the first choice. Working where I work has been a learning experience and I've enjoyed the fact it was close to the kid's schools and close to my Mom when she had to have so much assistance prior to her nursing home time, and just CLOSE in general. I have known of many people who drive hours a day back and forth to work, and I drive 10 minutes. That part of my job I do enjoy - zip zip - I'm home.

Yesterday I went browsing around different stores to find stuff to assemble my fairy garden. It was raining all day. I was not in the mood to actually get garden stuff. I ended up having a nice lady wash and style my hair just so someone touched my head. (I went to a hair place - don't think I just stopped a random lady in the garden store and asked her to use the nearest hose and do my hair....although I'm not above that...) The hair time was the best part of the day. I did chores when I got home. I dragged my husband out to dinner last night and we went walking through Home Depot and Lowes and the like looking for more stuff for Sandy. Nothing except several bags of soil attracted me. I will use what I have and go from there. There is no sun in the forecast this week until this weekend, and I suppose if a fairy garden is going to happen, it will happen in the rain. There is a garden shop/greenhouse a ways up the road that has the coolest fairy garden items. I saw on their webpage last night they have little tubs of beer. I must get that for my Minion Garden. I also have all the critters I've "earned' from the dentist to put in their own area in a fairy garden. I kind of DO look forward to assembling the thing...of course, pictures will follow....

I don't think the steroids are doing anything for me except assisting me to sweat more (and I do that just fine on my own) and keeping me up at night. Oh well - I have to try. I don't think they are helping with the swelling in my ear area nor allowing my ears to drain. However, I've not focused on that part of my body to 'work' with the drug. I think you can do that. I think the brain can work with muscles and things inside of you for your benefit if you just have a concentrated sit down meeting with the whole crew inside. (I am also a 55 year old woman who is fascinated with making stupid fairy gardens and who just spent ten minutes trying to backspace to clear off a period when it was just a goober on the screen, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.)

May 12, 2015 - This morning I planted a few more flowers before the rains came. (Which was just a bit ago - it started raining with a vengeance.) I believe the vacation of 'plant some stuff' is officially over. My allotted funds for the projects have been used up and the fairy garden area is technically done as of last night. (If you are my friend on Facebook, you've probably seen the complete set of pictures for my dreaded addiction to fairy gardening.  For those of you who who do not do the Facebook thing, I will show you a few pics here.) I am tickled on how it came out, but really - why did I spend so much time and money on something only really I will appreciate? Well, maybe it is because I will appreciate it and sometimes that is all you need, right? I will most likely get myself to believe that last statement eventually. The real fact is I have phases of addictions. The fairy garden phase will eventually peter out in the next two or three years. Maybe.

Sandy's Prior 'Addictions'  and / or fetishes - let's review a few:
1) When I was into fish, I HAD TO HAVE THREE TANKS and I learned all a human should know about fresh water tank fish. They were not dying on my watch, by golly.
2) When I found out how to make cheese dip, the family was forced o eat it for six months straight until we all were so constipated for excessive cheese use that we were featured in medical magazines. (Joking, of course. NO magazines - just constipation.)
3) I am and have been addicted to solar lights and the amount in my yard grows exponentially every year until I'm pretty sure I could be classified as a runway at the local airport.
4) We all remember the Spongebob Bathroom motif phase I went through.....

So here are few shots of my fairy garden(s) for your viewing pleasure:

As you can see, I went a bit over board. However, they are adorable and I like them and maybe, JUST MAYBE, I ordered some solar string lights for the two crate displays last I am combining two of my addictions into one! Smile.

I got my schedule for eye surgery today. I AM SO SICK OF SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH A HAZE! I can't wait. I hope it works The eye doctor told me he has not had one failed eye surgery in 15 years. I don't want to start any trends now. June 9th I will be hopped up on goof gas getting a new lens put in. Viva medical advances!

Tomorrow is officially the last day of my vacation. It has been fun so far, and I hope the last weekend will also be full of fun.

May 17, 2016 - Ah, a glorious morning. The pitter pat of rain wants to lull back to sleep. (Heck, we all know I'm a marathon sleeper, so I really can't blame the rain in this case, now can I?) The green outside is just that - VERY green. Spring green. BAM - look at me, I'm GREEN sort of green.

Friday (on my official last day of vacation) I whacked weeds and did push mowing. Since it was Friday the 13th, I anticipated some issues. Indeed, I had issues with the weed whacker! The head flew off once (and it took me a while to figure out how to re-assemble it). The handle loosened up and slid off (again, it took me a while to figure out how to assemble it). I had to change the line three different times in the thing since I tend to whack with gusto. Nothing is safe when Sandy has the weed whacker. I had an incident as well - a wee gnome dude I had at my front tree next to his wee gnome door was severed at the ankles by my insane weed whacking skills. I flung that goober half way across the yard. The upper part of said flying gnome ended up going in one of my fairy garden pots. He looks so at home in there!! I got out pliers and a huge screw driver to attempt to pry up the metal stick that guy was stuck into the ground upon - but I couldn't get it out of the ground. I am sure it has been taken over by roots. So, when life gives you lemons, you take a ceramic bird that has a hole in its butt and shove THAT on to the stick. The bird is now a proud home owner of a fairy door and wee flag that says 'Welcome.'

After I got done spreading death and destruction with the whacker, I did the riding mowing. I had a beer while mowing. I took two beers to my neighbors and we had a beer together. My husband took me to dinner when he got home and I had a margarita (or two). When we got home from supper, we listened to a Queen concert on T.V. and I continued to drink and dance. I drunk texted my kids into the night. Needless to say, I ended my vacation in a rather intoxicated state. Saturday was spent recovering. The whole vacation was a HOOT, though. I did so enjoy being away from work. Honestly, I have never enjoyed being away from work MORE than this vacation. Ever.

I went to my pre-op surgical visit with the surgical nurse and she took measurements of my eyes and we went over the paperwork. I asked questions. I have been fretting about it a lot. I am not sure why. After speaking with her, I did feel better about cataract surgery. I discussed it with my friend Kathy, who h as also had it. I've talked to everyone I know who's had it done. May I say, MAN, HOW THE HELL ARE PEOPLE WITHOUT INSURANCE SUPPOSED TO AFFORD THE EYE DROPS?!  With insurance and the discount cards from the manufacturer, I will be paying 35 dollars a piece for each bottle of drops. That, my friends, IS A BARGAIN compared to what people on Medicaid or Medicare would have to pay! (They can't use the discount cards from the manufacturer when it is government sponsored insurance.) Sigh. Just unreal.

I am concerned that we've not had any thunder boomers to speak of so far this spring. Yes, I am probably jinxing myself by saying that. Normally by mid May, we are in thunderstorm season. Of course, we all know climates change and nothing is certain. (I will just stop wondering where the storms are because it would be my luck we'd have one and it would be my turn to be severed at the ankles and flung across the yard...)

May 24, 2016 - I've been back to work a full week and two days and I have nothing exciting to talk about. I get to work, so that in itself IS exciting, right? I like where I work, so I have that going for me as well. I plan on getting an oil
change next week, so HOLD ME BACK, I'VE GONE WILD! OH, yeah - we met the new head of IT for the United States from our parent company today. He seemed nice. Of course, it was only his second day. Let him get the feel for the place. He might run screaming.

I got my 'beer' for the one Fairy Garden that has Gollum and his girlfriend and his friends over for a bonfire. I think it is quite funny (which obviously proves why I am not President nor Pope).

They little neighbor girl comes over and helps re-arrange the fairy gardens from time to time. She likes to put the bunnies on the benches and the plastic cats in the koi pond. It keeps me on my toes. Smile. I have two little pots that are dying so I need to re-do those. I think I am just going to do a diorama since that is the whole point of the fairy gardens - I get to play with toys. I am sure you will all be chomping at the bit until I post a new picture eventually for that, boy howdy.

I just spent ten minutes attempting to take pictures of all my solar lights outside but I couldn't get a proper photo for you. Please, don't be sad. I shall try again. I may have to have someone who can SEE take the pictures. Sigh. (Come on June 9th! I hope the removal of the evil cataract goes well...)

Oh, my friend Sue got me a present!! She got me a golden retriever with a butterfly on its nose for my fairy garden!! It is so cute and looks like Sophie, Jake's girlfriend. Just Adorable!!

Oh! Another exciting thing!! Last Friday I went to the bathroom whilst at work. (That in itself is not that exciting, really. I go potty at work a lot, especially if I drink coffee.) I took my phone with me. I set my phone on the toilet paper holder so I could drop my drawers and take care of business. I missed the toilet paper holder. In slow motion I watched as my phone flipped off and over  and smack dab on the metal chair leg in the girl's bathroom. The screen broke. Sigh. (I used to pick on the kids a lot because they went through screens and phones like I go through chocolate. I now see how it happens. One wrong move in the bathroom and that's all she wrote. Sigh.)

I made my sister go to the phone store with me last Saturday to see if they could fix it. They don't do repairs, but the referred me to a place down the road from them that does. The guy said, "But I'll tell you right now, they can't fix THAT." He told me I had more issue than just the screen. (Of course he would tell me that, right? There in front of him is a prospective sale...)  I looked at a few phones and there was a cheap Samsung Galaxy J3. I bought that phone. I am getting to know the new phone. However, I prefer my old Window's phone cell phone. I am still going to take it in to a repair shop to see if it can be fixed. (I am using it now as a small tablet to read emails and news - YES, IN THE BATHROOM - the screen is screwed up, but I can still see things on it.)

So besides throwing my cell phone around in the air like I just don't care and playing with toys in dirt, nothing here has changed. I may have gained weight, but no one needs to know that, right? I guess I'll get ready for bed now. Writing all this boring stuff for you to read has worn me out!

June 2, 2016 - June already? Cripes. Time is relative, and there are times my relative time moves like a three year old after drinking a can of Coke right after he had a good, long nap.

They have Bon Jovi singing in DirectTV commercials. I have never been a big Bon Jovi fan. I do not own one CD, cassette, or record with any Bon Jovi music. I won't turn off one of his songs if it is on the radio, mind you. I just don't feel the need to buy his stuff. But I am once again digressing.... The DirectTV commercials when he's singing and then looks at the camera? My first thought when I saw that commercial was, "Bon Jovi looks like Dr. Smith from Lost in Space!!" I keep thinking this, so tonight I thought I would do a side by side comparison. Maybe I am right a little? It's the smirk / mouth and nose that reminds me of Dr. Smith, I think. Nonetheless, your friend in Michigan thinks of 'Lost in Space' now every time she hears Bon Jovi. Go figure...  It dawns on me that if you are young and read this blog, you won't have a clue what 'Lost in Space' is/was. Sorry about that. I calls 'em as I sees em. 

My catnip was not coming back like it normally has in past years so I bought more plants to plant, thinking I would correct this obvious over site by my flower bed and Mother Nature. As I was watering tonight I happened to notice that the new catnip plants were obliterated - severed off at ground level. Sigh. This explained a lot of things concerning Rocko the Cat as of late. He was wanting outside every six seconds the last few days and he was constantly hungry and he was very social with us compared to his normal self.  Rocko has been a nip head so it seems. Sigh.Today he's been in the same spot since I've been home from work, sleeping like a baby. Stupid drugged up cat hippie cat. I complain about Rocko, but he did bring us the BIGGEST mouse I've ever seen in my whole life. I even sent a picture of it to my neighbor and my daughter because I couldn't believe it and had to share the fact. Rocko was just spread out on the cooler ground outside of our front door looking quite casual and the HUGE dead mouse was on the welcome mat. Pretty sure he was thinking "Yeah, I killed that. Brought it to you. Enjoy."

Speaking of drugged up - one week from today I will be recovering from being drugged out after my cataract surgery. My cousin wrote to explain how his surgery went and it sounded exactly like the explanation I got from my eye surgeon. All of my friends who've had the surgery also say it is exactly like they say it will be. I know it will go well, but of course there is always that one little part of yourself that will worry no matter what the rest of yourself tells that little part. All I know is that writing this blog now with the white background makes EVERYTHING get all misty and foggy looking. I want this cataract taken out with extreme prejudice. I am tired of seeing the world through the haze of a White Diamonds commercial.

I've not heard from my kids a whole lot as of late. When my wee one is silent I tend to think it is because he found a woman. He always drops off the face of the Earth when he finds a girlfriend. My oldest is out on the road as a semi driver. We will all get together at the end of the month for a Mather's Day gathering. We have been combining Mother's and Father's Day the last few years. I decided I am letting them ramrod the whole event - get the meal or bring it in and plan the whole kit and caboodle. Their father and I will just sit back and bask in the glory that is the fruit of our loins.

June 6, 2016 - We seem to have a yard mascot. The other day I saw something out back and I really couldn't see it well enough to tell what it was... Since it was brown my first thought was, "Oh goodness, there is a small deer and/or bear and/or buffalo down in my back yard!" The thing was flailing around - THAT much I could tell. I went and got the binoculars. Turns out it was large turkey taking a dirt bath in a mole hole. I have never seen a turkey in my back yard and we've been here 31 years. After the turkey had a good roll around in that little dirt pile, he meandered off out back towards the field. My husband saw him again yesterday when he was out grilling. "Hey, there's a pheasant!" he yelled in at me. "No, trust me, it is a turkey!" I yelled back. I have binoculars and I know how to use them...

As I sat lounging on Saturday early evening, I noticed out the front window the neighbor dog, Lucy, shoot down the road. "Holy Crap, Lucy's loose!!" I announced to my husband. (He did not seem too concerned. I believe I heard a grunt emit from him.) I got up to get some dog treats to go help the neighbors get her corralled. When I was looking out the back door as I stuffed my pocket full of dog biscuits, I saw Steve (their other dog) and Lucy (in hot pursuit of Steve) run directly into the road in front of a truck. "OH MY GOD!!" I yelled as I ran out the door. (Still not any big response from my husband besides audible grunting.) I was able to do interpretive dog dance and lure them into my yard. I got Lucy in to the backseat of my car by throwing in a few treats. Steve, however, was so happy to be free he had to run a few times around the yard before he came up for a cookie. I opened the door to the house and Steve went in and I opened the car door to let Lucy in as well. I lured them through the house and out the back door into the dog pen with treats. Then I sat out there making them sit and be good while I fed them and I texted my neighbor's phone. I believe the text was 'ARE YOU HOME? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It wasn't long after the vague text that her husband came over. "Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you!" he said as he ran over. "My buddy left the back door open. I told him not to do that!" he explained. He got Steve by the collar and Lucy followed them both back home. 

Cut to Sunday evening - I am talking to my BFF in Florida and we are having a nice conversation when all of a sudden there is Steve outside of my front door, paws up on the screen as he looked in for a second before he ran off again. "I HAVE TO GO! STEVE IS LOOSE AGAIN!" I yelled at my BFF. (I sure hope she figured out that Steve is a dog and not some deranged neighbor guy or the monster child we kept locked in the attic.) I ran and got dog treats and went out the front door. (Really, I should just keep dog cookies in my pockets at all times, now that I ponder it...) Steve was in loop mode, running in a spastic fashion around our house. It is not hard to enjoy him running like that because he runs with such happy abandon and the look on his dog face is pure joy. He saw me with a wide open door and in he ran inside, looking for his treat. I ushered him out to the dog pen. I was worried Lucy was still out there running around, but I did not see her. I fed him treats as I stared at the neighbor's house wondering why they were not coming to get him. Well, it was because originally Steve has taken off to the east and they had all piled in to the car to go hunt him down. (When Steve heads east, he can get to the next major road over before they can stop the boy.) While they were driving around looking for Steve, Steve was enjoying a nice nosh in my dog pen. Finally the came back and I flagged them down. I explained how he knocked at the door and that was a good thing. I doubt they were happy with Steve. No sir, not happy at all....

Count down to "Trust a Complete Stranger To Strap You To a Table and Rip Out Your Right Eye's Lens" Day. Sigh. I am not worried. Really. Well, sort of. Just like I was sort of not worried to have someone take a rock out of my bile duct or to have someone cram a camera up my anal area or to have my gall bladder out. I try to approach these types of things like I approached pregnancies - you exist outside yourself until the event is over Seems to help ease the worry. Plus I'm pretty sure I have my husband convinced I can't bend forward for like a week or lift anything, ever  - so it might be a lovely spa kind of postoperative recovery week for Sandy. Smile. (Hopefully he doesn't read the paperwork that is right here on my desk and figure out that I may be lying a little...) Bwahahahahaha.

June 7, 2016 - I am getting rather nervous about Thursday morning, but after looking at this screen with the black and white then the horrid haze that develops when staring at it too long, I can't WAIT to have that cataract ripped out. My friend Deb at work said today, "I saw you at lunch and I waved and waved, but then I figured you didn't see me!!" Hahahaha. She was have been correct. I will be happy when I don't have to concentrate so hard on driving down a damned road I have driven down at least sixteen million times, give or take a few million.

At this point I keep cleaning my reading glasses thinking it's THEM that is grossed up, but then I realize it is ME that is grossed up. All of my family, friends and kind souls who have heard tell of the upcoming cataract surgery (and have had the surgery themselves) tell me the same thing - "You are in an out in no time" or "It is over with like BAM" or "All you will remember is a white light..." My suggestion to myself is NOT to go toward the light. Smile. I have taped up several signs that say, "Don't bend over!" to remind me. I am constantly bending over. It will take a concentrated effort NOT to do that. My husband has been instructed that starting Thursday, he is the official bender. I have to remember that the 'happy juice' they give me will be a mini vacation and just look forward to enjoying that.

Rocko my grandcat has decided my shelf where I keep dishtowels and small towels is now his official place of sleep. Apparently sleeping in and on the 89 dollar cat tower has lost its thrill with Rocko. I will have to find a better place for small towels. This is a small house and the space to store things is limited but how can you say now to a face like Rocko's? He has calmed down a lot and become a lot less lovable again since he devastated my catnip plants. He is going through withdrawals.The other night he was sleeping by my feet and I accidentally touched him and he bit me. (He did not get down, he just let me know that I had violated his personal space.) I have to get a few new plants so he has his 'weed' so he turns back in to Mr. Lovable again. I don't care if he's a niphead as long as he act like he loves me again. Hahahaha. I will have to fence up the nip with some screen and make it a controlled cat substance or he'll just go nuts again. I would rather he go nuts in monitored doses.

Rabbits are eating my petunias. I love bunnies, but I wish they would eat the maple seeds instead of my petunias. Oh well. They don't seem to be attracted to the dark purple ones. Maybe I will get a few more of those and replant. If the cool pink and white striped ones are gone, maybe they WILL eat dark purple. We shall see. The pansies I planted in memory of my Mom are just going NUTS. So pretty. Tons of happy pansy faces all over the place. I have never had a batch of pansies last so long nor do so well. Maybe it's the cat poop fertilizer...

June 8, 2016 - We have a group of four young squirrels that rampage around the front bird feeders, knocking over gnomes and my decorations. I don't mind that so much as I do the other young(er) squirrel who TRIES to play with them and share the joy, but the older ones ignore him and chase him off. I witnessed with MY OWN EYES as he took out his frustration on one of my little pinwheels by a gnome door that is on a wooden stick. The turd head chewed and chewed on that until the pinwheel came off. Sigh. Kids. YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!!  I send Jake out to spook them whenever I see them out there, but it does little good. He runs out, trees them, and runs back for a dog cookie. "See that? See that right there? I almost had all five. I could have gotten them too..."  Jake, he tries. Someone also broke one of my humming bird food feeders. Really People!!  Why can't we all get along?

I went to get a pedicure today and my hair played with. I'm still nervous as a bunny on a coffee I.V. steady drip. My husband will be so HAPPY when this procedure is over and I finally SHUT UP. I've been talking non-stop for two weeks.

June 10, 2016 - So, they all were right - you don't realize how bad your left eye will be until you get your right eye fixed. Wow. Just Wow.

The surgery went well. I did, however, get scolded by the doctor about moving my eye. "Look Down, Sandy" he would say, then I would see more pretty colors. There were like two rectangular columns and one round one that I could see, and they would change colors. Every color of the rainbow. I would look at those colors. I would get scolded. Finally the surgeon told the anesthesiologist to "bump it up a notch" because I was being a bad girl. I will apologize to him today when I see him for post op. visit. But come on, THE COLORS.

I am typing this right this without glasses! That just dawn on me! WOOT. I just went out to look at colors and flowers. I can't bend over to look, but MY GOSH they are so pretty!! So many awesome colors. I promised my husband I would shut up after the surgery (because I was so nervous for two weeks or so prior and have talked non stop) and guess what? I have not shut up SINCE the sugery! Now I have to explain to him every fricken color I see and all the clarity of everything. Sigh. Face it, I just am never going to shut up.

I do have questions for the doctor today. Why is my pupil the size of a BB when my left eye is wide and normal? Why is there a slight crescent shape I see in my right eye. (I would assume that is the cut mark?) I want to verify that lights will cause a sharp super nova effect for a while, as well.

So - so far so good. Twenty four hours later, and it is still a thumbs up on the option to get this done. I do, however, miss bending over. One week of not doing that. I will survive. Smile.

June 11, 2016 - I went for my post operative appointment as stated above, and the doctor did indeed have to explain about moving one's eyeball during such fine, precise surgery. "A matter of one millimeter could ruin your site, Sandy."  He said I was a problem from the beginning, and that is why he had to keep bumping up the "juice" they pump in to you to sedate you a bit. Sigh. I did not mean to be a problem, really. THERE WERE JUST SO MANY COLORS TO LOOK AT!!  I was able to read the letter chart to the LAST LINE, though. I was marked as 20/20 vision on my chart. WOOT. Just a while ago I couldn't even READ THE FIRST LINE with my right eye! Woot.

I was watching a science show last night and was quiet for a while, listening intently when my husband finally said, "It's quiet. Why is it so quiet? What is up with that? Are you asleep?" I hit him.

Today I have to go find more tape to tape on my eye patch at night. (The eye patch is a transparent plastic patch that you can see through and it has air holes. Apparently sweaty old women are no match for medical tape.) I found my eye patch on my chin when I woke up at 2:30 to pee. Sigh. You have to keep it covered at night since you tend to do odd things when you sleep and they don't want you doing said odd things to your new bionic eye. Right now the pupil remains tiny like a small BB and I see the starburst effect when I look at lights. The doctor said that will eventually go away. The line I see is from the eye getting used to the new lens, he said. That, too, will go away he said.

I had my husband haul the hose around for me so I could water. I am sure dragging that hose is more that 20lbs. worth of pressure, so I can't do it myself. I can stand there and water in the general direction of the plants. The weather man had promised rain every day since my surgery and has failed miserably in said predictions.

This morning my husband changed the bulbs on his truck, and took Jake for a ride around the block to test them out. When he got back, I heard him say, "Yeah, come on in everybody!" The neighbor dogs had made another break for it. Thank goodness they know to come to the door for treats! We got them in the back pen and the neighbor came to collect them. I would much rather they come here and ask for cookies than get hit by a car in the road!! Speaking of which.... We also saved a turtle. My husband said he was almost in the yard when he left to take Jake for a ride, so he didn't worry about him. However, when he got back and mentioned it to me after the dog rescue we saw the turtle going back to the corn field. I made my husband rescue it and take it all the way across. There are several trucks around these parts that fly confederate flags that would have made a point to run over that turtle. Possibly for lunch?  

June 13, 2016 - I was going to complain about not being able to lift over 20 lbs nor bend over and such, but Hey - I can SEE, so I won't complain. It is just hard not to weed the flower beds or scoop cat litter when the mood hits me. As we all know, if those things are not done the world itself will come to a screeching halt. I have appreciated my new bionic eye so much, though. I've seen deer across the road and KNEW they were deer and not just a blob of moving somethings and I have enjoyed the hell out of the high definition of the TV. Seriously, who knew? High definition TV rocks!

I had a bit of a panic attack on Saturday night. I was seeing some odd things in my right bionic eye, and remembered what the doctor had said, "...if your vision changes, CALL ME!" so I started to panic. I freaked out, to put it in a mild way. It took me a bit to realize what I was seeing was my own eyelashes. I assume that my right eye had not seen them for so long, it forgot what it was looking at and finally I talked my self out of a total meltdown. Geez, human brains. Go figure. I was convinced for a moment my eye surgery was ruined and my eyeball would explode.

June 15, 2016 - MY PORES ARE HUGE!! HOLY CRAP. I am sure they have always been huge but considering that I've not seen them for a long time, DAMN!! Would it not be the most awesome thing if each of our pores were a wormhole into a new universe? (Gosh, I need a life....)

It is raining. Finally. Now. Thunderboomers and rain. We SO need the rain. The yards around these parts are turning orange-ish from being dead and all. We need a long run of steady rain. I say this, knowing someone in Texas said this recently  - wishing for rain, and when the floods came they regretted their statement deeply.

I visited with my neighbor last night. She works full time and has two young kids and her husband does contracted construction work out of town. She is a trooper. She showed me her new solar lights and yard decorations she got. I was pleased. She is coming along well with her solar light acquisitions. She is my solar light Padawan. She also got a few gnomes to guard her steps and flower bed. Yes, Yes! COME TO THE DECORATED FLOWER BED SIDE, YOUNG ONE! Smile. The winner of yard decoration is my neighbor Sue, who has the coolest stuff. I LOVE watering her flowers. It is like a mini-vacation. So many pretty things to see and water. Contented sigh. I always feel peaceful inside when watering Sue's flowers. I feel peaceful watering any flowers. I think that is how it is supposed to be - grow stuff and get a gnome / feel peaceful. The sad part is putting all that crap away at the end of the season...

I would comment on all the violence in America lately - wait, CONSTANTLY, but what is the point?  I see the debates on Facebook about who is right and who is wrong and everyone blames the other factions. I have come to the conclusion that it is just the human race in general. We think we are better than apes flinging poop but we ARE APES FLINGING POOP, technically, just a more aggressive and upright version. Sigh. I regret bringing kids in to this world who will have to deal with it all. I know in my heart that we will get our comeuppance soon enough when we either blow each other off the face of the Earth or a meteor/comet does it for us. In the mean time, I mourn humans who try to control or exterminate other humans. Just so sad....

June 16, 2016 - I thought my freckles were fading. I've noticed lately (since I can see and all) that MY FRECKLES ARE STILL THERE - just mixed in with sagging old skin other things on my face that I don't know what it is... I decided I look a lot like the Jabba the Hut version of the Wendy's red head girl.

We had a storm I think last night. My house is an OLD cement brick house. I wouldn't even hear a herd of rampaging elephants with AK47s if they stormed over me in bed at night, so I really didn't know it was storming until Jake the Dog came down from upstairs and crawled in bed with us. He hates thunder. It was then I saw the tons of lightening to the east. This morning I saw rain on all the windows on every side of the house. The rain was confused. I am grateful, however, for the rain no matter how disorientated it was.

I get to see my kids this weekend and next. They've all be quiet and I've not heard much from them. I suppose that is a good thing. Back in my day we never contacted the 'rents unless we needed something. I expect more from my offspring, I think, because now we are a digital society and they could send a text saying "I'm not dead" but really - as long as they are happy, I am happy. When I see the neighbor dealing with her wee ones, I also think, "Thank God that isn't me..."

It has been killing me not to bend over and clean and weed. I've said this before no doubt. I am grateful for the new excellent vision. A week ago I was looking at the world through milk glass. Now I can see that there are a million things behind chairs and a ton of dust up there or over on that and such. Ugh. If you don't want to obsesses over dirt, don't get the eye surgery - let me tell you. I've also noticed that this year every window frame seems moldy. I think it is because of the unique weather we've had this year. Nonetheless, there is a ton of cleaning I want to do once I can put a little pressure on my eye again. Next post op visit is this coming Monday. I feel bad for my left eye who has bore the brunt of guiding me through the world while the right eye just stared at a glare. Now it wants to be clear, as it also has a cataract issue, but last I was told it is not bad enough to have insurance pay for it yet. PLUS, I don't want to be stuck NOT being able to do stuff again for a while. Wear sunglasses, kids. That is all I have to say about that. Sunglasses and sunscreen. Eventually the Sun will be the death of us all....

For some reason coffee tastes so good this morning... I've had two cups.

June 18, 2016 - I ponder back why I started blogging. I started in 1999 to deal with the loss of my Mom. My Mom was the ultimate martyr and I didn't want to end up like that so I started talking to myself. Blogging on line helps keeps me honest and after a while, it turned out to be years of therapeutic expression. However, I tell about things that others have said, "Oh my gosh, I have always felt that way!" or "I was worried about the same thing!" and the like. Then it dawned on me someone has to say things sometimes. My parents gave me no clue about sex or pain or panic or politics or ANYTHING when I was growing up. Sometimes the fear, panic, humor of one person also helps another. If you hear from me that a colonoscopy can be a bucket of fun, you won't maybe be so scared? If you hear me talk about years of debilitating panic attacks and such, you will maybe know you are not alone if you have those things. (Everyone has those things, by the way.) Plus, it is my 'legacy' to the kids. I can't leave them money when I go but I can leave them laughing and pondering life a bit. Then when they are going through some stuff after I'm long turned in to adorable ashes, they can smile and say, "Well, Mom did it, I can do it." Maybe that is why I talk to myself so much in the blog. I stopped it for about a year and took down. I did not upload 1999-2014 when I started back up again, since really, who in the hell wants to read that again? I am also just so fascinated about things like how my brain works and how humans are and such, that I had to talk to someone, even if only to myself. Publicly. Knowing it is all stored some where on some sever somewhere until the end of all things digital is a bonus, I suppose.

This morning has been fun. Lucy came over to get a cookie. I adore that dog. She came and "knocked" on the door and I let her in and she got her cookie and out she went with her prize. Jake likes Lucy, too. They do the butt sniff dance and it makes me laugh. Round and round they go... I also see the biggest hawk on a fence post back at the field behind us! I know it's a hawk because I CAN SEE IT now!!

My go to person when I worry about post-cataract surgery is my friend Sarah who has had so many issues with her eyes. Yesterday at work I had a sneezing fit and tried to stifle it because I was worried I blow out my eyeball. I asked Sarah. "Oh, Good Lord woman, you can sneeze! Your eye will just fine!" she said. I told her I worried about tearing my retina and she said, "I think you are safe." Sarah had a torn retina once. It is not a fun event, from what I have heard. She had that before she got her cataract surgery and then more laser surgery on her eyes. I asked her, "Do you think I could have a couple of beers Friday night after work?" She told me she stopped at the bar on the way home from her surgery. Hahahaha. My oldest has panic seizures over eye related things, and I can see why he feels that way now. Any little change in vision or a new feeling in the bionic eye makes me panic. "Did I blow it up?" "Is my lens popping out?": "Do I have an infection?" "Is it hanging by a nerve?" Sigh. Humans. Last night both of my eyes were so irritated that I was convinced I was going to go blind. They felt much better, however, after I forgot all about them at the grocery store and came home and relaxed for the night. Shopping is good therapy, even if you are just buying kitty litter.

Last night I was out for the "Last Chance to Poop" outing with Jake. Rocko was outside with us at the time. He walks around with me when I survey my domain in a cocky manner, saying cat things like, Yeah, I patrol this area - you are safe" or "Yeah, that's where I got that mouse that one time - you remember that thing, don't you?" Jake was out sniffing around pine trees and such when here came a deer through the back yard. She was fairly close to us considering. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Jake. Rocko looked at the deer and I knew he could see it as his tail started that 'cat twitch' thing and he kept looking at the deer, then at Jake, back at the deer, back at Jake. I know he was thinking, "Come on, Dude. There is a large creature back there! Do something!" When Jake remained totally oblivious to the whole situation, Rocko took it upon himself to crouch down and stalk the deer. Hahahahahaha. I could barely contain all of the noises I wanted to emit. I told Rocko to "go get 'er, Rocko"  and when Jake heard that, he turns and gallups up the front of the yard towards where the squirrels usually hang out. Who needs TV when critters are so darned entertaining? When I came back in the house, Rocko took up point watch on the picnic table. He wouldn't come in with us. I called him several times before I went to bed, and still no Rocko. He got up in our bedroom window at 12:35 p.m. meowing to come in. Ugh, Kids.

I am convinced that even when women have entered the phase of sweating to death constantly (or the gentle way of putting it, "change of life") that we still go through cycles. Right now I'm in a a good cycle. I am sure part of it is being able to see clearly again which just hands me reams of amazing things to play with in my mind. If I were a rock musician, this would be the time to come see one of my concerts because you would see the best damned concert ever...that sort of feeling is what I have.

I am excited to see some or all of my kiddos this weekend and for sure all of them next weekend. I am excited to see the granddogs, too. (This is why I won't leave my kids any money when I die -  because I have to buy cool dog toys for the granddogs to rip up in 3.6 seconds. Smile.)

June 20, 2016 - What a fun weekend!

I came home early on Friday from work and found my husband home mowing. A surprise, indeed, as it had been planned to mow on Saturday morning. We had pizza and I had a beer while he finished mowing. My daughter and soninlaw and the granddogs got here about 9 ish. They reheated their pizza and we sat around and talked. Toph, the newest addition to the puppy family, is such a cutie. She has sure calmed down Zora, the husky. Rocko brought us a mouse, too. (Mind you, Rocko would not have brought a mouse to share with us if he had known the "kids" were coming. He was NOT happy to see his nemesis Zora in the least bit.)

Saturday was spent getting the dogs wet in the kiddie pool that Ron and Sue gave us. My husband and wee one cut up two dead branches off our dead spiral willow and the wee one hauled it back for Mather's Day Bonfire that is next weekend. Now the old tree looks like it is flipping off the neighbors, due to the configuration of the remaining limbs. Then we found out my oldest was close enough to join us, being in between semi runs. So my daughter went to get the boy and we ended up having a whole family supper. It was a hoot. I bought meals all weekend so I did not have to cook, so it was all easy for me!! I think this pleased my husband to no end to have the whole fam-damily home for Father's Day. We all went to breakfast (except the wee one, who did not wake up in time) and then the kids went on their way. 
When we went to breakfast Sunday morning, EVERYONE IN THE GREATER TRI-STATE AREA WAS TAKING THEIR FATHER TO BREAKFAST. Places were packed. We were lucky to get a table at a diner in town, thank goodness. Once we sat down they started to get people in by the droves, so we timed it perfectly. They had to turn people away, they were so full.

Rocko, as I mentioned, was NOT happy that Zora was here. He ended up in our care because of Zora. Zore would hound him and chase him and corner him. Rocko likes it here now. He can go out and chase deer here. He has his own perches that are his perches only. He can spread out on the cool kitchen floor and we gladly step over the boy. Rocko - .he has come to love us and appreciate that we appreciate him for just being HIM and he did not want ANYTHING to do with my daughter or soninlaw. My soninlaw tried to pet him at one point and Rocko hissed at him and made it perfectly clear that he did not want to be petted. My daughter had to rescue Rocko on Saturday night from upstairs from Zora and Rocko hissed and scratched and screamed all the way down the stairs in my daughter's arms. Rocko has 'beefed' up since he's been here and will stand up for himself now. I kind of like that cat... Hey, free mice.

I actually feel happy and contented and rested to start this new week. I am letting the kids do everything next weekend. That is the plan at this point. Dad and I will just bask in the glory that is our children once again. We'll see how that goes. Smile.

When we went to breakfast Sunday morning, EVERYONE IN THE GREATER TRI-STATE AREA WAS TAKING THEIR FATHER TO BREAKFAST. Places were packed. We were lucky to get a table at a diner in town, thank goodness. Once we sat down they started to get people in by the droves, so we timed it perfectly. They had to turn people away, they were so full.

Today I have my second post-op visit for my eye. I hope the doctor says I'm all clear to bend and pull weeds and such again. I hope it is healing well. I sure have enjoyed the last 11 days of seeing so clearly. Even if I went blind tomorrow, I had 11 kick ass days of vision.

I kept meaning to mention how they did the cataract surgeries on the day I went in, so I would assume this is how it is done in most places - it was staged like O'Hare airport - all these people are 'on deck' and getting prepared for surgery and they take you down and you sit outside the operating room and wait your turn then when you are done and they wheel you out, there is another one waiting and so forth and so on... I was just amazed. Apparently my surgeon will go all day doing this, where other (the nurse said) do half days. Just amazing. By all rights and my calculations, he could do three cataract surgeries an hour. "Prepare for take off..."

June 21, 2016 - I got the all clear from my surgeon yesterday. No eyeball restrictions. So last night in the heat I tried to water my flowers and weed. I have lost the weed battle. If you let it go two weeks, you might as well just put up the white flag. Sigh. It dawned on me that I have more 'real' grass in my flower beds than I do in my yard. Technically my yard is made up of buckhorns and clover. I see very little grass in it IF you don't count the flower beds... I woke up this morning all snotty and pollinated even though I took a shower after my yard escapades. I will attempt more weeding tonight. We are due for "real" weather on Wednesday by the sounds of it. Maybe even a tornado! Something to look forward to, I suppose.

The bad thing about being able to see is noticing how horridly dirty our house is. I was under the illusion that I had kept the house pretty clean, but I was wrong. The 60 tons of space debris that fall to the Earth every day have been building up in my house. I have evicted many spiders.

I saw Rocko casing the wood pile next door. He is out for a thrill kill now, no doubt. Give a cat a yard, and he brings you dead things, I always say. I wish he'd worry about OUR yard, however, but hey - he's being a cat. Cats will prowl the neighbors wood piles. It is what cats do.

June 22, 2016 - Nothing says 'love' like writing the word POOP all over your husband's truck in the morning dew. Just sayin'...

I had a good laugh from my daughter this weekend. She had taken a shower and she said she looked for my electric roller hair dryer brush, but couldn't find it. She said, "So I had to pioneer it and us the hair dryer and a round brush!" Hahahah. "Pioneer" it? I am still chuckling over that one. Doing dishes by hand is also "pioneering" it, I bet. Smile.

We are supposed to get storms today. Real storms. Winds and the whole nine yards. I am going out shortly to put my fairy garden thingys down on the ground so they have less distance to fall if it does become windy. I don't care about the house or the rest of the stuff in the yard, mind you - I just don't want to lose my fairy gardens. Hahahaha. (I have priority problems maybe?)

Rocko brought us yet another mouse that I found when I walked outside to set down my fairy garden stuff. I stepped on the poor dead thing. Ick. I am posting a picture of his first real "kill" since it is almost like putting the first picture your kid drew with crayons on the refrigerator. The first one was the biggest so far... I dolled it up a bit to make it not so gross, but LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING! Very proud of that cat. He is still very 'city kitty' like and freaks out as if having a schizophrenic episode when he gets burrs in his fur, but other than that he has come a long way.

June 23, 2016 - Ah, I am so talented. I have to share my adventure tonight.

I was running around the house tonight doing chores. Since I am off restrictions, these chores included cleaning the toilet which was just a horrid mess and doing laundry and on the way back from the laundry room, I scooped up the slobbery dog water dish with every intention of cleaning it and refilling it. I don't know what happened...I either slipped on the rug or slopped a bit of water and slid in that, but me and all my bulk hit the slippery spot and slid a bit and down I went. The drooled in dog water went all over my kitchen as I was headed downward.

It hurt. It hurt very much. I was sort of trapped between the stove and the sink cupboard when I went down - there was not a lot of room to fall, really - not for someone my size. I tried very hard to go down gently. My knees decided, however, to try to bend themselves in directions never intended for knees to bend. I let out an audible yell, "Dear God" as I hit the floor. I did not want to faint too much which was a plus. I ended up on my butt and got my legs out in front of me. I thought for sure I had popped both knee caps.

My husband was out there by then to see what I had done. I asked him immediately for two ice packs. I pressed the ice on my knees as I felt them to see if they felt broken. I moved my legs about and bent my legs and stretched out my feet checking everything out. While I was doing muscle inventory, my husband got old towels to clean up the water explosion. He helped me up off the floor when I gave him the all clear. Ouch. Really, I was sure my feet would be pointing backwards when I stood up. Sigh. I have ice on my knees right now to keep them from swelling too much. THEY WILL SWELL, I can tell this as a fact. They might bruise, too. This is how you slide into Friday..Ah, getting older - you have to worry about what will disintegrate when you fall... We're all only one wipe out away from using those scooter carts at the grocery store...

Last night we got rain, and lots of it. Right after it started to thunder and lightening, there was a LOUD bang and the power went out. I'm sure it was a direct hit on a transformer. There was no flickering, just BAM - no power.It got hot in the house fast. We tried to doze in our lazy boys, but it was too hot, so my husband got the generator going and hooked up a fan in the living room. We slept for a while in our lazy boy chairs until I couldn't stand that any more. We moved the fan to the bedroom. Neither of us got a lot of sleep, that's for sure.

The dragonflies are out in droves. I adore that - they are eating mosquitoes. I feel like I should tip them. The bats are out at night too. I am not so fond of the rabies aspect of bats, but I do love that they eat bad buggies.

I suppose I should go nurse my boo boos and get ready for bed. Viva tomorrow. I will no doubt be moving very slowly.

June 29, 2016 - My knees don't appreciate that I threw them in the air like I just don't care. I had a chiropractor appointment this morning until they cancelled because the doctor is sick. I was so looking forward to him checking them out. He was able to fix my leg and arm after I fell at my wee one's graduation in 2011. I can get in on July 7th now. Ugh. I have been using ice on the knees and hot baths to cope with their temperament, but I do not blame them. If I were my knees, I would pack up and move to the Caribbean. When I retire, I really want to do a cartoon about the life of an old person's body parts. Really. I think it would be a hoot.

Tonight is Girls Night Out (said like an announcer at a motor speedway) so I am sure that will raise my spirits a tad. I love my herd of high school girlies. Each of us have had such different lives, but we remain the same "core" of ourselves. (I know what I mean here, but not sure how to phrase it.) I suppose to make it simple I could say, "We Rock" and that would also be true. We gather every few months for a dinner and laugh loudly and scare babies and then that fills us up until our next herding. If I am any indication, it won't be long before we are pulling up to our meetings in mobility scooters....

I took my car in to the Ford dealership last Friday to get a new tire. I had one tire that had a slow leak. Thanks to the wonderful coworkers at work, the would alert me to the fact there was a low tire. They look out for their Sandy. Since it was leaking slowly for a while, I just wanted a new tire flat out (giggle) but the guy said they would check to see if they could fix it first. Cheaper, yes. What I wanted, no.

They called later to say they took it off, cleaned out all the fix a flat I put in it, looked for leaks and couldn't find any, and just remounted it and sealed it up and put on a new valve stem. I asked if they had checked the pressure AFTER letting her sit a while. They had not - and said they would. I picked it up after work on Friday and drover he home. Saturday morning she was flatter than flat. I called the dealership and expressed my angst and they said they would replace the tire on Monday. I had to wait until almost six p.m. for my tire on Monday, but they were kind enough to just charge me for the tire only - no labor and such. Cars, who needs 'em? (I wonder if mobility scooters get flat tires?)

The kids were home for "Mather's Day" weekend last weekend. My oldest son, the semi driver, came home with sicker than sick. His fever was 102 when I took it and he couldn't chew or talk or swallow well. He attempted to gargle with salt water. We got aspirin in him and made him rest. The poor dude. We went ahead and had the bonfire, but it was lacking the oldest, so it was not as fun as normal. My daughter took the poor boy to immediate medical care on Sunday morning. He is on antibiotics and from what I've heard, he's feeling much better. I think it's a tooth infection, but then again, there is a strain of upper respiratory crap going around these parts too - so who knows. All I know is no matter how old your kids are - YOU NEVER STOP WORRYING ABOUT THEM!!!

My daughter wrote her Dad and I such heartfelt cards. She wrote a lot in them. (She is a writer, by nature. Her writing flows like water.) She explained the impact we've had in her life and told us how much she appreciated us. They were very moving sentiments. My soninlaw cooked us the BEST steaks ever on the grill. Yum . The kids cleaned up after the bonfire as well. They gave us a lovely Mather's Day weekend treat. Plus, they took care of their older brother, too. I have awesome kids.

July 3, 2016 - The other day I ran home for lunch, and the FedEx guy was here. He was parked in my normal spot. I pulled off to the left and greeted him and we talked for a second and I went in the house. When I went to the door to let Jake out, I said loudly, "Who the hell car is that?!?" Well, it was MY car - just parked in a different place. Duh. That made me laugh all afternoon. Senility - so it begins and/or continues - I can't remember which.

When I was outside with Jake, he was going from mole hole to mole hole on a Easter egg hunt of sorts. Rocko the cat saves himself tons of time by using mole holes as toilets. Jake has learned there are gifts left for him in mole holes. Sigh. There was also a blue jay outside that sounded very Australian. He would call "Ba-ird, Ba-ird" in a Australian accent, I swear. I told my husband that night, and did the call just as I heard it. "Um, OK. Good for you!" and he walked away. Sigh. Am I so alone in this world? hahahahaha

It has been a productive two days so far this weekend. Yesterday my husband went up to his brother's house up north, and I was going to get to mow the lawn for the first time since my bionic eye surgery. I did some push mowing (but not much due to my knee injury after falling on the 23rd) and I did some weed whacking (again, not a ton, but some around the house to make it pretty.) Then I got on the riding lawn mower and put on my radio head phones and started to mow. I was in heaven. Mowing and rocking out - my old fat self and I. I got some of the lawn done, but I cut it too close to the willow tree and caught the blades on a protruding root. The blades stopped. I flipped them off, raised the deck, and just drove back up to the house. I knew I had killed it. I was near tears. (The last week or so, I've been so close to crying for no reason. I was ready to cry. All I wanted to do was MOW THE DAMNED LAWN!!!!) Sigh. I decided to water the flowers instead. Then my sister came over and I felt better. I was showing her the tree and such and found a huge chunk of wood on the deck of the mower. "I had better hide the evidence..." I told her. Hahahahaha. When my husband got home, he showed me I had just bent the blade. "Easy to fix, but you are buying the new blades." That seemed very fair.

This morning my husband took me to breakfast. I had a delicious banana pecan pancake. Yum. Then we went to turn in bottles that have been storing up since Christmas. Twenty one dollars worth of returnables. That paid for half the cost of the blades! Woot. When we got home, he put on the new blades and off I went, happy as a hummingbird in a field of sappy flowers. And do you know what??!?  I COULD SEE WHERE I HAD MOWED! My new bionic eye worked like a high def machine. I almost drove through the neighbors yard because I was fascinated with the line of trees off in the distance. They were so CLEAR and 3D looking! Woot. In a way, I wish my left eye was considered bad enough for insurance to fix that too. I will have to be patience and let time and old age work their magic!

July 5, 2016 - My neighbors Ron and Sue and I volunteered to watch the neighbor's doggies, Steve and Lucy,  while they went camping this last weekend. (Ron and Sue did both morning's duties. Bless them. I don't think I've slept in like that in a long time.) The dogs are adorable. They enjoyed getting one on one human attention. They were slobbery balls of love. Sunday night when we were taking them home, I let Steve, the large dog, pull me down. Steve is very strong. Steve is very full of life. Steve can go very fast. I did not have the leash pulled in - I let it go as far as Steve wanted to go and he decided to gallop and I went down. Bam. I lost Steve when I went down, but Ron got him, thank goodness. Steve would have run forever had he realized he was loose. The yard was soft and I was not hurt any worse than what I was from my last fall in the kitchen, so no harm done. I texted an update about the dogs and told the camping neighbors about the incident - that Steve the Dog took me for a trip as it were. (I wanted them to know what the large crater was in their yard from my impact.) I also texted them that I was going to use one of our heavy duty leashes after that. (I can wrap it  around my wrist and arm and keep Steve right next to me.)

The camping neighbors came home today and came over to talk and asked if I was OK. I told them I was fine. Their son came scampering up and said in a concerned yet learned voice, "You know that leash is retractable!" (When he said that, I'm sure his parents had said that after they heard I fell, that I should have retracted the leash so the dog didn't do that to me. He was just repeating knowledge he had gained.) I told the wee young boy that I know that the leash is retractable but it didn't help me much now,  did it? Children - they are the most honest people on this Earth. Bless their wee souls and ability to articulate.

I got in some new bath bombs today and I am getting ready to go soak in a hot tub to ease my sore knees. I can see my chiropractor on Thursday morning. I look forward to that with every bone in my body. He will be amazed at all the noises I'm going to make when he adjusts me. You may all hear it too - so fear not, it is not an earthquake.

July 8, 2016 - Saw the chiropractor yesterday morning. He had to start at the bottom and go up since my neck was so messed up he couldn't get it on the first try. I had him examine my knees and bones associated with said knees and he said my leg bones were all where they are supposed to be so I realize the pain I have is muscle pain and I just have to buck up and take it like a man. At work I played with my chair and elevated my leg while working and it seemed much better last night. I slept well, at least! If you don't want the pain, DON'T FALL ON CEMENT FLOORS my Momma always used to say. (Not really, but you get the idea.)

My soninlaw marched in his Master's graduation yesterday! Woot. He doesn't get his real paper degree until he finishes his thesis, but that will be soon. My daughter's graduate thingy should be done by next spring. They could start their own practice. They will also owe the government money until they are dead, but whadya gonna do? I am proud of my babies.

There is a massive herd of red-winged blackbirds in my maple trees out front. It is way early to be herding, yes? Maybe it is just like a motorcycle gang of sorts, but with feathers. Maybe they know something we don't know... Nonetheless, the bird feeders out front will no doubt be empty when I get home from work. Marauding birds have to eat, too.

What is going on in our country? What is wrong with you people? WHY ARE HUMANS HUMAN? Stop killing each other! Sometimes I hate the media and I hate knowing about everything in real time. Would all this happen if there wasn't the glory of being on the news LIVE? Ugh. If I was asked today by an alien if I were part of the human race, I would lie and say I was someone's pet then go poop on the carpet and drool a lot to prove it. I am at a loss to understand why anyone would think killing other humans was "OK" and called for in any way. I can't wrap my small brain around that concept.

July 11, 2016 - Rocko has ear mites or something, as he has been babying his right ear the last two days. I have used some medicine I had from before on him. He was outside so I just went to get him to doctor him, and when I walked out there was Rocko in the backyard holding his ground against a male sandhill crane! (To be honest, my first instinct was to run back in and get my camera, then I realized there would be no way Rocko would survive a beak attack from a bird as big as THAT, so I went out to shoo off the birds instead. However, I feel it would have made for an excellent picture...) The pair of sandhill cranes started cackling once I walked out there but the male was STILL in attack mode. Rocko had no obvious clue he could be impaled on that huge beak. I shooed them off and Rocko stood there for a few more seconds, then came running at supersonic speed towards me. (I am sure he was grateful I intervened!) He came in, I doctored his ear and I explained to him he does NOT have to defend us against birds larger than a sparrow. (The cranes did come up to the bird feeder later, which was awesome. They've not done that for years now...)

It was a nice weekend. We got to dog sit our grandogter Toph, who is a Catahoula Leopard Dog mix. She is a damned sweetie. So easy going. She played with a tennis ball by herself for a half hour straight, scooting it with her nose then throwing it in the air then rolling on it, and repeating the process. My daughter and soninlaw had reunion to attend. When it came time for bed, Toph was right up there with us, all snuggled in. Even after the kids got home later, she came downstairs and slept with us. My daughter submitted her outline for her dissertation last night, so hopefully it is accepted and she can go forth and begin. It would be nice if she could finish this by next spring and "walk" to receiver her doctorate. She is soooooooo close....... Sunday morning my husband was supposed to help my soninlaw out by being a test subject for his thesis, but my husband decided he was going for a impromptu four hour motorcycle ride instead. Sigh. He ditched the boy. At least my soninlaw's parents had friends over yesterday that could help out.  It had to be a person who could not read music, else I would have done it. I think I could still read music after all these years. C?

I mowed on Saturday morning. My husband went up to go car shopping with my wee one, so I had all that free time. What better way to spend it than mowing? I was very careful I did not bend any blades this time. I love mowing with the radio headphones on. It's like two acres of private concert time. I did very little push mowing, though. My left knee and slightly my right knee still hate me and let me know at every opportunity. I should break down and go to the family doctor this week, I suppose. Maybe I have a ripped kadoodleplop or kiggiger and liquid is building up inside my knee somewhere on my left? All I know is, I'm way to young to be put down for a leg injury.

I had my last post-op eye exam with my cataract surgeon. All clear, they said. No more drops, they said. Woot. They did mention they can't recommend my left eye be done yet since it isn't bad enough and I can still read well with it, etc. Sigh. I hope that it goes bad quickly so I have matching bionic eyes and would be  able to see the world in super high definition. That would be grand. Not many things on one's body gets BETTER with age, so this better vision is a treat I don't take for granted.

Working a full week this week will kill me, I'm pretty sure. Having a short week last week spoiled me. However, I will go forward and just deal with it since I'm addicted to paychecks and all. My mood has not been the best. I get so sad then angry then happy then angry then sad. I would like to blame it on female cycles, so I will. Somewhere in my inner self things are still trying to be, well, things. I am not pleased with this whatsoever. My patience level is near zero with myself and everyone around me.

There are more women than men in the front offices, so there are times the girl's bathroom is occupied and one of us will use the guys potty room. I was the chosen one on Friday. I had to pee, and there was no waiting. I went in to the boys room and plopped down to pee. I noticed, in the corner, a spider web with a small piece of toilet paper in it, as if they were flying a flag. I burst out laughing. HOW COULD ALL THE BOYS NOT SEE THIS? I know they don't sit to piss, but come one - I know for a fact the poop! The person in the girl's room stood there when I came out and asked if I was OK. I told her, "You've got to see this! The spider is flying the flag of his people!" and I dragged her in there. Then I showed H.R. and then I showed the boys. "How could you not see this?"

Women, I have come to the conclusion, see a lot more detail in life than men ever could. It is one of the perks of being a girl and one of the downfalls, too. We see TOO MUCH
and obsess over TOO MUCH as opposed to our male counterparts. I let the spider's freak flag fly...

July 13, 2016 - Working a full week is killing me. Arghh.....At least I am not out in this heat. Kudos to all of you who have to deal with this oppressing humidity and heat and earn a living in it! Viva You Guys! I decided this morning when I walked outside in the fog that if I started a rock band at my age I'd call it 'Cataract Haze.' (My bionic eye sees the fog in 3D, mind you. My left eyes just sees what it normally sees and asks me, "What fog?")

We had two burst of storms last night and got some MUCH NEEDED rain. It cooled it off by two degrees, too. After the rain I was antsy and went out and shot some pictures on my Windows phone. (I love the camera on that thing. I wish I could find someone to fix the broken screen. Sigh.) Most of the flowers were beaten down by the rain but I got some good shots of the balloon flowers and some petunias. The mosquitoes were out in force and were attacking, so I did not stay out long. When mosquitoes find me tasty, they are desperate! Normally mosquitoes find me the one item on the buffet table that no one touches...but I digress. I had a hoot meandering around the yard taking pictures until I could stand the blood letting no more.

I have an appointment with my family doctor to feel up my knees today to be sure I'm not exploding them. I fell on the cement kitchen floor on June 23rd and am still in recovery mode. When you get over 50, it takes so much longer to heal up. I know now why my mother dreaded falling. My sister falls a lot now. I fall now. My husband turned his ankle in a mole hole a few weeks ago while push mowing and wiped out. My friend Deb bit the dirt after falling off her porch. Maybe after 50, we should all just crawl around like animals to save ourselves. I would highly recommend it, although to be honest I would up the crawling requirement age to 55. The force of Earth's gravity shoots up on a human body at 55 and above, pulling out the urine at the oddest times - making a female trip over their sagging boobs, and by hugging forcefully and repeatedly by pulling you down to ground level. Either we start crawling or get ourselves some strong bubble wrap...

My daughter only has 79 days before her wedding. I am not counting. She is counting. We get to babysit Toph when they go on a honeymoon. I am not sure if that is right after the wedding or when they can afford to go...we'll see. My neighbor told me last night that Steve the dog got out of his crate yesterday and ate half the house. (At least on my watch he only ate a box of Kleenex.) Poor Steve. All doggies chew, this is true. I wonder how you stop them from eating furniture? They have chew toys out for the dogs, so it is not for the want of something specific to destroy. I remember all of our dogs going through that phase. Sandy the dog ate my daughter's retainer and her favorite doll. Sparky the Dog scooted her crate over and ate the leg off a kitchen chair once. I am sure all the dogs we had consumed something that made me either cry or yell or sigh heavily. Owning a dog is like child birth - you try not to remember the bad parts and just enjoy the end result.

July 15, 2016 - Scenes from a marriage of 36 years... you hear a voice from the bathroom saying, "Oh, yeah! We had corn last night!" and then you hear the flush. (By the way, that was me saying that, to no one in-particular...)

My morning glories have done poorly this year. At first I blamed the weather, but I'm pretty sure I found the issue...It is hard to grow when there is a cat that sleeps on top of you....

I had a good crying jag last night after hearing the news of the bus that plowed through a crowded street in France. That could have been any one of us in that crowd, out with our families to celebrate and watch fireworks. I will copy and paste what I put on Facebook last night. Normally I say nothing about how I feel (really feel) on social media (well, except HERE in the blog and only three people read this) so it was out of character for me to vent on line.

Normally I do not vent about issues of any kind here on Facebook because there are so many issues in the world where would I start and what is my opinion anyway in the big picture of things? I don’t care if you own a gun and I don’t care who you vote for… I just mentally plead with everyone by telepathic thought that people will at least research choices before they do anything and love thy neighbor…

However, tonight I’ve reached a breaking point – the news breaks in to show horrid pictures about a mad man who drove through a huge crowd enjoying fireworks just because that mad man believed other crazed idiots who encouraged him and others to do such horrid things?? He can’t think for himself? He can’t reason? Human life meant nothing to him? The people who goaded him on to do this act  - they actually believe they are doing the work of God???

There is no God, no matter your faith, that would approve of such behavior...

There is no God who whispers in the ear of His believers to go out and intentionally obliterate other humans….

I cried. Not just because my dear friend Jenny lives in France but I’m sure that was part of it. Then I was mad, and I was almost happy when they said the driver was dead. I felt I could have killed him myself!! Ugh.

VIOLENCE BRINGS ON MORE VIOLENCE. Humans are not that bright. It has been demonstrated to us day after day after day lately. As my friend Jeff has said over and over again, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

I don’t understand how any color or any religion or any race or any HUMAN could feel it is justified to kill another human. This concept eludes me. I am devastated by this thought. I brought kids in to this world and I regret it at times like these… “Here, kids – here is a world where the human inhabitants will eventually annihilate themselves, not even waiting for a proper asteroid to do it for them! A world where everyone thinks they are right so it cancels everyone else out who think they are right and no one is right and the only logical thing to do is to kill each other, obviously!”

I am not looking for comments or any responses. I just needed to scream to the world… Go out tomorrow, and do good things. Don’t kill anyone. Help someone. Go out tomorrow and be a candle in this dark, dark world – please.

I felt better after venting, but still am ever so sad today. I want grand babies, but I don't - I don't want my kids to bring another human into this world. Humans cannot control themselves or be sensible. I would have to tell a grand child that monsters are real and they are human. Sigh. Humans have become a pack of rabid wolves.

I have a sandhill crane couple coming up to the bird feeders again. Finally. After several years of being crane free. We used to get the couple that would bring their babies up to eat and rest in the shade out front. I missed having my birds. I fricken love birds for some reason. I am going to post an old photo I took out my front window when the original couple came up to eat. He was RIGHT THERE. I could see the hole through his beak, he was so close. I often wonder if this is one of the offspring from that couple - they remember where there is food, after all. I am just happy they are back.
They original cranes stopped coming around when there were neighbor kids next door that would chase them with sticks... 

I am ever so happy it is Friday. Why? I have no clue. Maybe it is because I get to mow tomorrow? I am not sure. I just know I am happy it is Friday. I made salsa Wednesday night to take to work per the request of my coworker James - it is his Birthday today, but half the plant is gone today, so I took it in yesterday. I love fresh salsa. I eat it like soup from a bowl. Yum. He enjoyed it very much. I also took in a cake as well, because it isn't a Birthday until someone cuts the cake.

Go forth - do good things. Don't kill anybody.

June 19, 2016 - I got my first gladiolus out of the flower bed! She is orange with red inside. I am amazed how the colors can be different from year to year. I always feel guilty for going out and cutting them just so I can enjoy them in the house. I feel like a murderer. I argued with myself for quite a while on cutting it, but my need to see it and enjoy in the house drove my killer instincts to win. I have two more budding that I can see so far. Woot. Those too, will be murdered for my own enjoyment.

Well, the lawn did not get mowed this last weekend because the Troy-Bilt threw a transaxle, apparently. (I am not sure what that is - all I know is half the lawn was mowed and the other half continues to grow lush and green and rain forest like...) My husband started shopping for a new John Deere because as we all know, nothing runs like a Deere. We should have gotten a Deere back when he settled for the Troy-Bilt, if you would like to know my opinion but my opinion did not count back then. He agrees with me now, however. Our old John Deere that we got in 1986 or so was the best ever. I could mulch a city down with that thing and it kept going. We got the Troy-Bilt back in 2009 and it has had multiple belt replacements and a myriad of other complications ever since. The old Deere was given to the brother in law and he is STILL using it!! Sigh. (He did offer to sell it back to us...) He is buying a Deere and a snow plow for said Deere and he's giddy as a little girl. (Once his fixes the Troy-Bilt, I assume that tractor will be MINE because I won't be able to get my hands on the new Deere until the thrill wears off for him.)

I just heard the cranes outside making a ruckus. The neighbors put their dogs out to do doggy business so the cranes had to let everyone know. They are always up by bird feeder as of late when I leave for work. They let me know every morning I am driving by THEIR bird feeder. Cranes are so loud.

My husband just called me from work to warn me about a "mass suicide of skunks" on a main road he drives down in the morning. I told him it sounded like the Jonestown of skunks. There is apparently a whole family that was wiped out by some unfortunate driver or drivers. I am not taking that way to work.... Peeeeew!

I came home last night to a bouquet of purple gladiolus from the gladiolus farm south of town. My husband went past there on the way home and saw they were out. I love glads! I put my orange glad - the first one of the season from my own flower beds, in with the purple dudes. Such pretty flowers.

I have not slept very well for several nights. I am not sure why. I am tired at night, but falling asleep however has been a challenge. My knees are getting better and better, but they still put up a fight after I get in bed to get comfortable. Then I toss and turn. Last night the full moon lit up the house like a search light, too. I am not necessarily worried about anything that I am conscientiously aware of... I doubt I would have any issues falling asleep right now and sleeping all day, though!

July 20, 2016 - Ahhhhhhh...Paydays! Gotta love 'em.

What a ruckus this morning at my house. First, there is some scent outside that is driving Jake crazy. He wanted out late last night and this morning he was intent to find what it was as well. I'm not sure what he was smelling. I smell wet grass and corn, personally. Then Rocko went out and a while ago he decided to approach the sandhill crane couple in the back yard. He brought us a sparrow last night and I can only imagine what he's thinking... "Yeah, I have brought them mice and little birds, but wait 'til they see THIS!!" Sigh. Sandhill cranes are God's own ADT systems. Rocko would not win a battle with cranes. I worry about him but the birds raise such a noise that I was able to stop the impending attack. Then Lucy, the neighbor doggie, chased the cranes right off the property! Then she, too, smelled the 'something' like Jake and spent a while sniffing the air and going in circles. If we are all lucky, there is a skunk in my burn pile and THAT is what they are after... A girl can dream.

Oh, speaking of sandhill cranes, the couple was out eating from the front bird feeders yesterday morning and I looked out the window, and the female was just knocking the bird feeders all over the place to get seeds out! Hahahahahaha. I wondered why the one feeder had a bent handle, so now I know why. Because a huge bird was pecking it to death! I love watching them drink from the bird bath, too. They get a mouth full of water and bend their head back to slide it down. Quite the sight. I'll never get sick of that, but I would prefer they leave the feeders intact... It is time to get them ears of dried corn, I can see that now.

The heat is supposed to increase here for the rest of the week. I know it is NOTHING compared to Florida where my BFF lives. She has heat and humidity that would flat out kill me off. For Michigan, though, the heat will be extreme and evil. If you have elderly relatives near by, be sure to check on them. Heck, CHECK ON ME! If you find a sweaty blob of fat in the street, PICK ME UP AND PUT ME IN THE FRIDGE!!

My husband makes it very clear I have the "cushy" job while he is out in the heat. He is not getting younger and the heat really floors him sometimes. I remember being in the factory setting where the heat would get to be 125 in the shop. You just sweated and sweated until your bra ate through your rib cage and you lost sixty two pounds of liquid. I do have a cushy job now. I am not ashamed of that. My bra rarely if ever eats through my rib cage anymore.

We went out last night to buy our new mower.  We are now proud owners of a new John Deere lawn tractor. My husband also got a snow blade and chains for the tires. As I said before, it will be a LONG time before I get to use the new John Deere to mulch the yard up in my own special way. I hope he fixes the Troy-Bilt soon. There are things in my yard that need to be run over. I posted this little cartoon years ago, explaining how I mow. Enjoy!

I have been finding pennies everywhere I go lately. A lady once told me "When you find a penny, someone who has passed and is on the other side is thinking of you!" Well, someone is thinking a LOT about me, so it seems. I have respect for pennies. I will collect the ones I find and put them in my piggy bank. I have a bank full of loving thoughts from lots of dead people. (I love you guys, too, by the way!) Now that I ponder it a bit, the penny extravaganza didn't start until after I told my daughter I wished I could call my Mom...

July 26, 2016 - There are three mourning doves outside that are all singing at the same time but are just a quarter of a beat off from each other, so it sounds rather eerie. Mourning dove reverb of sorts. You can see them all in the dead pine tree at the neighbors. The VonTrapp family of mourning doves.

Yesterday I plowed through lots of butterflies while driving. This was not my intent, of course. They ran right out in front of me. It seemed odd that so many butterflies were so suicidal on the same day. Most of the kids were home this weekend and my oldest drove his semi cab here. He told us that he noticed at all the major truck stops the birds are numerous and hang around to eat all the dead bugs in the grills of the trucks. I never thought about that until now - that WOULD be like a bug buffet for birdies. Semis suck up a lot of bugs. Splat.

My daughter and soninlaw left Toph the puppy with us to babysit whilst they were out and about Saturday night. Toph was not happy being left here this time. Between my husband swearing about the dog barking constantly and the dog barking constantly at every tiny noise, not much sleep was had on Saturday night. As a former mother of young children, I've learned the fine art of sleeping through noise that is not a cry for help per say - the white noise of wee ones - and the kind you can ignore. Apparently my husband doesn't have the built in knack. He does have the amazing ability to have tizzy fits and throw the "F" bomb around a lot, however. Toph ended up pooping all over the kitchen and laundry room and pooping with gusto at that. She was a stinky little whipper snapper, she was. Jake does NOT like Toph. She tries hard to get him to play or at least just bond with the old man by licking his drool and such, but he is just like my husband and I'm pretty sure some of the sounds he made at Toph were the dog equivalent of "F" bombing. Sigh. Jake tries to lead Toph off to the back of the yard and get her lost out there so we keep Toph on a leash when outside. Toph got her first experience with sandhill cranes. She was amazed. She woofed a little, but mainly just stared in wonder at the birds. In that aspect, we are alike. I stare at them with wonder, too.

Tomorrow we get the new John Deere lawn mower. I am glad. The grass is high and in dire need of a mowing. I hope he decides to try it out right away and get to know her by mowing the yard. I will gladly do the push mowing and weed whacking if he just mows down the forest of buckhorn plantains and clover which make of 90% of our lawn. (Although the flowering clover supports a huge population of honey bees, I notice. I don't mind supporting that cause.)

The last bill (I hope) for my part of the cataract surgery has been paid. The fact I could see the bills to pay them is worth the paying in itself! I hope that by next year my other eye is bad enough to get it done, then I will be a happy camper with two bionic 3D eyes.

July 28, 2016 - Jake and Rocko wanted outside, and I let them out. The cranes were at the bird feeder. Oh, the ruckus! Jake knows not to bother sandhill cranes. Rocko was smart this time and took cover under the picnic table. I believe he sees the sense in sticking to sparrows. After Jake and I came back in, there was a knock on the door. It was Sophie the Dog, coming to get a morning cookie. That always makes me laugh that she 'knocks' at the door to come in.

The new John Deere arrived yesterday afternoon. I told my husband I expected the lawn to be done when I got home from work, and by golly, IT WAS! It only took him 1.5 hours to do the whole yard!! Amazing! And ONLY A HALF TANK OF GAS FOR 2 ACRES!! Wow. When I got home I saw the mower in the yard and when I walked in the house I said, "Oooooooo, there is a Deere in the yard!" and my husband started to get out of his chair to see the "deer" as it were... I told him to sit down, it was a joke. He finally got it. We will have fun with the "deer" thing for a while until it gets very old, like it did last night....

I watered flowers for my dear neighbors and they bought me a present as payment. I wish they wouldn't think they had to pay me. (I love these people. I would water their flowers any day of the week) Sue and Ron got me a peace pole Woot. With birdies on it. I love it! The cranes were not even spooked by it this morning. Sue has gotten me the coolest lawn stuff. You should see her yard, it is so pretty.

I went to the chiropractor this morning early. If you schedule for right away in the morning you can get away with NOT wearing a bra and you get a much better adjustment without a bra in my opinion. (I kept typing 'bar' at first - maybe it is a subliminal thought on my part.) Plus there are not too many small children that you would normally scare if the "girls" were hanging low. I needed an adjustment in the worse way. It felt good to get cracked. He checked my bum knee and adjusted that too. The tendon was not thrilled, but now the whole knee feels pretty good overall. That tendon will just take a while to heal since my June 23rd spastic leg mambo fall.

My sister stopped by last night to get some doctoring on her elbow which had just been stung by a bee on her way home. We talked outside while one single rain cloud peed on our heads. It was kind of cool. Then we got to see a rainbow form. It was a weird rainbow, due to where we were viewing it - no curve to it - just a diagonal straight line of color. I will take a rainbow no matter what shape it is in, though. Very pretty.

Standing in the rain with my sister made me remember when my daughter was a baby and we had had a long run of drought type weather 'round these parts. Finally after months and months of heat, it rained and my oldest and I went out with the baby and danced in the rain. That was so fun. It is a happy memory in my mind.

July 29, 2016 - I forgot to mention that when we were at the store buying the new John Deere, there was a sprite of a girl ahead of us buying moving boxes. She was a walking, living pixie doll! (The picture I am inserting here kind of looks like her...) She was pale -  no sun ever laid a hand on her skin, and she had on the most adorable outfit. She had many piercings on her face, and the cutest hat. She also had never, ever touched a razor in her life. Her leg hair was impressive. Maybe she was a modern day hippie? All I know is she is moving to Chicago (and should have moved by now) and I wished her much luck in her endeavors. That image of her has stayed in my mind and helps me remember all people are different. Short or fat or tall and pale or hairy or is all good. I have gotten to that age where I will talk to anyone and everyone in line at a check out counter. I am thinking it is an "age" thing or a senile thing on my part where I just can't shut up. Most people are so happy to talk. There are times you can hear a person's life story before you finally get the cat food on the belt, and it seems to please some to be able to vent. One small act of kindness....

Yesterday morning I looked for my reading glasses for 16 minutes before I found them hanging in my cleavage. They had been with me the whole time. Derp! I can see how this 'growing older' thing is going to go with the years. Last night on the way home from grocery shopping I asked my husband if we were supposed to have rain. "Showers..." he said, "Random and widespread" and I replied, "RANDY'S WIFE IS DEAD?!!" We chose not to hear each other very well anymore, I suppose. In ten years, if there is ever a fire and we have to evacuate the premise in a timely fashion, one of us will have to do an interpretive dance to get the other one outside because obviously we won't hear the screams...

I had my credit card compromised the other day. Apparently I bought someone in Maryland a nice tool set from Home Depot. Very generous of me, I think. I check my bank stuff every day due to all the security breaches and hacks in the world, and I'm glad I do. Caught this one right out of the gate. I still have to dispute the charges, but I got my card cancelled right off the bat so they don't use it again. Sigh. All of our lives are now out in the big wide world of the web just waiting to be stolen. Even if you do not do ANYTHING on line, your information is already out there because some doctor's office or government agency has been hacked. Makes one feel secure, doesn't it?

Last night, I talked to my BFF who lives in Florida. She is sick. She sounded snotty but amazingly sexy all at the same time. I had been thinking of her all week in a strong way, so I called her. Her humor and my humor are a bit different, but when mushed together we're like peas and carrots (if I may quote Forest Gump) and I always feel better after talking to her. I often wonder why people are brought together and if it is really "by chance" or not - I think she and I were brought together because we NEEDED each other.

July 31, 2016 - It's not how fast you mow, it's how you mow fast. My husband has been spewing that forth since he bought his new John Deere, and I believe it now!! It had rained so much since Thursday, the yard needed mowing again. My husband did the front half, then came in and told me I could do the rest. He warned me about driving over anything large. He warned me about a million other things. He really was worried I would break it. His new mower, left alone with me - the madwoman of mowing - I can sympathize with his fear. He said I could pick up where he left off today while he and Jake went to get gas. He drove off, I got on and I couldn't get it to run for the life of me. I got it to move six feet. "Oh, Good Lord, he's gonna kill me..." I sat at the picnic bench waiting for him to come home. As far as my small female brain could tell, it was nearly out of gas. When he pulled in, I told him it needed gas. "IT DOESN'T NEED GAS! IT HAS A FULL TANK!" he claimed. He stomped over and had me show him how I was attempting to start it. "Well, you are doing it right..." he mumbled as he was puzzled by the fact it kept shutting off. "It needs gas..." I mentioned, but again, he pointed to the gas meter and said, "IT HAS A FULL TANK!" He finally figured out what the issue was - he had jury rigged the button that notifies the engine that the rider has fallen off so the engine stops immediately. The jury rig job came undone so it was just stopping constantly. He fixed that and off I went. Oh, my - she drives like a dream. The turning radius is near perfect. The seat is like a luxury car! I made a few passes on the mower and once again it died. He came right out. 'Now what did you do?!?!" He figured it was the jury rig job again, so he flips the seat up and realizes that the MOWER WAS OUT OF GAS. Hahahahaha. "Gee, what the hell do I know?" I mumbled as I waited for him to fill it up. He left me alone after that to finish mowing the yard. Really, she drives like a dream, even if I don't know what I'm doing on the thing!

The weekend was very productive, I must say. Yesterday after we came home from breakfast, I sat here thinking about taking a nap but decided the house needed cleaning more than I needed a nap. I have not really cleaned the house with any effort since before my cataract surgery. So, I cleaned. The house was ever so dirty. There were live bunnies on top of the ceiling fan, I swear. There were hairballs the size of Rocko in the bathroom corners. It was not pretty. I also washed all the bedding and the mattress cover and the comforter, too. I dusted the pictures up on the shelves high up and I cleaned out the light fixture in the kitchen that had its own collection of dead bugs. By evening, I was sore and tired. I soaked in a hot (clean) tub to ease the pain. My left knee was not happy with me. After the bath, I made potato salad for today's supper. (I made a normal big batch and sent a big tub home with my in laws when they came over today...) I have pork chops in the oven now and corn on the cob boiling on the will be a nice supper.

August 1, 2016 - There is a slug on the front door without a shell of any kind, just moving slowly on the door leaving a slime trail as he goes. I don't have the heart to take him off the door. He's gone so far and I feel like he deserves to carry on. Go, slug - go.

My glads are blooming in the flower beds to beat the band. I don't plant things that need a lot of attention. These are the glads I got from band fundraisers a LONG time ago that choose to come back on their own. I don't assist them in any way. They just show up every year. Now those types of plants I can grow! My husband brought me a new bunch of glads from the glad farm, and it had the most unique colored flower in it. When he brought them home, it was nearly all a drab purple-ish color, but now the flowers have the prettiest pink in them as they bloom. So cool. I just love my glads. Did I mention I love glads? I love glads!

My boss left me a stone on my desk. He saw it on the ground and he knew I needed this stone. It looks just like the head of E.T. He was very proud of himself that he spotted that. I was happy to have such a cool rock. I printed out the body of E.T. and put it with my rock. Looking up and seeing E.T. near me at work makes me smile every time. Most girls want jewelry... I want dirt and rocks. Smile.

The charges from the item I so "generously bought" for the person in Maryland who stole my credit card info finally hit my card activity yesterday, so today I have to call my card company and have them dispute the charges with Home Depot. Sigh. I thought by the sounds of it Home Depot could stop the shipment and charges, but they failed miserably. The fight continues. At least I caught it right away and had the card cancelled so they couldn't do any more damage with the card. However, they get a nice tool set to sell on Ebay or the like. Sigh. GET A JOB, YOU BUTT MUNCHES.

August 4, 2016 - The Keurig coffee maker makes a lot of sounds that my body can relate to. In the morning it is like Dueling Banjos around here with the sounds my body makes vs the Keurig. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... thippppppppp... thwapthwappffffffffft... Quite entertaining if you are a cheap date such as myself. The Keurig needs cleaning and I need a new body, obviously.

Last night in bed my hair kept blowing in my face due to the fan and all, so I finally pulled it all up into a bun that was apparently too tight. The top of my head is still in a bit of pain from that wise move on my part. I have been massaging the scalp a bit to relieve that. I hope my hair forgives me. I doubt it will though. Lately I've been looking more and more like a female Sammy Hagar in the hair department.

All of my kids are having car issues right now. A mother's belly can hurt worrying about her chicks, even adult chicks. My oldest - his car needs a sensor or something, my daughter has a transmission issue or cruise control issue, and my youngest has no car because the last one we gave him in December finally bit the big one. I think back to the early days of my marriage and remember all the crappy cars we had to drive and all the times I broke down with kids in the car and had to wait for my husband to come to rescue us. I feel for the kids. I have been there and done that over and over again...

Coffee tastes extra good this morning. I am always amazed at that fact. Some mornings I just have a cup and other mornings I have several. Odd.... (sorry, was just thinking out loud there and my fingers kept up with my fingers know the danger in doing that but sometimes they get cocky.)

I watered flowers last night and it was rather hot out. It was OK if you were not moving, mind you. The flowers were happy. I REALLY need to plant new posies in several little beds as the pansies are all committing late summer suicide and the petunias are out to a foot long to bloom. I will go to a green house tomorrow and see what they have. Plus I can look at fairy stuff, too. Win Win. I have enough fairy stuff, mind you. I doubt I would get more. My sister in law was shaking her head at the fairy gardens when she was here last weekend. She and my husband exchanged some verbal comments about my obsession issue. I go in phases as my whole family can attest.

There was a baby shower at work yesterday and there was SO MUCH FOOD. Of course, in my effort to NOT offend anyone, I had a little of everything several times over. If there is one thing our company can do, it is put on a potluck like nobody's business. I think we should publish individual event cookbooks, though... There are so many tasty things you want to make yourself. I swear every potluck brings out more wonderful dishes. Burp! I was quite sleepy yesterday afternoon after the potluck. I got up and went to the bank about 2 p.m. just to wake myself up. Didn't need to go to the bank, but getting up and driving a bit helped.

My BFF has been using her Facebook account (I hope it is her and not a hacker!) and this thrills me. I have posted to her page over the years, even though I know she didn't participate in FB activities. Now she does, and I can bombard her (like I do everyone else) with useless bits of information. I am sure she will appreciate that to no end. Like any social media or media in general, one has to take the good with the bad and ignore the idiots and choose with news or information they view. Right now with the Presidential race, everything is ripe with crap. I choose not to participate in that kind of crap. I try to stick to things that make me laugh loudly - the fun crap. When it comes to the media, I am sure they are publishing all this crap to divert our attention from the fact that we are invading North Korea or China or something. As humans, we are easily distracted.

My knees are slowly recovering from the June 23rd attempt to detach my legs at the knees. I still have to mentally remind my legs to bend when I walk and not try to impersonate Charlie Chaplin. Sigh. As you get older, things don't heal or recover like when you were young and could fly off a swing set from a scary height, face plant in the grass, knock all the air out of your lungs, pass out, and get up to do it all over again. Sigh.

August 8, 2016 - We never trained Jake to respond to whistles so in the morning when I stand out in the yard whistling for him, it is an effort it futility on my part. The only thing Jake really understands is "cookie" and he knows that word well. I should just stand outside yelling COOKIE!!! COOKIE!! Even I would come to that yell.

I had a vacation day on Friday and it was a marvelous day. I slept in until 8:30 a.m. but I woke up with a hot dog hangover. (My husband was raving about the hot dogs at work on Thursday for the Employee Recognition Day cookout so mentally I decided I, too, wanted hot dogs. So I took him to a diner that had hotdogs. I ate two chili dogs.) My liver, who is the main deliverer of bile to the stomach now that my gall bladder left on bad terms does NOT appreciate anything with a fat ratio higher than the national debt. Hot dogs fall in to that category. Friday morning I was feeling it, to say the least. Once I got rid of the hot dogs and had my coffee, I felt much better. I took a shower and went to get my hair played with. Oh, it was divine. The girl that did my hair did it WELL, and was tipped heavily. I left there all relaxed and worried I might be pulled over for a DUIHT. (Driving while under the influence of hair therapy.) After that I went up to a green house and walked around their remaining plants. It was hot in there. I sweated so much my pretty hair turned in to my normal hair - curls galore. I did score some awesome flats of marigolds to take the place of my dying pansies in several flower beds. Then I went to another green house down the road from there and got a HUGE petunia potted plant for 5 bucks. I came home and replanted the two flower beds that needed it so desperately. I got totally dirty and I love getting dirty. I am the female version of Pig Pen.

In the front bed I started pulling out dead and dying pansies when a garter snake decided to join me in my efforts. I can't remember the last time I saw a snake in the yard, to be honest. I got the hose and soaked down the bed with cold water hoping to inspire the snake to leave. He/She did not want to leave and just stayed there getting a car wash. I went and got my three pronged rake type thing to pull out the rest of the pansies. It is not so much that I am scared of snakes but the deeply embedded caution of such things as snakes in my genetics that made me jumpy. (Yeah, that's it...) Once I got the old plants out, I did dig in to the dirt to plant the new ones. Where the snake went I have no clue. I do know if there are snakes they are there for a reason and they are eating mouses or the like, so they are doing me a favor. I did not kill him the slithery dude.

I dragged my husband to the farmer's market Friday when he got home from work, and we got some soap from my Soap Lady and a dozen ears of corn from a nice old couple. The corn they had peeled back looked divine. (Lesson learned - don't trust old people in a Farmer's Market when it comes to corn. This batch was nothing like what was displayed and was not sweet at all - but I digress...) We had pizza that night and then sat in the back yard with the cat, dog, and sandhill cranes and enjoyed a beer.

It seems I was busy on Saturday, too - but for the life of me, I can't remember what I did other than make some kick ass potato salad. I am sure I did chores and laundry and such. I know I took a nap! That I remember.

Sunday was a nice day too. I went to see my Aunt at the nursing home. She was not feeling well. She was constantly coughing (no doubt due to her congestive heart failure issues) and that coughing led to full out bile barfing. Once we got her changed and back in bed, I rubbed her back and smoothed her hair. I took her some gladiolus. She can't hear so I wrote a few things down for her to read. She thought it was fall. She looked very pale, the poor dear. Sigh. The nurse brought her some ginger ale and we got some of that down her before I left.

Then I took potato salad over to my Uncle who is still living alone in his apartment. My Aunt Trudy was there and I took her a photo of her daughter in law that she liked so much. I framed it in an old frame I had, but had to tape it in to make it stay. Aunt Trudy did the dishes and I dried while we were there. It was good to see them.

When I got home I made a fiesta salad or my version of one. My goodness, that stuff is good. I could have eaten the whole thing!  I microwaved a bag of Steamfresh Fiesta Lime corn and then added tomatoes, onions, jalapenos, cucumbers, green peppers, and cumin, salt, pepper, and chili powder. Yum. We had that with pork chops and potato salad. Marvelous supper if I may say so myself. I watered the neighbor's flowers and then my flowers. They were very thirsty. It hasn't been too horrid hot, but they were dried out to be sure. Thirsty goobers. I was on high alert for snakes....

All in all, my long weekend was very relaxing. I would like to point out another aspect of getting older, though - HEARING LOSS. Friday when I was bent over doing my flowers, I swear a SUV full of young males that drove by were mocking my large bent over backside by wooting. I mumbled to myself, "Their loss, this backside is da bomb!" and "They'd be lucky to have this back side in their bed!"  Again, I swear someone in another car wooted at me. Took me a while to realize I was being "wooted" at by a bird in a tree out front and no one going by probably even looked at my fat butt. This made me laugh loudly. Then yesterday we were watching a BBC show 'Frozen Planet' and this show was about life in the Antarctic in the summer. They were showing wolves or the like trying to fell a oxen. The oxen in the show were making loud oxen noises as I would assume an oxen would when being chased by a wolf. I was out in the kitchen getting supper. After a few bleats from the oxen on the TV, my husband yells, "What!? What do you want?!" Hahahahahahaha. I had to explain it was not ME bleating but the TV show and I couldn't stop laughing. Moral to the story, kids - it doesn't matter how much you love someone or how long you've been with that person, you are going to end up sounding like an oxen in peril to them down the road so enjoy your coherent conversations now...

August 15, 2016 - Friday I ran home for lunch. On my way out the door, I swear I heard someone in pain next door. There was some kind of moaning coming from the neighbor's yard to the north. (I don't hold that particular neighbor in high regard, mind you.) With my hearing being a bit poor, I decided to take a few steps closer to what I thought was the sound. It almost sounded like a female pleasuring themselves or someone else in the the weeds. I thought to myself, "I won't worry, then - maybe she has a date and they ended up out back..." which wouldn't be wise as it was so darned hot out, but who am I to judge? I started to get in my car and the noise seemed to get louder. She uses a cane to get around because she apparently hurt herself in an accident years ago... I couldn't have lived with myself if I had just drove off without making sure she had not fallen in the back yard. So I walked (slowly) over to there. They do not take care of the yard and it is a weed forest. There is one little foot path from my yard to their yard that I believe their dog has worn down, so I walked into the back yard slowly and looked around. No one was sprawled out on the patio and I didn't see anyone dead and/or 'doing it' in the backyard. Suddenly eight crows took off - scolding me loudly as they flew off. I realized I was responding to my first crow 911 call. I laughed all the way back to my car.

I've decided I am a famous rocker, or at least related to several and my beard is almost as good as Sammy's I have that going for me...

The kids were all home this weekend. The boys came for a home cooked meal. We had spaghetti pie per their request and corn on the cob. My daughter and soninlaw came down to get their engagement pictures taken. We got to babysit the granddog, Toph. Toph is still in a puppy stage and is a hoot. She will play with you and cuddle with you. She was much more relaxed this visit than last (meaning she didn't bark all night this time which is a plus in my book). She tries so hard to make old Jake play with her. Jake does not play often. On occasion he will romp with Lucy next door or Sophie, but to outright PLAY, no. Toph tried and tried and finally gave up and left the old coot alone. She would rub up against him and stand with him outside but she knew he was not going to indulge in a good tug of war and really, that is all a girl wants when you think about it...

My daughter and soninlaw brought back cake samples Saturday afternoon. They had gone to check out bakeries for their wedding cake. I am never opposed to cake samples. NEVER. They brought back a lovely chocolate cake and there was some left over on Sunday morning. Guess what I did. Yes. Yes, I did. I ate the rest of it. I ate ALL that was left. The frosting reminded me of my favorite old bakery that used to make the best darned cake on the planet. (Which translates to the fact they had less cake than frosting. Cakes only purpose is to hold up the frosting, in my book.) I can't believe I finished that off. Sigh. I have no self control. I knew the night before that I would wake up and eat it. After sucking down the rest of that cake I took a four hour sugar coma nap on Sunday. Sigh.

My morning glories are going to town. They have taken over several hanging plant poles and continue to curl around themselves to grow. I think they are later than normal because it was a weird spring/summer so far. I love all plants that self seed and take care of themselves. I am not a gardener by any means. I can manage things that just GROW and all I am required to do is water them now and then and they make me look like I know what I'm doing. Smile.

I bought myself some new pants for work. My current two pairs are so old, I am pretty sure there is no thread left in any seam and it is just a matter of a good windstorm before I'm pants-less at work.. The only kind of pants that I could find in the fat section at the store that would be OK for work were called 'jeggings' - jeans + leggings offspring, I am assuming? They are OK and I've worn them to work and no one screamed or ran away. Yet.

My friend Dawn fell at work and broke her knee in four places. She is currently at home with various types of hardware inside her knee and out. The poor kid. During the initial conversation via text between our little group concerning Dawn and her broken knee, it was suggested that we wrap her in bubble wrap to keep her safe. (Well, that was hindsight on all of our parts, really.) My statement was, "Ladies, we are all at the age where we ALL need to wear bubble wrap jeggings..."

Sigh, getting old sucks.

August 16, 2016 - And it rains....and rains....and rains. I am not going to complain as we needed it SO MUCH, but when you see me float by, throw me a bagel or something. We don't have it nearly as bad as the poor people down south so I will shut up and just prepare to mow like crazy when this all passes us by. If by chance the sun DOES come out today, it will be so humid we will all wish we had gills.

Did you know that if you don't do laundry for a few days, you might run out of underwear? Don't try that at home - I can attest the truth of this statement.

Jake the Dog who HATES to get his paws wet finally had to go potty, so he went out long enough to pee on the grill and he came right back in the house. Rocko the Cat also decided he knew what he wanted which was to go outside despite my warning of torrential rainfall. I spent the next few minutes watching him jump up on to the kitchen window ledge only to slide right off. Very entertaining. Rocko is now in the house preening and he will NOT admit he was wrong. He never does. Sigh. Cats, go figure...

Thursday is "Twin Day" at work. No one will be my twin so I decided I will wear a yellow shirt and take my big old Spongebob stuffed critter to work with me. I will be Mammoth SpongeSandy next to my Spongebob. HR has fun days like that all the time and I like to participate when I can as it breaks up the monotony of being an adult.

August 17, 2016 - My friend and coworker, Judy, decided our whole department will be twins! Yay! Well, quadruplets actually. As a group we decided on attire and add-ons. I went to Party City last night and got us all orange hats and orange bow ties. I am ever so happy they are going to play along!! I also wanted us all to put our hair up in a Pebble style pony tail, but that didn't fly...

Isn't fog technically a ground cloud? If so, we are covered by said ground cloud. The humidity is at 800 percent (which is scientifically impossible, but who am I to judge) and the grass feels like you are walking in a wading pool. Normally on days like this, I will draw pictures on my husband's truck windows as a surprise. (You know, stuff like "POOP!" or odd pictures of a guy picking his nose and such.) This morning while I wading in the grass pool with Jake, I saw my window had a heart on it! I thought, "Oh, gosh! How sweet!" As I approached my car to see the "heart" I realized it was just the trail of water from condensation that gave the illusion of a heart. Sigh. Romance is officially dead. (At least my car loves me.)

I couldn't get to sleep last night for hours and hours. I turned on my "Soundscapes" music channel that would lull even the Tasmanian Devil into a coma state and covered my eyes with a cold washrag in my Lazy Boy and tried to unwind. All I could do was play scenarios of various upcoming events over in my head. I finally concentrated on not concentrating. That is nigh on impossible, actually. I decided to think about a stop sign to focus my brain. That went terribly awry as stop signs led to streets that led to events and etc. Wash, rinse, repeat. Ugh. I don't know how to let things go sometimes, I guess. I think I fell asleep after moving to bed about 2:30 a.m. Pffft.

The rain has left us for now but we are due for more. That onslaught of rain we received caused my fairy garden plants to double in size. I kid you not. Apparently rusty well water is no match for Mother Nature's rain from the Gulf. All the plants were HUGE last night. I had to trim them down since they covered up all the wee fairy characters and that defeats the purpose of fairy gardens, now doesn't it? How can plants grow so fast and with such gusto in such a small amount of time? I was very amazed.

I sozzled out my bra last night. (Sozzle was the term my Mom used for hand washing delicates although by the looks of it, I don't think my bra could be classified as a delicate.)  I just looked up that word on and it means "drunk; inebriated" so I have been using a term for decades that mean I got my underwear drunk? Sigh. Anyway, I hand washed my bra out last night and it was not quite dry, so it is now proudly blowing in the wind in front of the living room fan. The cups are like sails and I'm sure if I could crank that fan up a few more speeds, I would have lift off. (Fact checking - Webster's says it means, "To wash by splashing" but can also mean "inebriated" so Mom, you've been has been vindicated by Websters!)

August 19, 2016 - I have a vacation day today. I think this is the first summer I took days off DURING THE SUMMER just for me. Normally I wait to use up all my vacation time prior to my roll over date in May if even then. I have huge plans for today, like always. Priority, however, is to go have someone play with my hair. BEST RELAXATION FOR ME EVER. Then I could mow. I want to mow. With all the rain we had, the grass is ready for a hair cut. The mowing part is physical labor, however, and it is a vacation day after all.... We'll see. Right now the humidity is high and the grass is producing it's own wading pools so I would have to wait for some dry off first. (Good excuse as any that I can come up with at this very minute!)

Two nights ago I went to start my bath water and the handle broke off. I was devastated. Next to having my hair played with, taking a hot bath is one of my most favorite things. (Plus, lately, with my knees giving me grief from the June fall, it serves a purpose as well - hot baths helps the pain tremendously.) I stood there for a moment with the faucet handle in my hand. I could see the plastic stem remaining there could be manipulated with pliers and as God is my witness I WANTED A HOT BATH so I tried to get a pair of pliers from the tool box in the bedroom without waking my husband. This did not work. He was up asking me what I was doing. I explained the situation. Like any good man, he got out of bed cussing and whining. I won't type what he said, but it boiled down to "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS BECAUSE YOU ARE SO HARD ON EVERYTHING" sort of rant. Sigh. (He is right - I am hard on things. When I do anything, it is normally with the gusto only a fat old woman can do. Example:  The last time I saw my friend Steve, I was so damned happy I grabbed the poor man and he said politely, "YOU ARE CRUSHING ME.... ) I did NOT jerk that faucet handle or use any of my super human force on it, though. I was innocent in this situation. It just broke. If I had not broken the handle, it would have come off in my husband's hands when he went to shower the next morning.

He checked it out and said we'd have to go get new guts for it  and managed to get the water running for me. It took him a bit to manipulate the remaining plastic part to get water. I let the bath run for a while as I thought to myself, "Man, if he couldn't move the thing without issues, how am I going to do it?" I used my better judgement and spent the next five minutes trying to turn off the damned water with the pliers. My hands are riddled with boo boos because it was NOT easy. Once I finally got it off I sat in my few inches of water, by golly. Waste not, want not. In this case there was two cups of Epson salts in a small amount of water and I was using it come hell or lack of high water.

We started out at Home Depot last night in search of faucet handle guts. Nothing. We decided to move on to Lowe's. Nothing. "I bought the original at Mernard..." he muttered. "Then we go to Mernards!" I said. I was driving so he HAD to go where I went. Mernards shut down all their local stores near us, so we had to drive a ways to get to one. Guts were found. A new handle was procured. I bought him supper as a thank you gift. (You have to feed your husband - it's state law.) When we got home he worked on the handle contraption and by nine p.m. I was soaking my knees in nice, hot water.

There are a ton of red-winged blackbirds in the trees outside and it tickles me to hear them all chattering away up in the trees. The crow posse is out back walking around like thugs in an alley and the hummingbirds are fighting amongst themselves to jockey for position when there are six, COUNT THEM, six perfectly good feeding holes in the feeders that would accommodate all of them plus dates. Contented Sigh. All is well in Sandy Land.

August 23, 2013 - A mister RJ , long time listener - first time caller, reminded me I had not posted in a while, so here goes. This will be a scary re-cap of the last few days. For those weak to the stomach over injuries and/or female issues, don't read any further. You've been warned.

Friday was a fun day, sort of... I had the BEST hair visit. I was so relaxed. They should have designated drivers for people after such a good relaxation session. I had plans to get some shopping done when I was done with my hair but being all mushy and happy, I just came home. I sat in my chair for a bit, thinking I would just take a nice, long nap. I changed my mind. I got my yard bra on (yes, I have an official old bra for yard work when I don't want to shock the neighbors by the girls dragging on the ground) and went out and did the push mowing. The grass was very tall from the rains. Once that was done I decided to USE THE NEW JOHN DEERE and mow! How nice would it be to have the mowing done by the time my husband got home, I thought to myself to justify the use of the new tractor. Our Friday tradition lately has been to have a few beers in the back yard in the evening as we admire nature and our wee kingdom of yard, so it would be even better if the lawn was mowed, right? I put on my radio headphones, tuned in a good station, and started mowing.
Twice while I as playing Mario Andretti on the lawn mower I heard songs that made me cry. Here I was driving like a raped ape, bawling like a baby. Sigh. I couldn't figure it out. I was not sad, per say. Very relaxed from the hair session, yes. Sad, not really - so why did I suddenly want a hug and to be held and cuddled? Sigh. Women, go figure.

According to the commercial on TV, it isn't how fast you mow, it's how well you mow fast on a Deere and that thing GOES FAST and MOWS WELL, if I may say so. I was racing through the part of the yard I hate the most so it would be done and out of the way first. As I sped around like the wind, the actual wind picked up and the sky got dark to the south and west. I took a second to come in and check the weather. There were lightening strikes 14 miles to the west. I looked at the radar. I figured I had enough time to get most of the front done, but I was wrong. I mowed until it was pouring rain and then I blew off the Deere that was by then plastered with bales of grass and put her away. She was ridden hard and put away wet, as my Mom used to say.

I came in the house feeling defeated. I showered since I was covered with blobs of wet grass (but grass that was cut very well). When my husband got home, I told him about my adventures. I decided to finish the lawn after he was home because by then the sun was out. The grass was mildly wet (um, 'soaked' according to my husband) but I didn't care. If the grass was going to cut into my Miller time, then I would cut it wet or not. Off I went. My husband was NOT happy that the poor mower when I was done. "I can't clean it off until it dries!" He was, however, happy I mowed I think. I did the whole yard. One less thing for him.  We had a good time anyway on Friday night, watching two Bad Company concerts. I of course danced. I always dance. I don't dance well, mind you, but I'm not afraid to move it move it. I showed my husband how easy it would be to dance with his daughter on her wedding day. "See, it's just a two step - you can handle that for a few minutes!!" I scolded him in a loving, drunken, nagging way. He agreed. He could do it for a few minutes. It didn't kill him. He didn't die nor spontaneously explode during our short dance. He COULD dance with his only daughter on her wedding day.

Saturday when I woke up and limped out to the bathroom (yeah, remember Sandy, you danced like nobody was watching and your knees were not happy yet couldn't send a message to your Millered up mind...) and took a shower. Then we were off to have breakfast then off to the grocery store. I spent a LOT of money. That was an expensive grocery day. They had bird feeders on sale so I bought a cool one that looks like a gazebo. When I was push mowing on Friday I found that the sandhill cranes had whacked a hole in one of them out front so I needed a replacement.

Some of the stuff that was on sale that I felt the need to "stocked up on" ended up already being in stock when I put groceries away when we got home. (I now have enough olive oil for the entire Eastern United States. If you need olive oil, give me a call...) I also got a new "as seen on T.V." slicer. I was going to make zucchini lasagna that I had seen on the interweb and this cool new slicer would make it much easier. Later in the day my husband cleaned up the mower and I cleaned out the mower shed. For some reason it was wet and covered in grass... My Aunt Jean called from the nursing home and wanted someone to bring her her car keys. "I am up here at the medical center and can't find my keys. Have someone bring my keys, please!" she begged, "I want to go home!" I told her I would call her son and that made her very happy.

Sunday morning at 5:59 a.m. my Aunt Jean called back and left a message. "I don't know who this is!" she said. "I want my tooth brush. Someone threw my tooth brush away and my teeth are gritty. I know you all don't want me, but I want my tooth brush. I know you are all too busy, but I just want to brush my teeth..." Then she exchanged some words with a person who was wailing near her, came back to the phone and said, "Hello? Who am I talking to? Dave? Dan? Bev?" She mumbled something then hung up. The poor dear! I am sort of honored she can remember my phone number, but sad she can't remember who she's calling.

Later in the morning I started a load of laundry then commenced to assembling the zucchini lasagna. The cool new slicer made slicing the zucchini into lasagna noodle sized pieces a breeze (once I got done slicing off the lower part of my right hand. When they say to use "the food guide thingy" in instructions I highly advice you use the food guide thingy. Ouch. There was a slight ten minute delay as I applied the tourniquet and bandaged up my hand until I resembled a mummy plus re-washing the 1 Second slicer gizmo...) The veggie lasagna came out very good, really. I think there was too much cheese for my taste, however, but I ate it anyway. After eating it, my stomach felt 'funny' - and angry. "Way too much cheese..." I muttered to myself. While putting the leftovers away I bashed my head on the freezer door handle after bending over to insert the leftovers. Ouch. Then I had a 'warning shot' from my liver. I've not had a spasm like that for a long, long time. "Oh, good. I'm going to pass a stone?" I whined. "Maybe Mr. Liver didn't like all the fat from the cheese?" my husband volunteered as I as doubled over with pain.

I had asked my husband to load the dryer while I was assembling the fake lasagna and when he took off out the first handful of clothes he exclaimed, "What the hell is this?!!" The clothes were coated in a brownish fuzz. As he pulled out the clothes and shook them out a little, dryer sheet after dryer sheet fell out of them. I seems I had knocked off the Bounce box INTO THE WASHER when I loaded it. Sigh. He ended up shaking all the clothes out the back door and I set them to wash again. After supper I vacuumed up all the debris that was all over the laundry room. What a mess. At least we have VERY SOFT CLOTHES. Very. I decided to fill the new bird feeder in the house before taking it out, and ended up spilling most of it on the floor. Sigh. Sunday night I ended up falling asleep at five pm. and sleeping until eight p.m. when my snoring woke myself up and I just went to bed. I was out of it. I was pooped. I was exhausted, and I had done nothing, really. Why was I so tired? And why did I want someone to spoon me in bed and touch my hair?

Monday my car was 'jerking' when I accelerated. It felt like it was missing or had fart bubbles in the gas line. Once it evened out speed wise it was fine. I was sad because I would have to spend money for car repairs and I didn't want to spend money on a car. Ugh. Then Monday night I had a bad case of hemorrhoids and couldn't sleep. "WHY DO I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS?!? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?!" I whined. If you have not had them, they tend to hurt like small elves wearing rusty barbed wire shoes with rusty barbed wire string trying to get a barbed wire cat to play the game "Barbed Wire." If you've had them, you will understand why I soaked in a hot tub for a long time. I finally got sleep Tuesday morning before I had to get up for work.

Today wasn't much better. I was so tired at work. I had ovary cramps. (Women will understand this feeling. I've not had a period nor wanted one for a long long time, so I knew it wasn't my body period prepping after all..) I had several bouts of vertigo and almost fell out of my chair. I had several outburst of hot flashes that would have scorched Jiffy Pop until charcoal like. "I hate being a girl!!" I exclaimed loudly in my office. (Mind you, I do enjoy the boobs. I am not dissin' the boob part...) I mustered up my poor self and went up to see my Aunt Jean at the nursing home and take her some puzzle magazines, toothbrushes, pens, and toothpaste. She was happy to see me but it was lunch time and in no way was she going to miss lunch. After they took her down for lunch, I went back to work. I felt better. My car acted pretty good. It was a good afternoon. I decided to call my husband and tell him I would take him to dinner if he would ride in my car and tell me what he thought the issues might be with the 'jerking' stuff.

After coming home from work, I scooped up the husband and as I was going down the road the car was jerking to beat the band. "It's missing..." he said. Then the check engine light came on. "I think she agrees with you!" I said. "Should be take her home? Should I drive it?" He was convinced we'd be fine but I am told him we were going to take her back home and he could drive us to eat. I made an appointment at the Ford dealership before we left again. As I tried to get in his truck, I wonked my head in the same exact spot as the former goose egg from the fridge. I rubbed and rubbed it... ouch ouch ouch. "No blood!" I said the most positive way possible. When I got home and went to the bathroom, I found I was spotting. "WHAT?! I HAVE NOT HAD A PERIOD IN FOREVER AND NOW THIS!?!?" I was very upset but it did explain a lot of about all the previous day's woes.

Needless to say I am calling my OBY-GYN doctor tomorrow and demanding answers. I am also going to ask if he could brush my hair for a while and hug me or cuddle in a porch swing...for some reason I doubt he will.

August 26, 2016 - I forgot to mention that during my several days of space time disruption as mentioned above that when we went to breakfast last Saturday that I had ordered a blueberry pancake and two eggs over easy. When the food came, I proceeded to pepper my eggs and THEN MY PANCAKE. I said out loud in the restaurant "OH MY, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" The pancake was still good, mind you, because I am not one to let good syrup go to waste but I did end up sneezing several times during the whole meal. Really? Sigh. Ugh.

I called my OBY-GYN place to schedule a visit with my favorite poke and prod doctor ever but there were no appointments until November. See what happens when you are so popular? That doctor has the best sense of humor I've ever found in a doctor so I can see why he's booked for months ahead of time. Sigh. I suppose I will go in to my family doctor and have him do the yearly expedition into parts unknown. He will no doubt schedule me for a sonogram of my lady innards to see if I'm growing cacti or the like. I did manage to schedule my boob smashing exam for September. I have not had one of those done in a while. You got to get it where ya can...

My car is at the Ford dealership getting her coil fixed. She has almost 97,000 miles on her and I've never had a tune up. The missing and jerking motion was from a cracked coil. I am getting a full tune up, boy howdy, new plugs, wires, the whole works. Since my car was not going to be ready for me last night they gave me a loaner. It is a 2004 F150 4x4 off road truck. I swear there are several staircases you must traverse before entering the cab. I do look forward to getting Bertha back today, however. I love that car as much as you can, well - love a car I suppose. She's been a good old girl to me. Oh, they also fixed the heat plate that was loose and would rattle ever so horribly whenever I started her up which made half the county look out their windows wondering what the sound more gawking for y'all.

Tonight my husband claims he is mowing the yard. I, personally, was hoping we'd go back to our normal Friday nights of basking the back yard surveying all that is ours. Maybe he'll get it all done before I get home since as we all know by now, the John Deere makes quick work of our wee two acres. He also was saying that I could mow in tandem with him now that he fixed the TroyBilt. Ooooooo, now we're talking freaky Friday night for fun. (Not?)

September 1, 2016 - Did you know if you search on the word 'support' on the interweb, that you get lots of pictures of bras? It is a fact. I was looking for support memes to post on my friends Facebook as she is going through many horrid rocky times right now. So Vickie, this bra's for you... HUG.

I went to the doctors office yesterday afternoon to have a procedure to rid myself of an ever growing boil in my nether regions. Call it a boil, call it an angry ingrown hair - whatever. All I know is sitting on it was become a pain in the ass (literally) and it had to go. The P.A. did the deed and prescribed an antibiotic cream (because we all know that area of the body is pretty shady and we don't know where it has been) and an oral antibiotic. These pills are the size of a Mini Cooper. She suggested I eat yogurt or I'll have OTHER issues down there eventually. Sigh. When I picked up the pills at my local pharmacy the pharmacist said to be sure to take those things with food. "FOOD!? Does it look like I know how to take anything with food!!" I complained. Laughter was had by all. 

I have not been getting much sleep as of late as I've been worrying about a million things. I don't need to worry about anything as "it is what it is" and worrying solves nothing, but tell my brain that. Tuesday night was I maybe got two hours of sleep. Last night after supper I took my horse pill of antibiotics and promptly fell asleep in the lazy boy. I slept for an hour and decided to just go to bed. So from 6 p.m. last night until 5:30 this morning I was asleep with a vengeance. My bladder was none too happy with me this morning, let me tell you. It felt good to sleep and I can honestly say I feel quite refreshed this morning and my bladder has forgiven me...

I scheduled a voluntary laser hair zapping session for this morning. I want to de-beard myself before my daughter's wedding. Anyone in their right mind would not put themselves through the painful laser treatments, so I hope she knows how much I love her to attempt to show up at her wedding as a non-yeti. (I can't guarantee anything, however. I am a hairy wench, I am.)

Coming home the other day there was a pool noodle near a corn field along the side of the road. This made me laugh. Like Asian carp, random pool noodles are an ever increasing problem in our country. Hahahaha... Lordy, I'm such a cheap date.

September 4, 2016 - Ouch. My husband and I put up our "garage in a box" yesterday. On the front of the manual it said is was a two person, two hour job. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That would only be true if those two people were taking speed, poppin' steroids, and happened to be 22 year old body builders. Sigh. The nice neighbor Just came over and knocked out the framework like a professional so that was a wonderful thing. God Bless Justin. He is a professional construction man and it showed with his speed and accuracy. After he left, my husband and I managed to do the roof part on our own. I did the ground work after the roof was up as my husband does not bend nor get down and get funky well. I was FILTHY. I loved it. So many nuts and washers and screws, though. I had bought that "garage in a box" for my husband for Father's Day to replace our old one which was near death. I had planned on having my boys help their Dad. This did not happen. I am burned to a crisp on my face and neck. I feel accomplished and happy I can still walk today. Rocko was thrilled there is a new place to claim as a cat kingdom for now. (Since it is empty and it is a dirt floor, Rocko has the largest litter box in the world at this time...) My husband has a 1982 Camero that is housed in the tent, and has been housed in a tent for over a decade. We pushed that thing out and it was covered with cat barf and YEARS of debris. I did manage to wash her off yesterday as well. It is a sad thing to think all we are going to do it put her back in a tent and cover her up again. I wish he would attempt to sell it for its body parts to some Camero enthusiast. By the time we take it out again in another decade it will be gutted from all the mouse condos inside...

I had Friday off as a vacation day. I got a pedicure and had someone play with my hair and came home and mowed. Good Lord. I needed a baler. How could grass grown that much in one week!?!?!  I did not get my Friday night "Miller Time" either. My husband didn't want to have a few because he wanted to be perky to put up the tent garage on Saturday. Tonight, however, is a different story. I can have my few beers after we go to get suits for our sons and my husband for my daughter's wedding and get groceries. Viva a long weekend! 

Please - no more "garage in a box" ... Please....

September 9, 2016 - Last Friday when I was push mowing, I found a pile of feathers in the old dog pen but no "body" as it were. I was perplexed. I didn't think anything of it and actually forgot about the feathers until I saw a very bald bird eating from the bird feeder out there. (Seems Rocko gave that birdie a hair cut. I hope the poor thing grows back his feather before winter!) He looked awful, this bald birdie. However, he ate from the feeder with confidence and determination, so being bald has not damaged his self worth.

Work has been fun this week because I get to test a new procedure that the company wants to put in place. I love trying to break things. Detective work, I call it. Very entertaining to me. I will be done "breaking things" today and give my report to my boss. There will be a lot of work ahead of them for what they want to do.

We will go tonight to pick up my husband's suit jacket. The place called and left a message. My oldest son's suit is in, as well. He will need to get in there and get his pants marked for hemming. My husband said he'd by me dinner tonight after we pick up his jacket. I am not one to turn down a free dinner, so of course I agreed.

This morning was very foggy and when I stepped outside it felt like tiny little explosions of moist bombs going off on my skin. Actually, kind of cool, really. I suppose fog is what fog is and we should embrace it from time to time. The school buses are active again and the sun rises later and later...tut tut, looks like fall. I secretly am praying for an early frost ONLY to kill off the masses of mosquitoes that have managed to torment us for so long. I don't wish death and destruction on anyone except them at this point in my life. I try to keep it in perspective that even mosquitoes serve a purpose on this Earth, but that is a very hard attitude to keep as of late.

I am using various colors of water beads in centerpieces for my daughter's wedding. I hydrated a sample of all three colors to show her via pictures. Now I am trying to dehydrate them back to their original state. It takes forever. My husband is convinced that the water beads (which you put one teaspoon of tiny itty bitty wee dots to two and a half cups water and they inflate to the size of a marbles that will fill a drinking glass...) are the end product of some failed evil science experiment or a by-product of one, so the people who figured this out said, "Hey, we could make money off this crap!" I am a sucker for colorful translucent things, so of course I bought them!! I also bought "underwater" teal lights to put in the bottom of the jars my daughter got to make the shimmer. I think it will be pretty. Below you can see the life cycle of the beads...

September 13, 2016 - I have a load of wash going - our bedding. I have a favorite set up sheets and will just wash them all the time until I wear them threadbare. I do that... Wear things threadbare a lot.

I managed to bend a blade on the Troybilt mower on Sunday when I was attempting to mow the back half of the yard. My husband was on the new John Deere doing the front. I just pulled over to the shed after making decorative scrapes in the yard before turning off the blades after the impact with the root. My husband let me know how many times I've bent blades when he discovered what I had done. (It was obvious, really. The death of the grass from the bent blade sort of made a smile face in the yard.) My mother in law and sister in law were here and he had to explain all of my lawn errors to them. I am sure it was important that they know I'm Death on Four Wheels in case they see me coming their way with a mower.

After company left and he fixed the blades (for some reason, we had extra blades for the tractor in stock) off I went to finish the back yard. The mosquitoes were not too bad on Sunday, I must admit. It was such a pretty day out and mowing is always a joy, but I was rather down after a few other things came up on Sunday afternoon so I didn't enjoy the decapitation of grass as much as I normally do. I felt a bit better after we came in the house when the yard was done and my husband accidentally knocked over the vase of gladiolus I had on the counter, smashing them to their early demise with gusto. "There, we all have accidents, don't' we? The score is tied..." I muttered as I cleaned up the spray of flowers and water. He stopped taunting me about the mower after that...

I have my mammogram this week, because we all know 'tis the season for boob smashing. There are so many things that must be watched and maintained on a female body. Geez. I should have signed up for the extra warranty coverage on this old body. I couldn't get in to my real OBY-GYN doctor until November, so I scheduled a yearly oil change with my family doctor. I'm sure he's thrilled to see me in that situation. Who wouldn't be? Having casual conversation over an an over-sized Bounty towel that covers your lower half while you are in the supine position with your legs in stirrups is actually quite easy as you get older. (I wonder if that is where the band 'Talking Heads' got their must ponder...)

I have an add on to my blog here - I just came home for lunch. I made myself a turkey and Swiss cheese sandwich. After the first few bites, I realized the thin Swiss cheese I used had little paper separators in between the slices. Needless to say, I think I have had my fiber for the day...

On the way home at the four corners down by work there is a little party store* and car dealerships. I heard yelling of sorts as I approached the four way stop. It was not happy yelling such as, "Oh, I won the lottery and you didn't!" it was more like horrible, hateful yelling between an obvious man and woman. I couldn't tell what they were screaming about at first, just that they were screaming at each other. I soon saw a woman who was crying walking up to the party store* just storming and and saying (loudly) she was calling the cops. The man, who was crossing the road yelled something back. "Yeah, whaddya gonna do about it!" she screeched. His response to her was, "I'll just give them all the drugs in your bag!" and at that point I noticed the purse he was carrying did not match his army jacket. Sigh. I am glad I don't take part is that sort of drama in my life. Humans have choices on how to handle issues. It is so sad that many choose the path of stupid. This behavior can be changed. They just choose not to do so...I really hope she calls the police so they can handle something so stupid and probably let someone else die from something worthy of a police call....sigh....

I posted this on my Facebook this morning, since I've not updated that for a while and didn't want people to think I was dead and such:

"I have been kind of down and blue and hormonal - more than normal as of late (curse you, menopause!) so I’ve not posted because I don’t want to say something I would have to delete later when I came to my senses or depress you all with my whining and lamenting, because as we all know the world is depressing all by itself and needs no assistance from the likes of me. As my Mom used to tell me "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all…"

(Wait, my Mom didn’t tell me that! A rabbit told me that – a cartoon rabbit…)

(Plus said rabbit used a double negative. Cripes. Don’t rabbits go to school?)

(And how come I can remember what grammatically challenged cartoon rabbit said over 50 years ago when I can’t remember where the hell I park half the time?!)"

I just mentioned to my sister my memories of how horrible menopause was for our Mom. My first five years of life were spent wondering why Mom was on the floor in a heap, crying hysterically. I am grateful I can meet this challenge with humor, Pamprin, and beer on Friday nights. Do your worst, body of mine. I will fight back best I know how. Damn the torpedoes and so forth....

September 14, 2016 - Today is my daughter's 29th Birthday. She is busy and probably overwhelmed with planning for her wedding and such. I bet she could use a long nap and a bottle of wine about now. I will spank her when she comes home again because Birthday Spankings are required by state law, or maybe I just have an urge to chase someone down and beat them.

I barely made it home last night from work, I was so exhausted in my mind. My body is angry at me and everything south of my neck was hanging heavy and gravity was pulling me close to the Earth, I swear. I am having internal biological struggles but I'm trying to be very positive about it, right? Not really. I am losing this battle I fear. At least that is what it feels like to me the last two days. When I got home I barely had the gumption to make supper, but I did. We ate, I cleaned up the kitchen, then plopped in my chair for a while. I also took two more Pamprin and in no time I was out like a light. I do remember hearing the phone and the answering machine picked up - it was my Aunt who is in the nursing home. I do not think she knows who she is calling - she is just calling. My phone number is an easy number to remember and I've had it over 35 years, so I am sure it is one she can remember. She was begging (to whoever was listening) for mercy and to bring her what she needed. "I know you don't want me..." she lamented. Being in a nursing home has to suck big time. I don't know what she needs, she did not mention that, except love and support I'm sure - but she was pleading. I did not pick up the phone. She cannot hear you when you do pick up the phone. I left it all for voice mail. Right after that, another call from a strange number that has called before. No message. I believe she is using a cell phone of one of her floor mates at the nursing home. Then another call from of a phishing type... I just got up and went to bed. I slept from 7 p.m. last night until 5:30 this morning. Emotionally I feel ever so much better, but my body still feels very heavy and angry.

My husband handled the whole thing very well. He gushed over my fried rice that I made, claiming it was fantastic. (It was horrible. I hated it. On a scale of 1  to ten with 10 being OMG, I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN THIS IS SO GOOD my fried rice was at negative 3.)  He did the proper thing, though - he lauded it as one of my best. He watched me out of the corner of his eye to be sure he wasn't saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Poor guy. Women make men walk on glass way too often. I told him any of my actions as of late were not his fault and he is a trooper to put up with me during this crisis. His Birthday is tomorrow. I hope I get my head out of my lower region enough to at least stop and get the poor guy a card. In celebration of his Birthday I am having a mammogram. Nothing says "love" like getting one's boobs smashed. Maybe the tech will let me bring him back a picture...

September 22, 2016 - We inherited my daughter's cat, Rocko, a while back. I can't remember how long ago now. Doesn't matter, really. Rocko is "ours" now and that is all that matters. He is a fussy eater. When he first arrived, he would only eat Fancy Feast things with shrimp in the concoction. That changed. We moved on to other types of food, and after extensive testing he decided that gravy lover's chicken and gravy lover's turkey were his cans of choice. The boy can eat four to six cans a day. However, he recently went through a phase where he turned his nose up to the turkey so on our last grocery outing we only purchased chicken. Wrong. He doesn't like the chicken now. He wants VARIETY, don't 'cha know? Sigh. It has taken us a LONG time to wear down his emotional kitty issues to where he likes us on occasion but we still play the food game...

A week and two days until my daughter's wedding. I am looking forward to the day AFTER her wedding when all things will be 'right' again in the universe. Nothing to worry or fret about. Weddings and any big event always reminds me of Thanksgiving dinner. You take days to prepare everything and then everyone is done eating in 15 minutes...

I am SO looking forward to my physical so I can discuss my female issues with my doctor. Frankly, I'm tired of being female at this point. I would like to convert to a non-denominational gender that does not have to deal with any of the torments of getting older. I am still alive at this point, so I shouldn't complain. The mammogram I had was OK and all the results were good. At least my boobs are carrying on, even if the rest of me feels like crawling under a large rock with a bottle of whiskey and taking a nap.

September 27, 2016
- Today is my oldest son's 36th Birthday. Cripes, it feels like it wasn't that long ago that he was fallin' outta me!

I am very happy the weather is turning to 'fall like' conditions. PLUS, the fall stars are coming back in to view. This pleases me. Orion was high in the southern sky this morning when I was out watching the sky. I like Orion. You can still see the Milky Way and, well. I just love looking at stars. I am ALWAYS amazed by the dark sky views no matter how many times I look up. Bonus prize this morning was a falling star. I also got to see a military jet of some sort. I know it was a super duper jet because of how fast it was moving. Domestic flights do NOT move that fast. I believe the jet was over Detroit before the sound of it was heard by my wee ears.

This Saturday my daughter gets married to her long time boyfriend. I will gain a son although he's always been a son in my eyes. The kids were home over the weekend and she and I did last minute shopping and picking up of craft items for centerpieces. It was a good diversion from what I have been calling "the part of life where my lower half falls out but in the meantime there are just angry goats with barbed wire fur running around up there." I will finish up my tasks on my part of the centerpieces this week. We picked up her dress and I HOPE it is nice, cool fall weather on Saturday. That girl has like sixty three layers of dress plus a petticoat and she will just be overheated. I know this - she is my daughter. She comes from a long line of over-heaters and profuse sweaters.

I made the mistake of re-reading the book 'Dune' last week. When you read 'Dune' then you HAVE to read all of the books that came after 'Dune' in the series before Frank Herbert died. Sigh. (Or at least I do!) I am on the last book now. Each book is between 350 to 400 pages or so. The nice thing is...I CAN READ AGAIN! My new bionic eye is a godsend. Bless cataract surgery. I can't wait for the left eye to totally crap out so I can have that one done, too!! (I am still amazed on an hourly basis every damned day how I thought my left eye was my GOOD EYE for so long...sigh. It is amazing I didn't run over small children and nuns.)

My most ardent fan, RJ, reminded me yesterday I had not posted here in a while. I am touched. My BFF also reminds me, but her life is kind of topsy turvy right now so I doubt very much she has time to read this blabber. I do find this typing so relaxing, so maybe I should just blabber MORE and worry less, aye? I really have nothing to say that will change the world.

Speaking of which - I notice how there are VERY FEW signs in people's yards so far concerning the upcoming presidential elections. The only signs I've seen are for Trump-Pence, and those are few and far between. Sigh. This is a piss poor year when you think of the selection. We'd be better off if we were invaded by aliens who, after observing us for so long, finally had to put their foot down. Somewhere there is a mother ship full of aliens all saying, 'Seriously???"

There were three button bucks that passed between my dog fence and the neighbors. I caught them out the window. They heard me and froze. The one decided to make a break for it across the road to the corn field. The other two just stood there for the longest time. I stared back at them. They finally decided to go back where they came from and bolted off. Tis the Season for deer. Please be careful on the roads...

Off I go, into the wild blue yonder. Have the best day ever even if you have to fake it.

September 29, 2016 - I just woke up. I think I was having a nightmare of sorts. I rolled out of bed a bit ago and stumbled out into the living room is a panicked daze. First I peed because other wise I have some cleaning up to do, then I stood around wondering why I was having the horrid dream as I was having. The dream was about me trying to find a place to have my youngest son's graduation party. I couldn't find anywhere to go. I search and pleaded and looked. My friend Jeff offered his house for the party. (This is paraphrasing, much more went on of course - details galore.) When it came down to just before the party, I realized I had forgotten to rent chairs and tables for the event. I asked Jeff's wife if we could use her furniture and she said, "No, you just have the first floor space for 24 hours..." When I went out to go to my car to go to attempt to rent chairs at the last minute I noticed the steps up to Jeff's house had a missing piece at the base and I turned to him and said, 'How are people going to be able to get to your house?!?!?" He threw me an old cardboard box to use as a 'step' and that is when my bladder slapped me to remind me there were REAL issues at hand and to WAKE UP....Sigh.

I know why I had that dream. My daughter's wedding is Saturday. We do have a place for it and pretty much everything is finalized, plan wise. However, the weather has thrown a curve ball. It will rain. Thunderstorm, even? I know this is weighing heavy on my daughter's heart. There are tents to be under if it is raining. I am not sure where they will stand to get married if it is raining, but it doesn't matter, really. They have been a couple for eleven years now and a little rain is no challenge to them. I am sure she is having her own form of nightmares at this very moment. Human events can be planned and calculated, but Mother Nature always has the last say in all matters. Suits can be dry cleaned and make up can be re-applied. All will be well....bring an umbrella.

Speaking of Mother Nature... we are having a geomagnetic storm at the moment provide by the Sun, and of course it is cloudy and I have no chance of seeing any aurora activity. We should have been able to see it clear down here last night, but no. When I went to bed, I saw small specks of light from time to time as I attempted to fall asleep. I consoled myself by thinking they were cosmic rays from the aurora activity hitting my eye balls. That made me feel better.

I hydrated up nine gallons of water beads for some of the centerpieces. Water beads are made out of sodium polyacrylate which my husband claims is a by-product of some evil experiment gone wrong and joked they were probably radioactive. They are quite pretty when hydrated - like translucent marbles, but I've seen enough to last me a life time. No....More...Waterbeads..... If you drop a hydrated one on the floor, it bounces around the house like a superball and if you step on a hydrated one it squishes like jelly all over the place. If I were five again, these would have been a riot to use in playtime. I am nigh on 56 years old and they were still fun in the beginning, however about gallon #6 they lost their appeal.

October 3, 2016 - Ahhhh, October already. I will start with today and recount my way back to the wedding festivities... First I would like to mention that the red winged black birds are herding by the hundreds and the noise they are making outside right now makes me think someone poured water on trees made of pop rocks. They are SO LOUD and there are SO MANY. I am pleased.

Today I have a raging sinus infection. My whole face aches like I was punched. My upper teeth have all purchased tickets to the ankles so they can leave the horrid pain that inflicts them. My nose drips like a leaky faucet and the snot to brain matter ratio is leaning to the dark side of snot. This is all OK since I have this week off from work to babysit Toph the puppy while the kids are on honeymoon. I am so happy this all waited to hit until after the wedding. I knew I was getting sick prior to the wedding but it is amazing what you can will your body to think and do if only you try. My brain and my body agreed I was the picture of health on Friday night going forward, but the charade ended with a THUD on Sunday morning. When I woke up I couldn't even swallow. My throat was so swollen I thought I would have to do a personal tracheotomy to breath. I was quite scared for a bit on Sunday morning. After hot tea and a salt water gargle and aspirin, I was able to calm down and not die and stuff. Viva Vicks VapoRub, too!

The wedding was MARVELOUS. I cannot express the sheer joy of it. I was taking the doom and gloom stance on the whole thing prior due to my menopausal retardation that is going on lately. Friday night's rehearsal was a hoot. My son in law's family sponsored it and it was fantastic. We worked out two scenarios for the ceremony - one if it was raining and they had to do it near or in the tent, and one if it was nice out. It had rained and rained leading up to the event - we expected it to rain...

Saturday we got there early and the groomsmen and bridesmaids all came and we set up the tent and tables and the arch they would be wed under. It looked pretty cool. My son in law's brother did the sound set up and lighting. They had everything set for launch. It was coming together well. My boys went and got the cakes and cupcakes and let me have the honor of ironing their white shirts. Smile. The whole wedding "team" did such a fantastic job. I was quite impressed with my soon to be new son who seemed to know exactly what to do and when during set up. I came home and my husband and I got ready. He looked nice in his suit, but as he sat and waited for us to leave for the wedding, you could have compared him to a cat wrapped in barbed wire bubble wrap. He is not a "suit" kind of guy. He hated it but he did it for his "little girl" as he noted every five seconds. "I'm doing this for her....I'm doing this for her....." He took a change of clothes with him because HE WAS CHANGING the minutes pictures were over. He looked much more comfortable after he changed, that his for sure!

Amazingly and just as our dear friend RJ said, it cleared up and the sun shone on their wedding ceremony. (It started raining AFTER it was over, but the ceremony was just beautiful.) I had not even thought of crying up until the point after my son in law walked me down the aisle to my seat and his parents were seated and all - it was when the music kicked in for the wedding party to enter that I lost it. I blame the music, of course. All the bridesmaids and groomsmen looked so pretty/handsome.
I cried when my daughter came down the aisle. I cried at some of the things Jacob said. Their friend Jacob was officiating and he did a fine job. He was funny, yet good to point out what "love" is and all - it was going so well. Then when the kids exchanged rings, they read their vows to each other. Oh cripes - that made me sob. My daughter did so well (she is a kick ass writer to begin with...) and my son in law also did a fantastic job. He choked up reading his vows to my daughter, which made my husband cry and he grabbed my (now soaked) hanky to wipe his eyes. (I am sure he will be getting my cold any day now....)

The reception was a HOOT and half. My son in law did all the play lists for everything and the music was great and we all danced and danced and had a riot. (My feet and knees were so sore and my daughter told me that she soaked in the tub on her wedding night since her feet hurt from dancing as well.)  It was so good to see friends and family and meet new family and all in all I would brand this wedding and reception as a success. I am sure my screaming to be heard over the music did not help my throat come Sunday morning, but it was worth it. It was a wonderful time.

Now I have a date with some aspirin and a hot rag for my face and a warm bed to cuddle me ...we have some snottin' to do....

October 6, 2016 - Poor Toph. She was one tired puppy last night. I was trying to read and she crawled up in my lap. (She is a 50 lb. "puppy" and fitting in a lap is not as easy at it appears in the movies.) I was moving her
mouth and her paws like a puppet to entertain my husband. During the whole "puppet show" she didn't even open her eyes -  she was OUT OF IT and sleeping so hard. She had been outside with me all day while I took down the fairy gardens and summer decorations from the yard. She played like a mad fool with the hose when I hosed out the containers. She had a riot. She jumped up on the picnic table and acted as overseer to my chores. She pranced around like the puppy she is and attacked the water coming out of the hose. It was so fun to watch her. She was NOT scared of the lawn mower, either. She acted as if she had been raised with lawn mowers. (I hooked up the wagon to the mower to haul stuff up and in...) When my husband got home from work, he mowed the front half of the yard before the predicted rain hit. He JUST finished when it poured. It rained and rained and rained. Toph was happy to watch the rain out the window, barking at the pounding sound on the roof when it really kicked in.

I put up my fall items when I was done with the fairy garden take down job. Toph and Jake both barked for 10 minutes at the scarecrow people. (You know, the ones you can buy that have a bamboo post up their hind ends that you can stick in the ground.) She was not scared of the scarecrow people, she just was alerting to the fact a human shaped 'thing' was in the fence in the dog pen. She went right up to it and sniffed it and finally stopped barking. I am sure she decided that it was a harmless anally impaled scarecrow and never gave it another look.

Toph has been like having a wee child around. She is amazed by the flocks of birds and airplanes overhead....she stalks the stink bugs and anything that flies by. Squirrels capture her rapt attention... She plays with abandon and frolics with the cat toys and plays soccer with small balls. She is ever so happy to see you even if you walk out the room to go to the bathroom. She watches images on the T.V. and cocks her head. (Especially dog food commercials.) She sleeps with us in bed. Her and Jake have come to a civil agreement about this sleeping arrangement and it has all worked out this week. Jake even lets her chew his face from time to time without doing the old curmudgeon man "you kids get off my lawn" routine. If a dog is this much fun, I can't wait for grand babies!!

I dumped 24 quarts of water beads into a garbage bag in the Herby Curby. They were heavy! I was peeking over the couch this morning through the front window like a Kilroy character as the garbage truck came. The Herby Curby didn't explode as I anticipated when the garbage truck grabbed it with the claw and flipped it in the truck! Yay! It looked like it all went in well. Only 12 more quarts to go! (If you drive by a landfill and see a bubbling ooze of purple, blue, and teal coming out, that may be my fault...)

I was quite sore last night from all the running around the yard that I did. I soaked in a hot tub. My daughter gave me Lush bath bombs for my "Mom" present for the wedding so I took advantage of one of them. It has been a nice relaxing vacation (if you don't count the snot and sneezing from the cold I have) and I've enjoyed it quite a bit.

October 13, 2016 - This going back to work stuff is not as fun as I anticipated! I am thankful, however, that I have a job but I could think of a million reasons right now why I have to stay home today and take a nap...

My cold hangs on, so I believe I will call the doctor today. The evil within is stuck in my sinus cavities and my chest. Sigh. I kind of feel OK, but then again, I sense there is more than a cold going on. I will let the trained professionals judge this for themselves. Until then, I highly suggest you buy stock in the Kleenex company...

This morning I had a good laugh (to myself, mind you - Jake doesn't get this sort of humor) concerning humans. I believe The Powers That Be enjoy the antics of humans. You know, how some things just don't get old for us - like someone slipping on a banana peel or the like - some things must bring Them much joy. Example:  Humans wandering around parking lots looking for their car. A Classic. In my case this morning, it was my reading glasses... I have many scattered throughout the house "in case" and this morning when I was done running around cleaning up the house and loading dirty dishes in the dishwasher and sat down to work at my desk, I couldn't find my glasses. (Even though I have that new bionic eye, I still need reading glasses.) I got ANOTHER pair out of my "spare" box and put them on and when I was doing some work I just happened to notice that I had a pair on my head, a pair hanging from my shirt in my cleavage, and of course the pair I was wearing. This made me stop and laugh with gusto. Really? I have enough reading glasses to supply a small third world nation and I STILL can't remember what I do with them. Ah, humans. Go figure.

This morning when the garbage company picks up, the last of the dreaded water beads will be on their way to a nearby landfill. I will apologize to my grand children once they start appearing. The kids went to Florida on their honeymoon and fortunately they were on the west side of the state so they did not have to deal with hurricane Matthew. They had a good time and I bet they are feeling the same way I'm feeling about having to go back to work this week after time off.

October 16,2016
I woke up to thunder and lightening this a.m. I suppose if something was going to wake you up, a good fall storm is just as good as anything. Beats getting a throat cleaning by your dog because you are lying on your back, snoring loudly, and the dog feels compelled to save your life with stinky French kisses... 

I am very emotional today – full of the joy of life and all. This means only one thing. I am in a cycle again of sorts. Only two more weeks before my physical, and boy howdy and I going to go off on my doctor. FIX IT I will demand. “Fix it or no one gets out alive!!” There will no doubt be S.W.A.T. Teams called in...

I like being happy, mind you. Normally I am happy. I just feel very alive lately. I will miss being alive when the time comes, but hey – while I am alive, it is grand. I am also happy I am alive during this particular period in Earth's time. I couldn't be luckier. I am blessed to be happy most times. Oh, I get mad, yes. I had a decade or so in my life where I was having the biggest pity party EVER and felt SO SORRY for myself. I am glad that period in my life passed rather quickly. Happiness is only attainable when you finally accept your lot in life and live your life the way you know is best for you.

I am not happy with this year's presidential candidates, but in reality, a President doesn't run the country anyway. Someone group behind a curtain runs the country. It doesn't matter WHO we elect, to be honest. It will all just 'be' and we will have to either deal with it, or rise up and fight it. Humans are odd damned critters. I have given up trying to figure us all out...we often act no different than hummingbirds or squirrels and the like. Carbon based life forms have ISSUES. I've come to accept that.

The whole gist of this babbling is to state that I have had a good damned life. I was lucky to plop out awesome kids. I have a husband who has lived through ME...and has survived... mostly. I have awesome neighbors and awesome friends and family. Truly I am blessed. This may be menopause talking of course, but I do feel this way EVERY DAY. If I die tomorrow, which anyone of us could, I would die knowing I loved my life and the things and people and critters in it.

I ended up getting in to the doctor's office on Thursday morning, and glad I did! I ended up having bronchitis and a sinus infection. There was so much snot running down the back of my throat, I am convinced not even Moses could have parted it... I am on antibiotics and after the first dose, I began to feel better. I was so shocked! I didn't even KNOW I felt that bad!! I would tell that to anyone at work on Friday that would listen. “I didn't know I felt that bad!!” They humor me well by saying things like, “Well, that is good, Sandy!” or “Get away from me, Sandy, if you are sick!” and so forth. Hahahaha. I amaze myself sometimes. Day four of antibiotics have made it so my face no longer hurts and I am getting up tons of goo from my lungs now. Viva Medicine!

I went to see my Aunt Jean to take her flowers for her 89th Birthday. She did not know me right off the bat, but she knew she knew me. She played along with me, searching my face for clues and such. I showed her pictures of my Daughter's wedding day, and she would ask “who is that?” and “who do they belong to”... Still she couldn't find my name. It was only when she opened up her Birthday card that the lights came on and she almost cried. “You are so good to me!” We hugged. She found the cells in her brain I was stored in! It almost made me cry.

She had her hair done – a permanent of sorts, and she looked pretty. She has lost so much weight, her clothes hang on her. She complained she had to get clothes from the “goodwill pile” because nothing was fitting her anymore. I told her she looked good for an old heifer. She laughed. It was a good visit. She did not see so angry this time. I hope she is finding happier places in her brain in which to draw memories. She thinks she is in a hospital, and I don't try to change her mind on that. It makes her happier she's in a hospital than think she is in a nursing home. If that makes her happy, GOOD.

Yesterday my husband was gone all day to his brother's house up north, so I decided I would lounge around in my jammies doing NOTHING (since I had not slept more than two hours on Friday night). However, I couldn't sleep after he left. I cleaned the living room carpet instead. I cannot believe that even though you sweep every day, that SO MUCH SLUDGE remains in your carpet fibers! I dumped out tons of ooze that would have made a lovely mud wrestling pit for those who like that sort of thing. I moved the couch and cleaned back there. I found tons of puppy toys from when Toph was with us. I bound up the many wires that run along the wall behind the couch with zip ties. I cleaned out dead bugs from light fixtures. I did four loads of laundry (did all my throw rugs and some curtains, too, and bedding...). I made the best been and noodles of my life Saturday, too. I pulled up the crappy carpet in the laundry room and hauled it to the burn pit. I was very productive on Saturday, but I had no intention of being that way. A bonus. A surprise. A sore back and feet!! Smile.

I did conclude that for every living human on this Earth, that there are at least 62,000 spider webs that need cleaning up on a regular basis. Sigh. I am sure this morning in the spider newspapers all over my house the headline reads, “Hurricane Swiffer kills hundreds!!”

Today I do no know what will happen. Maybe today will be my epic nap? Maybe today I will finish up cleaning out light fixtures, who knows. I have not goal. I have not plans. I like that. Sometimes it is just nice to “be”... (oh, to “be” and drink coffee, I should have said.)

Oh, and P.S. - the antibiotics I am on give me horrendously odd dreams. Sigh. I can't even begin to tell you the oddness of the dreams, so trust me on this. They should list this on the side effect panel...

October 23, 2016 - I do so LOVE the location where I live. Close to villages and small cities but smack dab in the middle of nature. I love just standing outside in the early morning listening to Mother Nature and all the feathery and furry creatures that live nearby. This morning, however, there is obviously several hunters of geese in the nearby swamp/wooded area and their skills on the goose call device need WAY more refining. I'm no goose, but I'm pretty sure if I heard that cacophony of noise I would fly in the opposite direction of said noise flashing my high beams at any other inbound geese. At least the hunters are trying, I will give them that. They just need a bit more practice so they don't sound like someone gave LSD and excessive amount of coffee to all the patients at the local goose hospice.

There was a squirrel this morning that was very entertaining as well. A teenager of sorts, I suppose. He/She was scrambling up branches at the highest level of one tree, then flinging themselves to the top of the next tree and scrambling down only to repeat those action and end up in the NEXT tree. Fun to watch. You could see the progress of this squirrel's game in the movement of the leaves on the trees. Quite fun to watch. I wish I could throw myself from location to location like that. I am jealous of a squirrel. I need a life...

Yesterday was a fun day. It started at the local diner. I told my husband he had to take me for pumpkin pancakes and he obliged. I ordered two pieces of wheat toast, two eggs over easy, tater tots, and a pumpkin pancake. When they came around with my coffee cup (they get their cups from garage sales and such, so each cup is unique) I had to laugh. (Note Picture.) When they came to check on us and ask how the food was, I was stabbing at a crispy tater tot and it I managed to hit it an an angle where it flew off my plate and ricocheted around for a while, ending up on the floor. "Tot down!" I cried. I picked it up and decided, since I was being watched, I would not apply the five second rule. A bit later, I was enjoying my eggs but noticed I only had one piece of toast. You can't properly soak up all that yolk with one piece of toast. I said to my husband, "They only brought me one piece of toast? That is not like them...." After we were done with breakfast and were chatting with the waiter, I noticed under the table there was the other piece of toast. How in the hell did it get under there? They offered to bring me a new piece but I kindly declined. Seriously, when did that toast duck, tuck, and roll off the table? Sigh. It provided much laughter for us the rest of the morning. Afterward breakfast we went to Mernards to spend our Mernards rebate check and while my husband looked at different types of gasket grease and such, I enjoyed the Halloween section. I got a few solar pumpkin lights for the yard. They also had all of their Christmas stuff out, but I couldn't not bring myself to go and look at that since it just didn't see right.

Hallmark has a wax melt that has a scent that just silences me. It is called Autumn Woods. I can't even begin to explain the scent. I love it, mind you... The only word that really comes to mind when when smell it is "cuddle"... I think it is the smell all humans should smell when you are close to someone, cuddling. When I smell it, I am just forced to quiet. Odd. Very rarely does anything make me quiet! Hahahaha.

October 24, 2016 - My clumsy luck continued into Sunday. I had plans to make scalloped potatoes for Sunday dinner and I did, mind you, but it was not uneventful to say the least...

A while ago I got myself a "One Second Slicer" and that thing lives up to its name. I love it. Very good for salsa and such. Very good at slicing, too. I had used it once before for slicing, but I did not use the handy hand protector you hold the food with and I had cut myself a little back then. However, THIS time I was going to be safe and use the handy protector and all would be well.

I was just amazed at how thin you could cut the potatoes! I yelled at my husband, "THIS THING ROCKS!" and he yelled back, "Just be careful, you know what happened LAST time!!" I was not worried. I was slicing potatoes like there was no tomorrow. There was a knock at the door and my husband answered it and was talking to some person out on the campaign trail and I was eavesdropping when I did it - I took off the end of my right hand index finger. Ouch. Blood was everywhere. I took the whole device to the sink and cleaned up all the various body parts stuck in the blade. I got a wash rag and wrapped it tightly around  my finder and was holding it tightly to stop the bleeding. When my husband was done at the door, I called him in to the kitchen. He laughed when I told him what I did, but stopped laughing when he saw the blood running down my hand. "You have to finish this!' I commanded. "I really want scalloped taters for supper!" He finished the slicing and I layered the dish with my left hand. I had already sliced up the onions and cheese and such prior to my suicide attempt, so it was easy to finish it up. He plopped it in the oven for me and then I had him try to help me bandage my finger. It was not working. Too much was gone to stop the bleeding on our own, so I told him I was driving up to an immediate care clinic for assistance. I walked in and said, "I have a boo boo.."

The nurse was kind enough to fill out my paper work for me while I was bleeding all over. I told her my story of the slicer and taters. We joked about the added "ham" and all. The nurse practitioner on duty came in and used a clotting agent on the end of my finger. I had asked him to cauterize it and he laughed and said "Um, no!" but the hemostatic he was putting on the wound FELT like it was being cauterized. "Ouch, dude!" I said. "Yeah, this will hurt a bit..." he mumbled. After the bleeding was halted, the nurse dressed it and gave me a tetanus shot since I couldn't remember when my last one was. (I highly recommend you carry a card in your wallet
with the date of your last tetanus shot on it in case you get a sudden urge for scalloped potatoes in the future.) All in all it was in and out, really. I got a sucker for being in such good spirits. There was no flapping of skin to stitch since the end was just gone so my layers of callouses on the index finger are gone and after I heal up I am sure the end of my finger, shorter as it will be, will need some toughening up.

I came home in time to eat some of the best scalloped potatoes I ever almost made. Smile. There are enough left for supper tonight, too. I look forward to not having to cook or sever off another body part to make supper. I am also amazed at the fact that your fingers automatically adjust to compensate for their fallen comrade. The middle finger slides in and does index finger duties like he was just WAITING for the chance to prove himself. I am amazed. I do have home row issues when typing from time to time, however, with punctuation and such. Other than that, kudos to the rest of my surviving fingers.

October 31, 2016 - BOO! BOO, I TELL YOU! BOO!

It was a fun weekend. The neighbor had a Halloween party on Saturday night. Since we are old we petered out early, but it was still fun. Yesterday I can honestly say I did very little. Hahahaa. I had cooked beef for beef and noodles on Saturday. When I got them out of the fridge to finish them up yesterday afternoon, I smashed my bad finger into the side of the counter and down the bowl of luscious beef went. SMASH. Beef and glass EVERYWHERE. I was so mad. SO SO MAD. I wanted beef and noodles. Instead we had a can of soup after I had to spend a half hour cleaning up the glass. I have never seen glass scatter like that bowl did. Sigh.

Someone or something is eating my Indian corn that I have outside for decorations. I brought this fact up at the party, and Ron said, "I'm sorry...." which made me laugh. I am sure Ron isn't eating it and it is no doubt a rogue squirrel, but still, I had a good belly laugh.

Happy Halloween and end of OCTOBER. Time passes too quickly it seems. Cripes, tonight I will have to put away my Halloween decorations and get out my turkeys. I am a firm believer that Thanksgiving doesn't get enough air play so I will drag out my turkeys and plaster them all over my living room. No going direct to Christmas in this house!!

tOPNovember 3, 2016 - Do you feel it? That tight skinned feeling of pulling Gs? That is time passing by at a high rate of speed. November already!! Ugh.

I am sure my daughter and my son in law are thrilled that the Cubs won last night. Who isn't? I am sure Chicago is still loud and boisterous at this moment, hours after the grand event. Good for the Cubs. We all need something to celebrate. I always celebrate when I wake up breathing.

My finger is healing up well. When I am home, I let her roam free and naked. The end of my finger feels almost plastic and hard. I bump her from time to time and the pain brings me to tears. There must be an effort on the part of my body to activate millions of new nerve endings to replace the ones I severed off? All I know is, OUCH. I wonder how long it will be before I forget this whole "scalped" potato incident and use that damned slicer again? Oh, I'll use it again...hopefully I will have more sense this time! She still gets in the way now, though. Index finger is trying to reclaim her throne and middle finger is trying to retain his dominance. It ain't pretty sometimes. Fingers can have minds of their own.

The leaves are dropping from the trees at an alarming rate. I believe Saturday we will do our part for global warming and try to pick some up and burn them. We try to wait until the prevailing wind is going away from all our neighbors, so I hope for a good wind out of the west going east. Nothing stinks worse than a three day old smoldering pile of leaves.

Tonight I will begin my fast to have blood work tomorrow morning. Last year my sugar was a tad high and I fear this time it will be, too. I tend to swing towards the side of carbs and sugars, as you can tell by my girlish figure. This week I've tried to be good on the sugar so they didn't send an ambulance after me once they saw the blood work results. I failed last night in a big way. I had a lovely dinner with my girlfriends. We had SO much fun. I drank two beers and had a decadent chocolate cake for dessert. Sigh. (They will have to put me in one of those Hannibal Lector masks to keep me from sugars.) My cousin Dave is a good boy and has tried all his life to watch what he eats. He exercises while here I sit mentally cheering him on from the sidelines within arms reach of the concession stand. He should keep himself healthy so he can carry my ashes to the house after my funeral. Hahaha. Smile. There will be a pile and a half...

My cat snores. Just sayin'.... Should have named him Weezy.

November 13, 2016 - It has been a productive weekend. I am sad to see it end.

Saturday I went for a pedicure and then had the hair place braid my hair. (Just so someone would play with my hair. I deserve that from time to time. I don't ask much...) When I got home, my husband vacuumed up the leaves and I played pyromaniac and burned them. The pile is still smoking out back. I think we will have one more leaf pick up before we call it good for the season. I had fun using the leaf blower as a method to stoke up the fire. I had such fun causing blazes in the pile of leaves.

Today I was lazy until late morning when I decided to get the slow cooker going on pork chops for supper. While my chops were sitting in brine, I cut up an onion, an apple, and potatoes. I put it all in the slow cooker with chicken broth and a can of cream of mushroom soup and turned her on low.

I stripped the bed and threw the sheets in the washer. Then I decided to sweep under my bed. It is a scary, scary place under there. I hit the old wooden drawer that serves to hold tons of photos sorted out in smaller boxes by type while I was sweeping down there, so I decided to sort through and look for a particular picture I had wanted to share with my cousins. Wait, wasn't I sweeping (I reminded myself) so I put the photos away and went back to sweeping in the bedroom. I noticed (while still on the floor) that the window was boogered up by Jake the slobbery dog, so after I got off the floor I took down the curtains so I could wash that window. The curtains were in dire need of washing. By then the sheets were in the dryer, so I took down the bedroom curtains and threw them in the washer. If I was going to do a load of curtains, then I might as well wash the kitchen curtains, right? Well, apparently. While the curtains agitated, I washed the bedroom windows and the kitchen windows. Then I swept all the spiderwebs and dust from around the windows. Then I noticed dust on door frames, and had to sweep that down. I eventually made it over to my side of the bed to sweep under there which led to dusting the book case and ... needless to say I was an ADD cleaner spaz fit today. I did stop by the slow cooker once and looked in the lid. The pork chops looked like they had not even stared cooking yet, so I put a towel over the slow cooker to hold in the heat better, and went off to wash our comforter.

My husband got home from Mernards and saw the slow cooker. "What are we having?" he said. "Pork chops and taters, precious!" I said proudly. What he should have said was, "WHY DON'T I SMELL WHAT IS IN THE CROCK POT?" That might have clued me in...

At 1:50 I checked the slow cooker again. The pork chops were still sitting there, uncooked. I put my hands on the side of the slow cooker. Cold as ice.I had forgotten to plug the poor thing in. I plugged it in and turned it on high and confessed to my husband. "I wondered why I wasn't smelling anything yet!" he said. Ugh. I felt like the ditz of the century. I looked on line and pork chops will cook just fine in four hours on high in a crock pot. Dinner would be around six p.m. I told my husband to eat something...we had a bit of a wait until supper. Duh.

I meandered over to my neighbors to help Sue with her new printer. There wasn't much to do, really. It was all neatly done by HP and the printer. Very interesting process. The printer knew who it was and the computer knew the printer and they shook hands and I didn't even have to be there. We did test printing and all worked well. Then we made sure Ron could print from his tablet. I confessed to them my 'duh' moment and Sue shared her 'duh' moment. They have been missing the extra set of keys to her car for a year now, and Ron assumed he lost them. Last night they went to dinner and she wore a coat she normally does not wear and low and behold, what did she find in her coat pocket? We all have 'duh' moments. It did comfort me a bit. Ron was nice to send home a bowl of chili he made to tide my husband over until pork chops were ready. Men have to stick together when their women lose their minds.

The moon was just stunning tonight. I appreciate that thing. I am sure without the moon there would have been no life on Earth. I saw on Facebook many awesome pictures of the moon that people have taken tonight. I may get sick of media overkill on some things, but I don't get sick of seeing things related to space.I would steal one of those awesome pictures and post it here, but that would not be nice. (Oh, and Ron, I lied. The last time the moon was this close was almost 70 years ago and the next 'super moon' will be in November of 2034. So we hopefully will be alive to see it. Don't ever listen to anything I say on ditz days!)

I suppose I should go to bed and sleep this stupid off. Wish me luck!

November 16, 2016 - Today is the first day I can say I've seen it foggy ALL DAY. Our local school district shut down for the day. (We are in a low lying area.) I am 56 and have NEVER seen fog last for so long. Right now it is 'foggy' too, but I'm not sure if it is real 'fog' or smoke from people burning leaves. There is a first time for all things.

A coworker explained to me how he does his turkey. He cooks it a day or two ahead of Thanksgiving and carves it, then heats it up in a slow cooker on the Turkey Day. I am doing that this year. I HATE with a passion the whole ordeal of attempting to time the turkey and then get all your side dishes planned/timed as well. I've been fortunate over the years to have most Thanksgiving meals come out on time and all together, but IT IS A ROYAL PAIN. I am not that fond of poultry carcass hanging around after dinner, either. I am cooking my bird (his name is 'Frank' again this year) on Wednesday, my husband will carve it, and I'm reheating it and ll its juices on Thanksgiving day. I am already feeling less stress. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS PRIOR TO HEARING ABOUT THIS FROM A COWORKER? Unless your family requires to see the execution of the meat off the bones of the turkey, then there is no big deal to do turkey this way. The gentleman claims it is moist as moist can be by reheating it its own juices. I will let you all know. If this works out, I am going to kick myself for every year I could have done this!!

My daughter and son-in-law can spend Thanksgiving day with us this year! Hurrah! Normally they go to his family's Thanksgiving, but they are not having theirs until Friday. By Friday I won't care what they do since I'll most likely be in a turkey induced coma lodged hopelessly in my lazy boy.

My scalloped potato finger is healing pretty well. I have a feeling it will always be shorter than it was, but at least it is healing. It still hurts just horrid if I thunk it just right, but there is a nice callous enveloping the area of the carnage. My middle finger is still fighting to keep it's title of INDEX finger, but slowly I can use my index finger again for typing and doing chores and such. It will be a long, long time before I could possible use it for picking my nose, however. Smile.

I've been having "bad" dreams that wake me up out of a dead sleep as of late. (OK - I'm lying, I have to pee, but when I wake up to pee lately I remember bad/odd dreams for a bit, so I know I'm having them.) What causes such dreams is beyond me. What is my poor brain trying to work out? I have a lot of respect for brains so I suppose it can dream anything it damn well wants to, but I sometimes wonder if I'm missing a bigger 'lesson' in the weirder dreams... I hope I'm alive when science figure out exactly why humans dream. I would also love to keep my dreams on disc so I could replay them to see what details I'm missing - but then again, maybe NOT. I am sure dreams are meant solely for the purpose of cleaning up excess data bits in the brain and we are not supposed to over analyze them lest we go insane. (Or, maybe I'm already there...)

November 18, 2016 - The other day I was cleaning out my ear wax with a Q-Tip and it felt marvelous. Sometimes I believe the closest thing you can get to an orgasm is a successful ear cleaning. I know it is well known and documented that nothing bigger that a small battle ship should be put in your ear, but COME ON - sometimes you have to get in there and dig out something. I wonder why that feels so good? I remember when my youngest had ear trouble one weekend and we took him to immediate care and the doctor looked in his ear and said it was compacted with wax so he got a special wire loopy thing to dig it out. My poor boy sat there, head cocked with his eyes rolled back and drool coming out of his mouth through the whole process.

My husband just called me to report he had just barely missed hitting a deer on the way to work. (I think it is state law in these parts that you have to take out a Bambi once a year...) This time of year the deer are almost suicidal in their attempts to escape hunters by crossing major roadways. I keep an ever vigilant peripheral eye out when I drive, but then again, I have the luxury of it being light out when I drive to work.

November 22, 2016 - I had a conversation with a squirrel yesterday morning when I was picking up some of the presents that Jake the Dog had left for me. The squirrel was irate that I interrupted his bird feeder seed stealing time and he let me know in no uncertain terms. It was a younger black squirrel and it took me a while to find him in the tree above my head. He was right at the end of a branch and he was doing the squirrel yell at me - the yell that sounds like a disgusted Marge Simpson on helium. I yelled back at him, but my yell came out more like a I Love Lucy "waaaaaaaaa" sound. We had a call and response session that lasted several minutes and finally the squirrel started making softer noises. I just talked to it after that. Jake was perplexed and confused and wondered off to make more piles for me. I gave up the 'Great Squirrel Debate 2016' and headed back to the house. In the back of my mind the whole time I was 'talking' to him I knew he could be full of rabies and at any given moment launch from that branch and attach himself to my face like a creature from 'Alien'.....

I have the turkey thawing in the fridge and like I said, I am cooking it tomorrow instead of Thursday. I hope this goes well. If not, it doesn't sort of thing. Experiments are trial and error, after all. I will make some cookies and a candy thingy tonight. Tomorrow night I will dust since I've not dusted since I put out the Thanksgiving decorations and the poor turkeys and pilgrims look like they have been in a blizzard which caused excessive dandruff.

I went for my yearly blood draw yesterday morning. I had fasted and attempted this several times over the last two weeks or so, but would always shoot myself in the foot by waking up and drinking coffee right off the bat. Fasting is fasting, after all, and coffee throws a monkey wrench into the works.

My husband and I went to see our son's new house, and we were impressed. It looks so tiny from the outside yet inside it feels so open and roomy on the inside. It was good to see Watson the Granddog and he was so happy to see us. It was a fun visit. After that we stopped at Mernards and got furnace filters and I forced my husband to buy me a new bird feeder because the four I already have are just not enough. I did say once I would be the epicenter of any bird flu outbreaks in Michigan, and I have to live up to that promise...

I suppose I will get ready to go to work in person since I cannot access anything from home. Our VPN is down. Insert loud 'ugh' here...

topDecember 3, 2016 - Ah, welcome December. No snow yet. Not too horribly cold, either. If you are not a winter lover, then you are no doubt grooving on this weather. I thought I didn't want it to snow this year either, but when it was spitting snow earlier this week, I was so hyper at work you would have thought I drank six pots of coffee. (Or maybe I loses track after three...) I also got a burst of energy just a bit ago when I let Jake out and it was spitting snow pellets. Apparently I still adore snow. So much for my "I'm old now and don't like that crap" theory.

My friend Sue had a Birthday party for her sister Grace, who has been my dear friend since Middle School. It was a blast. I ATE SO MUCH. I couldn't stop eating!!  I have been trying to be good since Thanksgiving and had lost six pound of fluffy fat, but last night the chip bowls should have just been strapped to my face the way I was eating out of them. Sigh. If it is in my reach, apparently I'll eat it. I would highly suggest you keep small children at arms reach when I'm in a feeding frenzy like last night. Really, I didn't want more, but I ate and ate. I remember when my husband and I lost all that weight back in 2006 and I stated in this blog at the time I would "never go back again" and this is why they came up with the expression, "Never say Never." At the party we played several games and just laughed. It is always so much fun to LAUGH that hard. Common life problems become, well - tolerable when we laugh about them as a herd. None of us suffer alone, that's for sure.

I got a generic bird see and the birds are none too happy about this situation. I knew better than to do that, but is was just so darned cheap!! I am assuming they will eat it when there is nothing to forage for once we get a blanket of snow, right? I decided to get a better quality of bird seed to mix in with the crappy stuff. Maybe that will make them happy. I do love my birds.

I just went out and burned my old Lazy-Boy chair. My husband got me a new chair for Christmas after my old Lazy-Boy bit the big one over Thanksgiving. The new chair is smaller and is a rocker as well. It hugs my butt. I like it.

December 4, 2016 - It snowed a lot today. Wet, heavy snow. I just had to go out and shake off the big, inflatable Olaf out front because he was bent over from the heavy snow. The tree branches are all low from the wet snow, and the decorative grasses are flattened. Very festive! My friend Judy just texted me to tell me her power was out. Bound to happen to people with the heavy snow. So far here, we're good.

I took a lazy day today and did very little. I did make the best chicken noodle soup I ever made tonight, though. My husband kept making 'yum' sounds and raving over it. He had two huge bowls. The bad thing about making the 'best' dish of something you've ever made is you can never make it again. I outdid myself on chicken noodle soup and I will never recreate that divine dish again. I reached my pinnacle of deliciousness a few weeks ago on a batch of beef and noodles. How the universe aligns just right and the 'best' of whatever you have made a million times happens, I don't know. All I know is I'm running out of signature dishes to make the 'best' batch ever and then what? Sigh.

December 14, 2016 - I get sort of depressed when I listen to drug commercials on T.V. nowadays. Stupid laws and lawyers, anyway. What ever happened to the ads of the past where a drug could be touted for its benefits only and no one got sued? Sigh. Now you have to hear about the gruesome facts of things that may or may not happen..."Your hair may fall out; Your liver may fail; You may lose your car keys; Your dogs will possibly eat your face off in the middle of the night and barf it up on the Chinese rug; Your neighbors may be abducted by aliens; Your pancreas may explode and kill you while you are pumping gas..."

Earlier tonight when it was still light out there were dancing tornadoes of snow in the field across the road. We are having a lake effect snow and wind event (otherwise known as WINTER) and the snow is really blowing now. It looks rather pretty and and feels very cold. The wind chill is ZERO. Auntie Em!! Poor Olaf the inflated snowman is getting a severe case of whiplash as I type...

It dawns on me that when my life does not have strife or issue, that this blog is very boring. I have been feeling very boring to myself as of late. I will relate, however, some concerns I have about losing my mind. If you are my age, you will totally understand the next spewing forth of words.

Physical Inventory was Monday at work. I work in IT, so I get many calls about issues with data entry concerning inventory things. I dealt with the chaos quite well, I thought, on inventory day. It was yesterday that I felt i suffered a minor seizure or slight stroke. My coworker and I were looking at inventory variances for our boss (who is the company controller) and it took me forever to figure out two different items. I mean, COME ON. I was raised in inventory. I was in production situations all my adult life. I ran a shipping and receiving department! Why was it taking me so long to figure out TWO STUPID ITEM'S DIFFERENCES?!?! This bothered me. Judy wondered what was wrong with me, too. Good Lord. I was getting constant help calls throughout the whole process, but I normally have no issue handling many things at once. I have no clue what was wrong with me. Today I was signing a contract and couldn't remember the year!! KIDS, GET THE FENCE BUILT NOW! Sigh. I know we all suffer this type of thing from time to time as we get older, but I scared myself. It won't be long before I wonder off naked in pursuit of butterflies...

I have nothing purchased for Christmas. I am so behind the ball this year. Normally I have all my stuff done on line by now. This year, I've waited so long, I will have to PHYSICALLY go to a store to buy what I want!! Ugh.
I have not done that for years. The internet has spoiled me. I refuse to go to a mall, however. I will be visiting local shops for gifts. SHOP LOCAL (especially when you are me and you are lazy)!!

December 15, 2015 - I posted this on Facebook tonight, but I will also post it here for future reference when I am running naked through town chasing butterflies and my kids feel like reminiscing...

So, I'm out with Jake the Dog for the last pee of the night (for Jake, not me...but I could pee at any given moment - we all know I have a hair trigger bladder) and I hear the unmistakable sounds of a car losing control. I hear a THUMP and THUD and braking and see a truck take out my mailbox and paper box and spin uncontrollably for a bit and it land in my driveway.

The truck started to drive away, but I made my presence know (I'm a big girl - how could he miss me?) so he stopped in the road and I yelled, "ARE YOU OK?" and the person yelled back "YES!" Then I said, "DID YOU TAKE OUT MY MAILBOX???" and the person started walking back to my mailbox and said, "I THINK SO!" So the young man yelled, "I'LL PULL INTO YOUR DRIVEWAY!" since he was blocking traffic.

I let the dog in and went out the front door and met him. He was a young, young man. I have stretch marks older than this man. I made him carry the poles up to the house. He apologized profusely over and over again and said he got paid on Friday, he could give me some money and he would give me his information...I stopped and looked at him and at this point I have the tell tale sign of older person nose drips starting, and I was sort of crying. "Do you need new tires? Were you texting? I have kids - I don't want to find out one of them were texting and someone carries their body up to the house after they spin to their death..."

He started the apologies again.

"I don't want your money. I want you to drive safe. Michigan is evil when it comes to weather. Don't text. Don't talk on your damned phone. Don't drive too fast for conditions! I would much rather replace a mailbox poll than see your obituary in the paper..." I said to him.

"Ma'am, I'm so sorry. I will pay you!!"

"No dude, just slow the heck down. I don't want your money. You don't make enough to be spending on stupid stuff like mailboxes. You are like 12 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. You want to live to be old enough to give lectures to shit head little kids that take out your mailbox at night..."

At that point he was quiet and said, "I was driving too fast. I was driving way too fast for this road...It is my Grandma's truck and I'm not used to it..."

"Even more reason to slow the hell down. Where is your hat? Where are your gloves? You want to give me a heart attack, too? It takes six seconds to be responsible for a few things. Take those six seconds, trust me."

He thanked me and practically ran back to his truck, and SLOWLY drove away.

Let this be a sign unto you, for in the city of your residence, a young person will be driving like he's at Indy... SLOW DOWN!!"

I was out there in my long, warm fuzzy nightgown and my husband work boots and my snowflake ear muffs yelling at this poor kids. I must have looked a sight. I had also had a beer, so as my husband tells the story now, "She was out there in my boots reeking of beer, yelling at that poor kid!"

December 19, 2016 - My husband put up the mailbox on Friday night. The kid had just knocked it out of the hole it was in and it did not snap the wood at all. I've got mail! Woot.

We went to my husband's side of the family Christmas on Saturday. It is always fun. My kids were there and we laughed. I love his family like my own. They are an awesome group of siblings. When we were leaving, there was a drizzly wet snow and my youngest hit his sister with a snowball. I grabbed some snow and turn to throw at my wee one, but instead of a playful snowball to the jacket, I nailed him directly in his right eye. The poor kid!! How is that for spreading Christmas joy. I have thrown more things at my youngest son (by accident) than I care to recall...

This week will be a whirlwind of preparing for Christmas. I've not made my neighbor's cookies yet, nor have I finished shopping. I am really behind the times on Christmas this year. Chalk it up to lazy or too busy in general. I think it the 'lazy' part. Yeah, now that I ponder it, I am convinced it is due to 'lazy'...

There is a wind chill of -10 this morning and I can attest to that... This morning Olaf the Inflatable snowman was only inflated on the bottom. His poor middle and head sections were squashed down and to the side and stuck to the ground somehow. I, in my trusty "yell at young drivers" outfit went out to give Olaf CPR. I can only imagine what my neighbors think of me. I just hope I add some whimsy to their day with my antics. I did manage to un-stick the string of lights inside of Olaf that were holding the poor dude down, and he is back up and looking quite stately and Olaffy. (It dawned on me that he was 'frozen' to the ground, and he happens to be from the movie 'Frozen' so the humor was not lost on me as I was freezing my hind quarters off outside trying to revive him...)

December 27, 2016 - Ahhh, what a lovely Christmas weekend it was. The kids are all back home and safe (as far as I know and in my mind they are) and it is quiet again. I hope fun was had by all. Fun was had by ME at least, and Christmas Eve was the best. Such fun. The annual Christmas Uno game always pleases me. Always a riot. I look forward to that every year. Afterwards, my daughter and I danced to a concert we played on a DVD and it was just FUN. Jake has NOT recovered from the Christmas fun due to the fact Watson, my grand dog, being here. Another male throws a monkey wrench into the works. He doesn't act this poorly after a Toph visit. Toph is female and I assume Jake feels no threat from her. However, he still has a "Watson" hangover and won't eat and is just a lump on the couch. He will survive. We have told him over and over again to get over it, but I'm sure that translates to "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH JAKEY."

Poor Olaf the inflatable snowman is doing his poor best to hang on through the wind we are having. My husband will take him down when he gets home from work this afternoon. Olaf has been gyrating in a wind seizure for the last 24 hours, the poor thing. All the snow is mostly gone as well. We had a warm up. One day it is near negative wind chill and the next day there is no snow. Gotta love Michigan.

This is end of the year week at work. All will go smooth. I can sense it. We did pretty well on our Dec. 12th physical inventory, so I can only assume end of the year will flow like melted butter.

December 30, 2016 - I was pondering the house in which I live. It is not really a 'house' per say. An old C.B. Radio friend of my Dad's built the house by hand back in the 1950s. It is make of (no doubt lead laden) cement blocks. Clair had intended to make it a garage at first, but then he and Donna ended up living in it as a house. Clair was notorious for collecting scrap and left overs from building sites to incorporate into his projects and I am sure this house is full of pilfered things. Clair did the electric as well. The upstairs is horribly hot in the summer and frigid in the winter. (We all dream of sending our kids to a 'work camp' of sorts to learn how to tough it out in life, but this house served that purpose for my kids.)

We've upgraded the house since moving in back in 1985. She has new windows and a new roof and new siding. (This happened after the storm of 2007. We had not planned to upgrade this place. It was required after nature's assault.) In my heart I had always intended this to be a 'starter' place for my family...that we'd move into a 'real' house eventually - but one thing led to another and it never happened. It is too small for big family gatherings. The house is held together (seriously) with duct tape and pieces of wood here and there and just plain ignoring her.

I do not hate my house. It helped raise some fine children. It has given me 11,315 safe nights. It has kept us fairly warm and relatively dry over the years. I hold no ill will against this house. Yes, I've dreamed of a 'real' house where I have guest bedrooms and a huge living room for family herdings, but we've survived so far and we have done O.K.  I used to fantasize about razing this house with machine guns - leveling it to the ground to make it go away, but now I don't wish for that anymore. This "garage" has been good to us, and I just thought I should pay tribute to her after all these years. (Now, as my luck goes, it will explode tonight or all the wiring will fry itself or the lead will kill me in my sleep just because I mentioned the house in a post.)

I guess I wanted to point out that a cardboard box can be a 'home' if there is love and hope and faith inside. I have never been very 'materialistic' about things. I do not keep up with the Jones' as it were. I am not inclined to being fashionable. I am more inclined to be comfortable. My house is small but comfortable. All is well in my world.

I will take down Christmas tomorrow. It is time. It takes so much time to put all the decorations up and so much time to take them down. I will continue to do it until I can't move. I like to keep the Christmas lights outside going until New Year's Day. (Except Olaf the inflatable snowman who is now safe in his box away from damaging winds.)

I just reviewed my blog from this year to recall any awesome moments I may have had. I had awesome moments for ME, mind you. Waking up breathing everyday is an awesome moment for me, to be honest. It was a 'mild' year, really. Had a colonoscopy and my right eye cataract removed. Awesome for both. My daughter got married and the wedding and reception was just a HOOT. I had so much fun at that wedding. I fell in June and ruined my poor knees for life...gee, it was a mild, mild year, really. Well, then there is Trump, but that is a whole 'nother posting....



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